am i being selfish...or normal?

[Britney83]

So A frew weeks ago docs found a tumore in my left breast and that they feel thit has spread into my bloodstreem.  I am only 24 with a 8 month old baby.  My fiance found out and seemed worried.  He's still in medical school and this weekend had the opportunity to go on a business meetting type retreat thing in chicago.  I checked his phone last night and he was talking through texting to a girl from his class about whether he should stay with me or not.  She said that he should and that given that it' could be my last valentines day and my state of mind that he shouild be there.  So last night he asks me , do you want me to stay? I was like  huh? are u adcutally going to ask me that? I"m not gonna say yes becuase i know he wants to go. And i feel like the only reason he asked was that  he knew id say no so that when peoeple ask, "why didn't you stay with her" he can say, "i offered."  Does this make sense?  I dunno..if the roles were reversed and it was him depressed and that sick i wouldn't even give it a second thought...nor would i have asked...he MUST know that i want him here during this....if it was mandatory it would be different...but i talked to his girlfriend and shes' the head of the whole thing and said he can stay if he'd like and they won't hold it against him.  IT's like a class student council type thing i guess you could say, but for medical students and he's part of it.  anyhow, if it were him, i would stay for sure.  he even gave me some of his ambien which as all of you know was freaking about nyquil on the last post i wrote...anyway...i'm depressed...i wasw hoping i'd wake up this morning and see that he had worn his scrubs which would mean he went off to school.. but the scrubs are there, the suite is gone.  he left me a card and some cash...ths valentines day sucks

[VicUser]

You there, are you ok?

[VicUser]

There are a million guys that would love to have a wife like you. I was one of them, even after being married, whole other story. Love your baby, she is a precious gift,  my boys are 20 and 24, it seems like only yesterday they were small and I was taking them horsie back rides around the living room. Take care of yourself and being sweet and loving to him.

[Britney83]

oh..also..i took an ambien last night because i was laying there forever anxious that he was leaving this morning. every time i'd look at the clock i'd think..."6 hours till he leaves....5.5 hours till he leaves, 4 hours till he leaves, 3 hours till he leaves,,,,finally i took an ambien and now i feel like ****. I can't believe it's supposed to help people sleep.  it just made me confused and gave me a huge headache...ughhh...geeze britney why don't you cry another river....sigh

[Britney83]

thanks....i'm just too depressed to do anything right now.  I've become so dependant on him it seems like.  i hate it.  He doesn't want me to work until our baby is older. there's too much snow on the ground for me to even attempt to drive anywhere or else i'd get out of the house and go anywhere.  Even to a mall and people watch all the happy couples.  So i've been cleaning out my drawers and organizing jewlery.  tried to print off my taxes but the scanner is out of ink and i can't figure out where the new one go's.  i know...sad.  lol..i just put my daughter down for a nap.  i feel like just sitting here...i'm such a sad case..usually i'd clean and cook and look cute so that when my sweetie came home it was something to look forward to. who am i gonna do that for now?

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum...others have given you a lot of good ideas..i too stayed home w/ my babies and hubby was out of town all week....i made friends w/ moms of babies ..a lot of churches have something called MOPS (mothers of preschoolers). It is a national organization...check it out, see if they have it in your area..it's a great way to meet other moms....Good luck.

[avisg]

you are going to need support druning this time ,so you know med help has cancer fourms ,i would check them out I am sure there are many that know what you are going threw