can't believe its true!

[Kuckma]

Right now in my head all it am thinking:keep it together KEEP IT THE H*** TOGETHER!!!!!!!
Its true I am an addict. I started reading this site last night. After I had ran out of Norco.
All I take is 2 a day. When I knew last night that I can not take more to get rid of the pain at night.I freaked out!!!
Anxiity all night, my whole body is hurting, my muscles are spazing.
And I do not want to kids to talk to me. Keep it together its not there fault wait till there gone off to school with a smile then go cry.
I am a mother of three with a good job, a good family life, but no one knows..........I think
As I am reading on this site some family members knew without someone saying.
I can not think.....I am an addict......wow
I had to call out work, this will look bad on me!
What in the world am I gona do, this is so bad I never thought this could ever happen to me

[dominosarah]

I hope you are getting some sleep tonight.  Let us know how you are in the morning.

[Nicole1105]

I, too, am very familiar with your story. I broke down and told Wifey and my wonderful, caring GP Dr. N after my 1st therapy session 2 weeks ago. I walked in to the appointment thinking I'd tell my therapist *some* stuff, but not all of it. I wound up confessing everything to her (how I bought pills off the street, how I wasn't weaning off like Dr. N thought I was).

I cried all the way home from the therapist, and cried in Wifey's arms before I told her. I was scared to death: scared that people wouldn't be supportive, scared that Wifey would leave me and Dr. N would kick me out of his practice, etc. None of that happened! First of all, yes Wifey already knew. This shocked the he!! out of me at 1st, but when I really thought about it, it made sense. Money kept disappearing, I kept "running errands" (meeting the dealer) all by myself, I was out of it all the time...in reality, she would have had to have been either pretty stupid or really inattentive in order for this to have been a surprise.  

Wifey said she has unconditional love for me and that she'd get me through this. She had an appointment with Dr. N that day but gave it up so that I could talk to him right away. Dr. N was understanding and simply said, "It's the chemicals, it's not you." They both told me no when I kept repeating that I was a failure. We all came up with a plan to taper me off of the MS Contin and the Oxycodone, this time with Wifey in control of my pills so that I did not cheat.

It's going well so far. It's not a piece of cake but it will be worth it! I was so sick and tired of living the pill head life. It feels so good to relax and be myself without having to worry about getting my next fix, not being able to pay my bills because I blew my whole paycheck on pills, etc.

You CAN do this! You are stronger than you ever imagined. Do it for your family, for your kids, for yourself. Like you, I work for the Government and I can tell you that my job definitely suffered because of my addiction. (Side note: I am surprised to read that they called you to see if you were coming in tomorrow. I thought it was a rule that they couldn't contact you at all, even if you go AWOL.) We are all here for you.  

[quietllythinking]

Hello, your story rang a bell with me. I hope you will believe me when i say I DO understand. Like you, I am a mom with 3 kids and I work for the freaking police department of all places (don't worry everyone, I am not a cop :)  ). This just couldnt be me. Addicts don't have jobs, bake cookies, make dinner, etc etc..right? WRONG. NO ONE would ever believe that I am an addict, but I am. 10 days clean today and it has been a struggle mentally, I plan on finding some kind of meeting by this weekend, (enough people have told me thats they way to be successful), I think all along my idea of what an addict is has been wrong. Anyone can be an addict and though it is a hard thing to admit to yourself, you have to get past that and decide what is important to you. I admit I log onto this site several times a day to read the stories, because those damn little pills are still calling my name. Cancel that refill and hang on. The first 3-4 days were the worst for me, but I just kept moving and it really did help. Not saying I am out of the woods, but I feel better than I have in several months.

[missa66]

Your story brought me to tears it's so much like mine. I started taking them after I had a bunch of dental work done and Doc was giving them to me for braces pain. Then I was getting sick so I was taking hydrocodone cough meds ALL THE TIME!! Didn't relize I was getting sick because I would stop taking it and withdrawal would start. 6 months into it the pharmacy wouldn't refill my cough meds because I just got a bottle of pills and cough meds at another pharmacy. I remember walking out of the pharmacy and thinking Oh Sh*T!!! What am I going to do. I had no idea what was about to happen but I knew it was going to be bad. I woke up the next morning to take my daughter to school and I was a mess, sweats, shakes, cold, fever, runny nose, the runs, couldn't eat. pain everywhere, anxiety, and I was so emotionally I could barley hold it together. My husband had no idea and I had to tell him. He was not understanding and was not helpful at all. He was very angry at me for lying and doing this. The next 3 or 4 days were awful. I thought I was gong to die. It helped to take a hot  bath and I would get in my car and drive and cry my eyes out. On day 7 I started feeling like a new person. It had been a long time since I was normal. I was doing ALOT!!!! I stayed clean for 4 months and got a migrain and took half a vicodin thinking I would be ok. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! It is 3 years later and have been doing them off and on. You have not been doing a big amount so you should probably feel physically better by the 3rd day, maybe sooner. Don't get the refill, call your doc and talk to him, you didn't mean to get addicted and he really needs to know to help you. I know it is hard but it will get better. I am 11 days clean and that is the longest I have been clean this year since july when I made it 21 days. I would do it 2 days and stop for a day or two so I didn't do it everyday so I would not have withdrawls. Even without the physical withdrawls it hits you mentally. Stay strong and get out now! I was feeling anxious and wanting to use so I logged on and started reading and now I am fine. I am here if you want to talk.

[gnarly_1]

HI....I just wanted to encourage you to stick it out....this is a 3 or 4 day deal for most
your habit is light so your withdrawals shouldn't be prolonged I agree with Jaybay get into a nice hot soak....your probably not going to sleep much if at all....and restlessness is all part of this so you will be up and down....it would be a good idea to get a blanket and roll up on the couch for the night.....try some soft music wile you lay there with your eyes closed it may be the closest thing to sleep you get....many people go to work threw this it will take your mind off it just make sure you got imodum to get you threw work a little more comfortably
in the morning if all else fails tell them you have came down with the flu and cant make it in
where all pulling for you to make it hang in there and keep posting....if you believe in God
prayer helps he's all you got at 3am when your up shaking a lot of us have beenh threw this I know exactly what it feel like....you can do this and be free of these dam pills good luck and God bless....I will pray for you.......Gnarly    

[lifewithoutcoke]

You can do this, please please don't give up. You are so close now, and once the wd let's up, your mind will slowly heal too, and you will no longer be numb emotionally. You'll be able to feel everything more deeply again, the love of your family, your kids. Things will become important to you in your life again. You just need to get through this physical part. You can do this!! We are here for you, please keep talking to us!