can't believe its true!

[Kuckma]

Right now in my head all it am thinking:keep it together KEEP IT THE H*** TOGETHER!!!!!!!
Its true I am an addict. I started reading this site last night. After I had ran out of Norco.
All I take is 2 a day. When I knew last night that I can not take more to get rid of the pain at night.I freaked out!!!
Anxiity all night, my whole body is hurting, my muscles are spazing.
And I do not want to kids to talk to me. Keep it together its not there fault wait till there gone off to school with a smile then go cry.
I am a mother of three with a good job, a good family life, but no one knows..........I think
As I am reading on this site some family members knew without someone saying.
I can not think.....I am an addict......wow
I had to call out work, this will look bad on me!
What in the world am I gona do, this is so bad I never thought this could ever happen to me

[NearlyInsane]

I think it's gonna work out fine for you.  Like you said, your attitude about the pills has changed, & as long as you don't let yourself even THINK about taking them for the warm fuzzies again, let your hubby dole them out to you, hopefully you won't have much withdrawal at all when you get off of 'em again.  You shouldn't have to taper too long either - can probably start at 1 a day since you've been off 'em for a couple days.  

I'm glad your hubby knows & is supportive.  Take care!

[quietllythinking]

I think your hubby was incredibly supportive. I know telling mine made a difference for me, only I didn't tell him until I was through the worst of it. I didn't know he had kicked an oxy habit (that he developed after a head on collision before we met), so all along he would have understood. He told me he had the utmost respect for me going cold turkey as he definitly had to taper. Funny thing is, I didnt look at his addiction any differently than mine. My advise to you is to have your hubby dispense your meds for you. I tried a taper. It DID NOT work for me as I kept taking more than I had planned for the day. Not saying that would be you, but if he is willing (sounds like he is),that might be the way to go. Best of luck to you though.

[dede2121]

i was afraid to tell my doctor but i did. and he was pretty much understanding. although no more refills.
dont be afraid to go to your doc. remember you pay him. that is what he is there for. if you really want to do this i recommend telling your doc and your family. that i think was the turning point for me, tel ling my family. although they suspected anyway.
today is day 6 for me and i still think about them everyday but my will to stay clean seems to be a little stronger now than the want to take pills.
you can do this. i know tapering may work for some people but i think it is just prolonging the inevitable.
good luck to you. dede

[pillfree21]

As hard as it is to look on the positive side of things, the fact that you are early in your addiction and your tolerance is not as high as many of us others will most definitely work in your favor when you decide to really start fighting off this thing.  This is a very crafty situation that could linger on for years and before you know it you could be in a more serious predicament...it can only get worse as long as you continue to take opiates with reason.  I wish you the best and there is a lot of great info and advice on this site.

[Storme]

I'm sorry you went back to the pills today. I am addicted tot hem as well but I went cold turkey 5 months ago today. It was hard. I won't lie about that but I did it and i know you can too. I am so glad you told your husband and you will be talking to your doctor. It was my doctor and an ER doctor who made me go cold turkey. I honestly think you should toss that refill out and take the leap and get it over with. I don't have personal experience with a taper plan though and perhaps that is the right way for you to go. Either way, I am here for you as we all are and we will help you get through this!

xoxo Teresa~

[Kuckma]

what the He** happened?

I failed, yes I failed you all!

Everything I went through today, I flushed down the toilet like a piece of S***!

This is what happened....
I had spent all afternoon crying in my bed, using the heating pad to stay warm, covered with two blankets, still shivering.
When the kids got home, I told the oldest to help with homework and start dinner. Then hubby came home and found me like this.......
He was ready to take me to the urgent care, but I told I did not need to go, I am sure they would have figured out that I am withdrawing. So a big NO on that on...
Thats how I spent a few more hours, the pain was just unbelievable, then when I posted here about three hours ago, hubby walked in on me, I am closing the laptop fast....
' Baby, what are you hiding, let me see, we do not have secrets, remember...?'
By that time I was so run down, out of my mind.....I confessed it all....all of it.
I was so so freaking scared he was guna just walk out, Hubby is a EMT and deals with this stuff all the time. I just KNEW he is guna let me have it.
Boy was I wrong, he was pissed at first, but mostly because I did not talk to him earlier. HE was the one who went to the pharmacy and filled the prescription.
This is what he said ' We all have some kind of addiction if it is Nicotine, coffee, Sex or even food. Some of them are more harmful then others.' He told me that we should come up with a plan
between the Dr and Hubby to maybe taper off slowly and not go cold turkey, we are going to wait till I have a treatment plan and a diagnosis from the doctor, to get rid of the muscle cramps.
I was crying the whole time, so was he....gawd I love him so much!

Anyway here is the interesting part, when he brought back the pills,I noticed my 'relationship' between them has changed. After going through hell today, there are evil for me. I did not have the fuzzy warm feeling anymore towards them. So something changed

So anyway, yes, I have failed, and we all know, I have to do it soon again.....
but let me tell you this....I can not think of a better 'family' that I want to share my taper off with, and get support from, then you! What a loving and supporting group you all are. I am still in aahhh, Im going to sleep now its close to midnight, 05:00 is coming too soon, now I know I can go to work tomorrow.

To Nicole: I need you to send that Memo about no personal contact after duty hours out to all of my people ASAP.  Cause by God they called me twice today, I feel like I really wanna go AWOL. lol. like the world stops turning when I take one sick leave day....gotta love them....