so unhappy... is it from the pills??

[Stormy16]

I have been addicted to vicodin for about 3 yrs now.... about 3 to 4 pills per day. I wanna stop so bad. Its all of your posts that give me hope. I feel like i dont even know myself anymore.... nothing makes me happy and all i think about is having my pills but they dont make me happy either. I dont get excited about anything. We are going to hawaii in 3 months, somewhere i have always wanted to go, and honestly i could care less. Why am i feeling like this?? Is it from the pills?? And if i stop will i feel happy again?? Im so afraid to stop like as if i couldnt function without them..... i know i will feel sick for a wk from withdrawls.... im just worried about being happy again... why does vicodin do this?? i hate it.... thanks for all your time!! :)

[nic374]

i did forget to mention you said your husband has the same problem so do I with my mom we are very close and love each other very much but im breaking away from it with or without her.  if you contine you two will feed the problem swap doctors and share medicine.  not good life has a plan for all of us and when we seek help the first steps in NA is to rid of bad influences that help your drug addiction along well how to you to that when it is someone you love

[nic374]

you can quit on your own you only take three you were like me at one time two was good i had a baby and got off of them wo drugs but you may need some therpy to help that addictive side to you.  you may have mild withdrawls you saw in all these post these people like myself now is over the top in their addiction.  you dont need the same extense treatment as others on these post however you will be like me and the others that take 15 or more pills if you dont stop.  let me tell you speaking from the same experience i fell back into it after my baby was born and three yrs later 25-32 vicoprofen a day and try getting off that.  so i encourge you to get off and never every take a pain killer again because if you think your unhappy now watch out because the real pain hasnt started yet.

[worried878]

and it is true that many actually begin to get depressed after a while from the pills..that high we were chasing turns on us and it is depression...but the sad thing is we still chase it!..why on earth would we contnue to crave and spend money on something that is making us so unhappy?  i guess it is the disease process but it is really dumb when u think about it..and I am 100% guilty of doing this...but i do feel like it will help u to quit that this has happened...because i have talked to others and this never had happened to them/the euphoria turning to dysphoria...so i think maybe i was kind of lucky...who knows but u r moving in the right direction

[marcatj]

then change it stormy, change it.

and talk about it.  they say we're "as sick as our secrets."  keeping this in the dark is not going to do either of you any good...

it would be great if both of you could do it together.  who knows...  you can't mkae him, you can only change you.  but it couldn't hurt to talk about it.  and it COULD really help.

don't keep it in the dark anymore... i personally think it would help start the process if you guys talked about it...

good luck,
mj

[Stormy16]

eveything that u guys say helps me so much cuz i can totally relate... it used to give me so much energy and make me feel good but now im always irritated and depressed. I know i need to stop... it really worries me cuz my husband has the exact same addiction as me.... we dont talk about it much cuz i think we are both so afraid of how to funtion without it. I know i need to do it first so i could help him. We have been married 8 yrs and im afraid that in the end addiction could really hurt us. I feel like neither of us have any hobbies... nothing we truely enjoy.... makes me so sad

[worried878]

after u r clean for a spell...u will feel this spark..and u wont recognize it a first...like u will be excited about something and u will be confused....like "i never just feel like this out of the clear blue sky"   but it will be pure unfiltered happiness coming down on ya...u will simply love it....wait on it to come....i promise it will

[marcatj]

keep pushing, brother... you'll get there.  i can read it in your post...

warmly,
mj

[marcatj]

yes, vicodin does that.

i can tell you that it's the only time in my life i felt suicidal.  ever. the depression was indescribably. as well, the isolation, the apathy, all of it.  worried said it the best, above - it pounds your happiness into the ground... that is a very accurate description.

but you CAN be happy again.  really, really happy.  but you gotta get off of them.

it is definitely the pills.... and all i can tell you for me - once off of them, i finally felt joy again. and started living again.

do whatever it takes to get off of them.... you can do it.

warmly,
mj

[worried878]

for me the euphoria they gave me at the beginning turned into depression and isolation in the end...a total bumber!...in ways i think this is fortunate as it makes it easier to quit..this doesnt happen to all i hear....it did to me tho...it is hard to continue something that is pounding my happiness into the ground...but i still did use for a while...and still chased the feeling they once gave me

[mdan9mm]

I had surgery in 2001 and never touched a painkiller before that. the dr prescribed vicoden which i got so addicted to way too fast. now 7 years later and about 4 trips to a detox place and still trying to kick it. I'm presently on suboxone, day 5 and it's working. so far so good, but the craving will never go away. in my hayday of using i was on the 10/325, 10/500 12 - 15, to 20 a day. whatever i could get, percs, oxys, cant believe my wife is still with me and i have three boys !! what a trip its been,and not a good one either !!, when im on the pills i can function, play with the kids, joke around,etc. when i have no pills, im just a lump of mush on the couch who has zero energy, which i why i always picked up and started using again, a very vicious cycle my friend, but what i did learn is YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE, wont work, never has. i never went to meeting, thought i was able to go it alone, nope, can't do it. ive only recently joined this site myself and im glad as he77 that i did, amazing people here who really want to help. i really have no clean time time yet myself as the longest i went was after a did a 6 month group thing with urine tests,etc, graduated got my "token", tried to put it in a slot machine...lol...and started right were i left off, i thought i was the biggest loser, but there are so many others like me that i realize im not alone, and never will be. funny thought, too bad we all cant find an island, like tv's LOST, and call it Rehab Island and we can sit around and tell our stories to each other...lol...ok ill stop rambling.take car & good luck..

[corey411]

Sounds like its from the pills. Pretty soon 5 won't make you happy then you go to 8.....10.....12 and eventually your using just to feel normal. It sounds like you are afraid and want to stop. Your right about being sick for 4-7 days but your dose is not that high so you might get off easy. The hard part is staying off. You will not feel like your old self for awhile. By the time it comes to go to Hawaii you will be feeling happy again. Just keep posting , read posts and ask for help and support. Corey

[Kova]

Hi.  yes, the opiates can make you very depressed and numb.  they mess with your brains neurotransmitters...dopamine and serotonin, which we need to feel happy and alive and connected.  most people come out of it after quitting for a period of time, but some do not and may need meds for depression (me being one of those).  if you are not normally prone to depression then you will probably get your spark back just from giving up the opiates.  they drain you dry of your happy juice!

good luck to you.

love and light,
Kova

[owhatamistake]

Hi Stormy.....I am currently tapering from a 2 year addiction to Vicodin (about 10-12 at my highest to 6-8 at my lowest--7.5/500).  The pills changed my whole personality.  I became very, very unhappy and depressed, I was scared of things I had never been scared of before, I became housebound and paranoid.  I was afraid to drive my car.  I also couldn't think of anything BUT my pills either.  As soon as I'd get a new (big) bottle I'd worry about getting a refill.  I decided it was time to STOP this madness and get this monkey off my back!  I am on my second day of my taper and having been reading these posts for the past couple of weeks I am sure you'll feel happy again if you decide to be pill free!  Much luck in whatever you decide to do!