am i being selfish...or normal?

[Britney83]

So A frew weeks ago docs found a tumore in my left breast and that they feel thit has spread into my bloodstreem.  I am only 24 with a 8 month old baby.  My fiance found out and seemed worried.  He's still in medical school and this weekend had the opportunity to go on a business meetting type retreat thing in chicago.  I checked his phone last night and he was talking through texting to a girl from his class about whether he should stay with me or not.  She said that he should and that given that it' could be my last valentines day and my state of mind that he shouild be there.  So last night he asks me , do you want me to stay? I was like  huh? are u adcutally going to ask me that? I"m not gonna say yes becuase i know he wants to go. And i feel like the only reason he asked was that  he knew id say no so that when peoeple ask, "why didn't you stay with her" he can say, "i offered."  Does this make sense?  I dunno..if the roles were reversed and it was him depressed and that sick i wouldn't even give it a second thought...nor would i have asked...he MUST know that i want him here during this....if it was mandatory it would be different...but i talked to his girlfriend and shes' the head of the whole thing and said he can stay if he'd like and they won't hold it against him.  IT's like a class student council type thing i guess you could say, but for medical students and he's part of it.  anyhow, if it were him, i would stay for sure.  he even gave me some of his ambien which as all of you know was freaking about nyquil on the last post i wrote...anyway...i'm depressed...i wasw hoping i'd wake up this morning and see that he had worn his scrubs which would mean he went off to school.. but the scrubs are there, the suite is gone.  he left me a card and some cash...ths valentines day sucks

[sickcookie]

From what ypu have told us I find it amazing that this(DOCTOR)has no compassion it would just seem the 2 should go together.My heart breaks for ya.My darling your reaction is normal.Are your parents and freinds in Seattle ,as you know seattle is cutting edge in breast cancer treatment.I know of many sucess stories.It sounds like you were just diagnosed at this point put yourself in front of anything else.Take that money and go out and do something really nice for yourself (shoes purse mani pedi massage )just a few ideas.Or could you fly home to see your parents I am a mother ,and would want my baby home to support and spoil.Sometimes we ignore peoples true colors and it sounds like he is selfish and self centered you deserve so much more.Good Luck and take care and put yourself on that pedistal that you belong.Good Luck

[Britney83]

thanks...that's sweet....i'm so eefin sick of feeling so sad..i love my daughter and we have so much fun together....and i love our house, we have a beautiful car, i don't have to work....he makes me feel so guilty because he provides everything for us.but i don't care if i live in a shack as long as i have an actual love or romance in my life....or maybe it just dies out eventually and that's it? Is that why marriages are always so unhappy? if that's the case than i am NOT ever getting married....my daughter just woke up.  I heard her sneeze and in the process she shot her pacifier across the room...lol....gotta go make her a bottle

[avisg]

sorry to hear you are going threw this .what are the doctors doing to do at this point for you

[VicUser]

PS. I am a Dad, if I one of my sons acted the way this guy is, they would have to have a bootectamy. That is were my boot would be so far up this bu** he'd have to have it surgically removed. I am so sad for you right now my heart hurts.

[Britney83]

yeah we've talked about it.  Last week we went out to dinner and over dinner he said , "you know, if it's fatal we're getting married asap baby.".....and i was like....??? HUH? So becuase you know that it's fatal, THAN you'll marry me? I know med school is rough and it takes a lot to deal with that, and the finances, and our love life, and my health to top it all off....and i do admire that he juggles all that..i really do...but i just feel such an emptiness in my life...he NEVER has time.....and like today...he COULD have chosen to stay without the president getting upset....(the school prez not the Bush prez) and yet he still chose to go...knowing that i feel this way....it really makes me wonder what's more important to him.

[VicUser]

Do you love him? If so, how about telling him the Yes, you want him to stay as long as you get married, now. Find out if he is willing to step up and be a man, or a slug that only had a shack up Honey and is now going to cut and run. I know this sounds cold, my heart goes out to you about the tumore in your breast, I'll pray that it turns out ok. But if this guy isn't going to be a MAN then get rid of him and find family member(s) that will help you.  If you do get married, love him with all your heart and with all your soul and show him everyday how much you do love him. If it's just that he is scared right now and he is a man, he will do what is right and show you the same love, respect and caring.