what is going on for me?

[Mikeinthesouth]

I sure would like to know this answer to the question if you have read my previous post about me staying away from any temptation today as I had written that this morning. Then I posted dr office calls with two good good scripts of lot of goodies in em and I made it ok with that just by m.m. then I was feeling abit better and just dealing with today and what has been going on in my life and trying to laugh abit around here with you all. Now guess the f ck what? My father in law comes from his house to our town 2 hours away and sleeps here tonight. No problem right? Ok he goes to bed in stepdaughters room. He freakin leaves a bottle of his hydro on the end table. It is my freaking end table so whatever is there is mine. Right?? He flippin knows how many hydros I boosted from him he has to as I just rerally did not care at times when we would go visit I would empty his medicine cabinet out of the majority of things just leave him a few per bottle. I know it was mean but at the time I could care less what he thought. Well I leave to pu my daughter and I think maybe he is going to pick it up and I get back and it is still there a whole script of hydros in my face and I am crying inside for some and crying not to have some. I told my wife he should pick it up becasue my baby might grab it in the a.m and she said (WHat the f ck is wrong with her) SHe can't reach it I said I can and she don't do ****. I dont know if I can do this. I think I should go to a hotel or throw father in law the **** out of my house. My wife has me me to many times rolled up on the floor throwing up sweating the whole nine yards and she knows those hydrocodones will get me where I was on as much as I can use for as long as I can breathe. I am scared and don't know what the **** to do...... Mike

[sadinmichigan]

My friend..You definately were tested hard all day and night yesterday..I am so very glad you posted..You have been a real good friend to me and anytime I can lend an ear..anything..I will..It was killing when my internet went down this am..I wanted to post..Of course I was in bed almost all day with this darn back problem..Anyway..I'm here for you as well as everyone else..It's ok to not act like superman all the time..Some can..good for them.. I know how bad you want to end this cycle fo yourself..and I think you even found out just how much you do to..especially yesteday..I am very happy for you and let yourself relish in this accomplishment..Don't let anyone tell you otherwise..I'll talk to you later my friend..much love  Lisa

[rob8080]

ive took oxys but never a 80 in whole..id break em into pieces & mke it last for 3days till i got more vics,,plus ive never snorted them & will prolly never take a oxy contin again,,on those few days a month i take some it 2or 3 percs or vics,,im just sayin the pills r never goin away they will always be around..just gotta be strong not to get addicted to em,,if u live in the city thn there everywhere,,i kno its a small town problem to but nothing compared to the city

[Mikeinthesouth]

you must be a very stong fellow since I have seen this drug take so many down and to their graves much stronger than I. Once you can't use enough oc to get off on then what will you use H so you can test your strength there. Be careful and best regards to you, Mike

[Mikeinthesouth]

strength so far has nothing to do with it for me yet but I know where they are as well and know they are everywhere but I got em outta my reach for awhile and that is how I have to handle it if you can deal with it more power to you and hope you stop while you can. Good luck to you in your endevour. Mike

[rob8080]

theres a pill house on every block here & my cuz is on 3-4 oxy 80s a day,,& he crushes & snorts them...its always in my face..almost every1 i kno takes em for fun or is addicted,it just seems to be the popular drug now,,just have 2 b strong

[Mikeinthesouth]

Please just look at what I deal with up top to just make it one more day I shouldda stopped while I could and been easier on myself. Mike

[rob8080]

i did it for yrs with no problem,,,until i got hurt & was in awful pain for over a yr & was on 8-10 perc 5s a day,,i took wat the dr prescribed me & thats how i got hooked..i kno i cant take thm everyday like that anymore..i kno my liver cant take it,,i wake up happy everyday & feel normal..no way im messin that up..normal life is not about bein high on pills everyday all day..i wasted 4 yrs of my life like that.

[joann1975]

rob i would be very careful with that..... i used to take them for fun too..... took me years of taking them off and on and smokin some pot until i got full blown addicted. i hope you don't take our advice too lightly.

[cathy5841]

be careful rob, that could come back n bite you in a$$

[rob8080]

i suffered threw those awful wds ,so theres no way ill get addicted again unless i get hurt again,,,but i can hve fun now a few times a month..i dont like to drink so on saturdays ill take a few pills,,,it was never really a mental addiction for me,just the physical dependence...just kept takin them 2 avoid the wds...i only got this 1life & i dnt wanna spend it bein addicted to pills but at the same time i wanna hve a lil fun

[puranx]

same thing happenend to me, went years with being able to play and have fun until i got a series of injuries that required em.

