can't believe its true!

[Kuckma]

Right now in my head all it am thinking:keep it together KEEP IT THE H*** TOGETHER!!!!!!!
Its true I am an addict. I started reading this site last night. After I had ran out of Norco.
All I take is 2 a day. When I knew last night that I can not take more to get rid of the pain at night.I freaked out!!!
Anxiity all night, my whole body is hurting, my muscles are spazing.
And I do not want to kids to talk to me. Keep it together its not there fault wait till there gone off to school with a smile then go cry.
I am a mother of three with a good job, a good family life, but no one knows..........I think
As I am reading on this site some family members knew without someone saying.
I can not think.....I am an addict......wow
I had to call out work, this will look bad on me!
What in the world am I gona do, this is so bad I never thought this could ever happen to me

[dominosarah]

Hi and Welcome to the forum.  Take some deep breaths and try to calm yourself.  We will help you get thru this.  There are things you can do to ease these symptoms a bit.  Soaking in a hot bath will ease some of the aches and pains.  There are supplements you can take also.  Do you take any now?  How long have you been taking Norco?  The pain may feel worse for a bit as you will feel rebound pain and then it should get better.  Do you take anything else?

[dede2121]

you will be ok. i know it doesnt seem like it right at this minute but you will. i was like you thinking no one knew. but they did because those pills turned me into someone that they did not know.
i am on day 5 clean. i am tired today but not too bad.
first of all calm down and take some breaths. if you only took 2 a day like i did. coming off them may not be as bad as you think. my wd's werent as bad as some on here. but still i felt like c rap.
so what if you had to call in sick. you are entitled to be sick. i promise you will feel better  by day 3. not like running a marathon but you will feel better.

[el_em_en_oh]

You have taken a HUGE step by coming to the realization (all by yourself, I might add), that you're an addict and have a problem that needs to be fixed. A lot of people take months, sometimes YEARS to fully come to grips with the fact that they truly are an addict.

Congrats on your decision to rid yourself of the narcotics. As the above said, take a deep breath, take a step back, and calm down. We're here with you every step of the way, and will help you get through this. There is a lot of sobriety in this forum, and there's always going to be someone here that's 'been there & done that'.

Post back and let us know your thoughts. It's good to keep talking about it.

LMNO

[Kuckma]

Omg what a mess....im so embarrassed.....Im just crying...the kids are gone....
I been taking it for about on and off a year now....after a surgery because of cancer I started taking it. Shortly after that I had a bad case of shingles. So I started taking it again,
I do not take anyting else, but my thyroid meds  but to be honest, I am thinking about going to the garage and getting me a bottle of beer. From my husbands stash, I never never drink and its 8:40 in the morning.
I think the anxiety is the worst right now, the pain is managable so far, and I am so so restless but can not even get up and make coffee or take a shower.
wow I had no idea you could get addicted to drugs even if u take so little.

[dominosarah]

NOOOOOO dont go and get any beer.  Jump in the shower instead and let the warm water do its job.

Please dont be embarrassed.  We all understand where you are coming from.  We have been there.  

Try and get up, move around and stay busy.  It will really help you.

[Kuckma]

Is anyone around here ever afraid of what the Dr. might think about you?
Does the Dr. know? Does he know that I am a addict?
Do I need to tell him? I really don't think I can tell him. I been knowing him for so long.....
He trust my word......I called his nurse 10 min ago and ask for a early refill. Im sure he is guna call me back and refill I hope the does not.......I am an addict.....I am sorry Im going on and on....but u so do not understand.
I am the mommy who takes the kids to the movies on the weekends, invites there friends over for sleepovers, I make dinner and bake cookies after a 10 hour workday and make sure the kids are bathed and but on clean underwear, I work for the Government......what a facade!!!!!!!
this all means nothing....Honestly I am able to do most of these things because of those pills, I look forward to them. One when I get home to have a happy mask on for the kids and another one when its time put the mask on to go to bed to make the hubby happy. When Im off and know I stay home, I take 3or4 a day and just do housework that way. It helps me get things done, with a smile on my face
I AM NUMB! so so so numb......the smile.....is fake......"I love you baby, be a good listener and follow directions in school" Words I say....somewhere I feel them....but its so so deep I can not reach in and pull the feelings to the surface. I can not remember life without them.

[IBKleen]

I am sorry you decided to get the refill. there is still time to change your mind. Believe me, we DO understand. We are all addicts here or family members of addicts and there is not much we haven't done, heard or seen.

What concerns me right now is that you began taking the pills for pain and now you are taking them for "the feeling". You are on such a low dose and would be able to get off now with minimal discomfort in a few days.

