dede

[dede2121]

i am back for awhile. i have had limited internet access.
but anyway. about 3 weeks ago i moved into my own apartment. i was feeling really good about everything. things were go. ing well. while moving i couldnt attend meetings so i slowly lost track of going.
need less to say i saw my sister in law and got a pill from her. i just thought to myself that 1 couldnt hurt. well it did. now i didnt take bunches of them just one or two here and there and not everyday. but the addiction is just as strong. so as of today i am getting back on the wagon. i really cant explain what caused me to fail but i did. and i have thought about this place everyday but was too ashamed to come here and admit failure.
luckily i am sick with the flu, again so i can use that as an excuse to be out of work. i dont think the withdrawls will be bad if at all since i didnt take too many.
i feel so bad because i failed you all. i just dont understand why i felt the need to take one again,
but i know what to do.

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree with everyone here - there is NO shame in falling, in fact, it's what we do when we make the mistake that matters, not the mistake itself.  And you have learned from it and know what to do going forward.  That is ALL that matters dede.  It really is.

I believe in you and know you can continue on and stay strong.  :)

[dede2121]

i had a huge post written and it disappeared.
but anyway, eye of all people i hated for you to read that i failed.
i do plan on going to meetings again. i found one that is much closer than the other one. and besides there was this man who kept hitting on me there and it made me uncomfortable. but i did notice about the time i stopped the meetings is when the urge kicked in. i never did get a sponsor or speak to much maybe that caused me to fail at this.

i hope this fever will end soon and i can get to a meeting tomorrow. dont want to make anyone else sick.

i have limited access to internet so i will get on here everychance i get.

[eyeofhorus2010]

Dede, sorry you tripped up. Don't let it get you down too much. I've always felt that the 6 week mark was ripe for relapse. You'll be alright, get back to the meetings and all of those other good habits you were starting to develope.

I'm glad you caught yourself now rather than waiting another 3 or 4 months. This time no excuses... go to the meetings and post here every chance you can.
Missed seeing you around these past few weeks, we'll see you a little more often now right?
Your friend Bob

[sudie58]

the main thing is that your wanting to stop, the keeping clean is the hardest part, please dont think of yourself as a failure,your not ,just human. i had a few relapses, before i got clean this time and i do think you learn from them in a strange way. dont feel to bad about it, its done and now its another start, you havent given up giving up!
perhaps you can realise what the trigger was that got you to take it, and you now know that you cant take "just one", keep strong, look after yourself, i really wish you the best.
              sudie