I failed..

[dyingtolive3]

I caved in.  i m not blaming anybody..nobody forced me. i was almost too ashamed to even post again. please...think what you want just please somebody tell me where do i go now? call me weak, call me a loser, call me a coward a failure , pathetic..whatever...theres nothing you can say that Im not saying to msyelf right now. just please tell me what do i do now?

[scarlettbegonias]

"How can i take time off work without losing everything? "

I am on Day 16 - NO PILLS. I had to send my girls to be with my Mom....I have NEVER done this...I haven't worked much in 2 weeks and my mortgage is due...bills....its CRAZY!!!

But you know what.... Its gonna be okay....I firmly believe that when we have our best and highest plan in motion , God and Universe responds Lovingly.... maybe not how we think it will go....but usually for the BETTER!!!

Just Do It. Have Faith. You're NOT garaunteed the rest of your life to figure this out..... Opiates make u a weakling and WAY more susceptible to health problems, surgeries and death.
Just Do It Sister.
The Time is NOW.
XXOO
luvluv:::::::

[dyingtolive3]

thank you my friends.i am trying again. i have an appt with a counselor in two weeks.i plan on being completely honest and telling him every ugle detail.i am going to try to get to an out patient clinic and tryt that first. if that doesnt help then I will do whatever I have to do. i hsve family that live out west ..wayyy out west...and my sister is a nurse. i think i could go live with them for a little while and getting away from here and geting out there with them may be 'rehab' enough for me. it will force me to come clean to my family as well and gettig out of this town for a little while may be the push i need. thanks again for you support. please keep me in your prayers as i start all over again : (

[akitagurl12]

stop beating yourself up, at least you are trying!  Do you know how many people out there never even try to beat their addiction, not even once?  And you are doing it.  I relapsed a lot before too.  But instead of using it as a reason to be mad at yourself, try using it as a learning experience.  Was there anything you learned from this?  I know it took me a bunch of relapses before i learned that i just gotta burn every bridge i have to getting pills no matter what.  Doing that and accepting that i was an addict is what got me sober.  You mentioned church.  I went back to church too, after swearing i would never do that either.  Just get back up, resolve to quit again and make whatever changes you need to make that will support you through this process.  You are going to make it!

[atthebeach]

No one is a failure as long as they keep trying.
If you don't succeed at first ,try and try again.
The difference between success and failure is the ability to get up one more time than you fall.
Thou a righteous man may fall seven times, he gets back up.
Keep fighting my friend.
Keep the faith.
One step at a time.

[quitinoxys]

Dying I am sorry to hear that you relapsed, we all have at some point. The thing is to dust yourself off and go for it again. This time ask yourself "Where did I go wrong and what am I going to do differently this time". So get back to working your recovery and don't dwell on the failure but use it to make your recovery a success.

[ImDONENoMore]

dying - you wrote "How can i take time off work without losing everything? " - my question is how can you NOT take time off without losing everything?  Seriously you gotta get real here about your addiction and take the steps you KNOW you need to take to get well.  Just do it - find a rehab and check yourself in.  Let hubby deal with things while you're gone.  Just do it.

[worried878]

BTW:  the health pages are full of great info like the thomas recipe to help you get clean.  It is good to refer to this forum off and on even if you have been clean for years, just to remember why you dont want to go back to using.  Meetings help so much yet most addicts avoid meetings like the plague!  The support is the only medicine we have that truly works and living with addiction is a life long battle that doesnt go away because u have been clean for a month, or even a year!  Keep trying...dont give up and keep posting.

[worried878]

pick your self up and keep moving forward!  Look back on your plan to get clean...be sure you have a plan to Stay clean!  If you did not include any aftercare to stay clean, then its worth it and proven to increase your chances of staying clean.  Getting clean is easier than staying clean for most.  I dont think their are very many who make it to cleandom for life on the 1st go around, not even the second try.  We live and we learn, and we keep on going.  Whats the alternative?

[pitbullmom]

HI JUST A QUICK  WORD I AM ON SUBOXONE IT CONTOLS WD  SO I DONT HAV TO DO REHAB I GO TO MEETINGS AND I DONT  RELAPSE CUZ PILLS WONT  WORK ON SUB ITS DEF NOT FOR EVERYONE AND IT WONT DO THE MENTAL WORK FOR U BUT IF U NEED TO WORK AND QUIT PILLS ITS DEF A GOOD IDEA TO LOOK INTO IT IT GIVE U TIME TO GET UR DRUG SEEKING BEHAVOIR UNDER CONTROL HOWEVER IT DOES COSTS ALOT

[dyingtolive3]

Thank you so much for your kindess. I am angry at myself.so angry. I really want to go to rehab and i think I need to go but for those of you who have been there, how do you manage it financially? i have insurance so Im not really worried about that. I thin insurance will pay for most of it. But I am the primary breadwinner for our family. How can i take time off work without losing everything?
If anything good has come from this, i have to believe that maybe God is trying to get my attention. I left the church some time ago..angry at God for some things he allowed to happen..yada yada..i believe maybe he is rying to show me that wihtout Him..al my efforts are as filthy rags. I reflected alot yesterday. trying to get a plan. My hubby is being really sweet now. said he just 'hated to see me sick" (withfrawals). im not blaming him fr my using but I am blaming him for going back on his word. i am afraid this issue may be my deal breaker. i asked him to go to rehand with me. he will not.I have to make some hard choices. please keep those good words coming. Im wide open to any and all advice...

Kyle..Im going to go read your comments on the other posts.

[littlebit667]

Get back in here so we can support you in the relapse!  Getting clean can take time and a relapse is sometimes part of that recovery.  We also learn from our failures.  Figure out what caused it and try to find a way to keep it from getting you again.  YOU CAN do this!

[selfinduced]

You can do this. Go easy.....tomorrows a new day!

[Dane74]

OMG Kyle, you hit it head on!!!!  dyingtolive, i was so in your shoes 100plus days ago, and i feel for you, but its so true, what you do now is what will "define" you.  For me, i confessed to my hubby and said that i need to go away, and a 2 weeks later off to rehab i went for 30 days!  It was the hardest decision i have ever had to make but i can tell you this... it was the BEST decision i have ever made.....

I wish you the best and keep on fighting, you deserve to be FREE

[kyle505]

See my comments on your other post. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'd bet that I relapsed many, many more times than you. You haven't done anything more than hundreds have done before you. It is what you do now that will define you - that will show the world the kind of peron you truly are.

[Sonrissa]

Nobody is going to call you any of those things!! We don't judge people here! The question is what do you want to do? What is your situation now? What about your hubby? If you want to quit, then you need to come up with a plan and start over!! We will help you! Take care and don't beat yourself up too much! We are here for you!