If you go back on them, that feeling of euphoria will go away and you will need more of the drug to try and recapture it. That is the cycle of addiction.

I would love it if you would stay here and talk with us. Let us help you and get you through this. Please reconsider?

In a perfect world, telling your doctor, admitting that you have a problem and asking for help is ideal. If you want help and want to be off of this merry-go-round, that is a great place to start.

[duluthguy]

I can say for me I was TERRIFIED of what my doctor would think, I was so so scared and it went just awesome. I'm sure your doctor has seen it many many times before!! You are me 16 days ago... The stories are the same the names are just mixed. You will be fine in 4-5 days, the pills create a false sense of security- you will be amazed that you are the same person, just without them little devils making all your decisions for you!! Just call your doc and ask to see him today!! It will help beyond belief, keep posting on here, you can make it if I did! God Bless!

[dominosarah]

If you continue in this cycle those pills will no longer put a smile on your face or make your hubby happy.  They will steal everything you have.  Right now they are giving you a false sense of security.  I hope you will stick around here and really listen to what we are saying as we understand where you are at right now and we KNOW where you are headed if you dont get some help.             sara

[gnarly_1]

HI......you really dont want that refill it is the addict in you that dose....your not in that deep yet if you get out now....2 pills everyday and 3 or 4 on your days off is only going to turn into
3 or 4 pills a day then 5 or 6 it will only keep getting worst your early on in your addiction
take it from somebody that did the pills for 10yrs when you get there your eating them by the handful its no way to go threw life....if you stop now you will go threw a few days of he ll but in the end you wont be chained to a pill bottle as for the addiction it is treatable you need to be honest with your doctor then take the proper steps to help treat the desiese  dont pick up the pills stick with us here....we understand at the height of my addiction I was a father of 5 and a top 5 producer in sales this desiese dosent discriminate on who winds up as an addict the key here is do you want out or do you let it destroy you and everything around you the choice is yours....we can help keep posting for support
good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[Kuckma]

I was thinking the whole time, Im taking the meds for managing the constant Muscle pain that I have. I have a condition where my body is not able to absorb or contain Calcium almost at all.
One wrong step and my muscles are cramping up all over my body. that is very painful at time. but most of the time its manageable. The Drs are still trying to figure out how to fix it. I am realizing today that its not the pain that makes me take the pills. Its my addiction, for 2 hours I have been here in the same spot sitting on the couch thinking how much I am fooling myself.

[DayToTry]

Kuckma ... You said you felt like we wouldn't understand, but EVERYTHING you said hit us all right at home because we all understand exactly.  We all thought the pills made us who we are and that we needed them to live and help us make it through the day and to make us be the special person.  And also ... that we were fake.  And oh so numb. Yeah, everything you said.  You bet.  Read this forum.  We've all said exactly what you said.  We all look around and say, "Oh my god, you too?"  Once you put the pills down it all becomes so clear.  

Please keep reading the forum.  Try not to get the refill, but even if you do get it just keep reading the forum.  A year ago I was like you and I got my refill and quit reading the forum.  I'd give anything to go back and redo this year and not quit reading the forum.  Please ... keep reading.  I could have a clean year instead of 50 some days and not have had this messed up year.

Good luck to you.

[mommymom1105]

Telling ur dr and probably husband would be the best idea out there. It helps to know that someone is in ur court and has ur back. Ur dose is so low that you shouldn't feel as bad as some of the horror stories on here. U r a mom first and formost u not only have to do this for urself but also for them. U have been a person happy with out pills before and can be again. U can get the "flu" or feeling like ur coming down with something. Melatonin helps for sleep well. And a good mulitvitamin helps too. But I promise if ur only taking 2 a day it shouldn't be that bad.keep us up dated and post post post read read read it helps

[Kuckma]

I can hear you all, I understand the words, there is this huge billboard that is flashing in my head. "I want his to stop".
Its not so much physical but mentally I think. The whole body pain and anxiety.
with so a low dose as you say, I am sure I am doing all of this to myself.
but it is so hard to walk, feel like my legs can not carry me anymore.

[mommymom1105]

So stay where u r and relax... Watch a movie... Read. Then breathe and get up with a smile on ur face. U can and will make it... Mind over matter

[NearlyInsane]

The happy feelings will come back, but you gotta stop taking the pills for a while so your brain can rewire itself.