[rob8080]

i was addicted to hydro & oxy for 4yrs..now i take a few pills a few times a month for fun and im doin fine...i just know better to just do it on saturdays & not abuse em ...i use to take for fun long time ago & never got addicted till i hurt my shoulder & went thru surgery & the yr recovery that involved pills everyday for the pain

[s10sittnondubs]

Good job mike, man I would have been so mad at him I don't know if it would have made me use in spite or to stay clean and spite the man for the rest of his life by saying I didn't take your pills I am clean, I don't need them or your BS.  I am proud of ya man and if you shouldn't feel weak at all right now.  I would be so proud of myself by saying I can deal with this withouth having to use narcotics to feel like myself, this is myself, clean.  I am so happy to hear that man and that you are still fighting the good fight.  Keep it up mike, I know you don't wanna relapse and w/d again and feel like you did more than TWO WEEKS ago!!!  You are here to stay I can feel it.

[Mikeinthesouth]

never eally like the pot high I get don't know why I kept trying in teenage years. Wish I did enjoy it I would enjoy boutta an ounce today. LOL

[rob8080]

take em & sell them & go buy some weed & GTA4 & come home high on weed & pop GTA4  in right in front of him & tell him thanks for the gm A-hole

[Jacqui805]

Glad you made it through that harrowing experience Mike.  Good work son.

[Mikeinthesouth]

oh I am very weak when it comes to that as I said could not have done it save my friend reminding me of the chaos I am just getting a bit of relief from. If you would have seen me last night you would have thought I was going to physically cry.

[kim715]

I'm so happy to hear you're alright and so sorry you had to go through that yesterday.I pray that you have a much less stressful day.Yesterday was enough stress for a week and you made it, congratulations.I think you're alot stronger then you give yourself credit for.Take it easy my friend. Peace.

[dominosarah]

WOW  Your strength just rocks my world!!!!!

[worried878]

I missed all of that last night mike but good for u....u made it and did not cave...u have come too far to cave at this point...this is the time that is gonna work for u...this is your last wd...no more...i can feel it in my bones! (:

[lonelyinCA]

No matter how weak you say you feel right now - you are incredibly strong (to me) and hilarious too.  Keep up the good spirits.

[cathy5841]

thank goodness you didnt use mike.  i dont want to hear anymore how weak your are.  that took one strong will last nite!!!! so we know you got it now.  you just gotta learn you can use it anytime you need to.  I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
much love
cathy

[joann1975]

Good job Mike!

[Mikeinthesouth]

First off I would like to thank you all for the help and apologize for throwing all of yesterday's insanity for me on here. I Don't know why Irony lil devil god who knows why yesterday turned out like it did. Major anxiety for me as I know I cannot trust myself at all right now. DOC or not it is an opiate and I want it and yes don't want it. I want to have myself back more so but that has never stopped me from b llsh tting myself into doing what I do best right now.
I cannot undestand my wife for her actions last night so I ask her today via phone what the hell was that about last night you could not even consider what I am dealing with. SHe says that I will have to be strong with those at some point so why not now. SHe is loving in most other aspects and I thought we had a great rerlationship. Does she want me back or want the other me back stoned or wding i HONESTLY DON'T KNOW RIGHT NOW but I want myself back for my girls as my teen daughter does not have her Mother I am it thats all she has as far as parents go andd she wants me back I can tell. I do know that divorce is just another thing in life that I have dealt with and can pull through that as well Love or No love time heals all most of the time. There are to many fish in the sea for me to sweat this kinda **** out in my house. I gurantee this PAW PAW won't be back for a long long time. It is inconceivable to me to know that I did not just blantantly take them all in his face and swallow em down and laugh at him when he looks sad for losing his lil pain pills ignorant old ******* man. I kindsa started to like him lately as he was trying to be less of an old grumpy fart not anymore do I even think him to be a bloody human welcome here for now. Granted that they don't understand whats going on in my head other than he has a problem taking to many but he will change Yeah rigfht I'll change change the locks on my house. Sorry just po'd and still shaking a bit. All night I laid in bed thinking how I could be well for the time being but kept telling myself as my friend suggested to what I would be doing this morning early calling back dr going score or using my *** off to the land of the free.
I would like to thank my friend for calling me when I needed it and glad I posted it here rather than doing the alternative. She is a life saver for me today I love ya pal and quit peering at me. LOL
I am clean that for me is a freaking miracle right now. This is my longest time since 2003 I have a clear mind.