I understand your fear of telling your doc.  I choose not to tell mine because I've had serious chronic back pain issues & if it ever comes back as bad as it once was, I want to be able to get the same meds I got before.  I've just gone down the same path as you - pain started coming back, but not so back i needed the fentanyl patches I was on.  So I started taking lortabs.  slowly was taking more & more, & not always for pain but so I could sleep, then for the feeling it gives me.  Now I'm trying to get back OFF 'em.  You can do this.  2 a day should be easier to quit than what most of us are on.

[gnarly_1]

HI......your tolerance is still low that dosent mean you wont feel the withdrawals if you take it every day your form a dependency on them....this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental
the physical su cks but it is the mental part that brings most of us down...you need to fight on both fronts for the next few days your just going to have to be ok without being okfor a wile...this to shall pass ....I truly believe this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind
there are things you can do to help....a hot bath goes a long way in relaxing you and releaving most of the symptoms.....as for the mental part the best advise I have for you is an N/A meeting you can share your feelings there and people will understand you will also learn the skills and tools to manage your addiction...nothing replaces human interaction and you cant do this alone we will be here to support you encourage you but in the end it will be up to you to make the right choice...I know how scary this sounds
but try not to let fear into the equation its always worst in our minds then it turns out to be....you can do this...we do home detoxes everyday from this web site we can walk you threw it keep posting for support..........Gnarly    

[duluthguy]

When I quit taking my pills, my neck pain (why i started) went away with the after the withdrawals were over, crazy how these things create pain. I can't say that it will do the same for you, but I've heard others on here mention this as well. You are not alone, everyone on here knows EXACTLY what you feel. Hard to believe but its oh so true! We hurt for you right now, feel your pain, and want to help. Tell your doctor, trust me, it works. And either way you go, just let us know, not one person on here will judge you or look down on you. We just want to help. God bless!!

[dominosarah]

You didnt set out to get addicted.  You are feeling very overwhelmed right now.  We are here for you, just know that.          sara

[Kuckma]

I'm sorry, u all are going to be part of my life for a while, especially today....
so please grab a comfy chair.

The reason I am so ashamed and embarrassed is because I am one of those old fashion German gals- Be there for your family, do your job well, don't pay attention to much to yourself but to your family.
Well.......did I F*** that up or what??
The pills make me not pay too much attention to my body,pain, overworked, tired, frustrated, sad....does not matter.  But it also makes me not pay attention to my family like I should. Im doing it, yes, but without any feelings or fake feelings that are gone again. when I "come down". How selfish is that?  But no matter what it is, with the drugs I can handle it, so now, how will I handle it? HOW?
So I guess I need to talk to my Dr. after all and blow my cover.

OK, this is what we will do, I will make coffee.......In between I thank for finding u guys. Maybe I really can be "normal" again.

I am going to get dressed and go to the store to get grocery's. Now the whole time I have that prescription in the back of my head....I hope I can make that go away....I might take some Tylenol for the bodypain to make it easier to walk.

[gnarly_1]

HI....im a coffee lover to but when your detoxing it can make the anxiety worst so ether dont drink it or limit it to 1 cup....for me the anxiety was one of the worst symptoms
everybody has something that they find to be there worst symptom you mentioned it
so I thought I would let you know about caffeine being a no no....the shoping will be good it will take your mind off all this do your best to stay bizzy good luck and God bless...Gnarly    

[DayToTry]

And if it helps you any ... Most day I was only taking 3 Vicodin a day and I didn't have near the WD symptoms people talk about on here so I am hoping the same for you.  Also I took Ibuprofen (which Tylenol may do the same) for the aches.  Just keep remembering that it will only be a few days.  Just a temporary thing.  After that its all mental.  Wishing you all the best.

[Kuckma]

Update:
so I went to the store, I was dragging like you would not believe it.
I was going to get some catlittler but I could not lift the container. What the heck?
I still carry my seven year old to bed....
My body is a week.
When I got home just now, I put away the stuff, and I dont know just on a hunch,
took my temp. 100.4 and I am sorry, I have to share, I been having  the runs all day long and can not eat. Did not eat at all today.

Did anyone experience that before? A light fever with the withdraw or am I coming down with something together with the withdraw?

And again the whole time I have that prescription in the back of my mind.
did I tell you all what a huge help u all been today? Thanks

[kristina32]

Know your not coming down with anything,your going through withdrawals and it will kind of come at you in different ways,it is a bit different for every one.Having a low fever and the runs,know energy are all part of withdrawals and tomorrow you might not have a fever and/or the runs but there might be a new withdrawal symptom.I am amazed that you even went shopping your doing great. I can relate to you 100% I am A mommy of three and reading your story was like reading my own...Stay strong:)