im sooo down tonite....

[jt808]

i feel like sht tonite its like i feel like such a loser which ive never really felt like at least not in this way or because of what im bout to say, im sure its not big deal to many of u but is to me. ok well lil bit ago i found out that all my friends were having our annual fantasy draft which we do every year before the start of football season, i was the one who got it started like 5/6 yrs ago and i find out from a buddy who isnt in the draft that there all overe at the guys house who has it every year doing it and noone called me to tell me or anythng lke that in fact ive been asking a few of em whn it was and they all say i dnt kno blah blah blah stuff so i tried calling them and texting them and no one was answering  my cals or texts im sure there all over there talking saying like oh its him and im not answering and stuff like that and for me to sit here thinking that thee doing that really makes me feel like complete sht and i can honestly say for the first time in id say my whole life i feel like a loser i have always ben pretty popular but after tonite i feel like a loser i kno its not a big deal to u all but im really down and it made me realize that i dont have any true friends and tht hurtsalot these are the same group of friend tht i told a lil over a year ago tht i have a problem and from that day i told em last year not ONE of em have ever called texted or emailed me asking how i was or anythn like that so i guess i shouldnt be surprised who knows mayb im just feeling srry for myself. but the only thng ive been able to thnk about since this happaned was to go get sum meds and i already been making calls so its just matter of time so there goes like around a month of clean time but i just cant stop thnking about how pisssed i am so sry to waste ur all time wth this but just had to do somethn cuz i was going crazy

[jt808]

the thng is i have changed and someo fem kno it sum of em dont cuz i dont see em all tht much cuz i dont go out wth em that much cuz they go out drinking ALOT so i kno i havent changed as much as i need  or want but it was only a month but i guess ur all rite i was having a pity party who knos mayb even deep down i wanted a excuse to get high i dont kno. i guess u expect certain thngs from people aand whn it dont happan it suxs but guess i just gotta worry bout myself and evertythng else will hopefully fall in place wth all the outside stuff. thnks alot.

[dominosarah]

I hope you can get real honest with yourself real soon..........sara

[10356]

while we are being honest jt.. why don't we look at the changes that have occurred with your addiction.. You know taking responsibility is really hard when it comes to ourselves.. thinking outside the box. You want your friends to understand addiction.. the physical changes. emotional changes the guilt and stuff we carry we wear it like a badge when we say something we set ourselves up to prove ourselves as better or look for pity.. I do not know about you but I'm so sick of pitying my past.. I know your story as I was here when you joined.. what have you changed ?? It is easy to blame everybody else.. we are addicts.. it will never happen till You want it to happen for You and You alone.. friends are replaceable. but sometimes all they want to see is some change.. I have heard many times.. nothing changes if nothing changes.. Get rid of the c-rap and get Honest with Yourself.. respectfully lesa

[corey411]

It's not too late. You can get rid of those pills right now. This is a decision that only you can make. You made a bad one last night. Pick yourself up and get right back on track. You have not decided to quit in 11 days, you have decided to use for 11 days. Just because you never just used for 1 time does not mean you have to use more than 1 day. This is a cop out. If these friends didn't use then you have probably seemed different to them as well. We have to work at getting our life and what is important to us back...getting trust and respect back. This is all up to you and the best answer is not that hard. I never thought I could flush those lil pills but I did twice. You can do it too. You just have to WANT to be clean. If that is what you want then get your power back.

[jt808]

well i had my mind pretty much made up and i let it get to me. and i guess it was more than just being left out the league it was just the way they did it and i kinda realized that these are suppose to be my best friends and i told all them abiout a year ago that i had a problem and since than not one of them has ever called/texted/emailed and asked how i was doing or anythng like that so i guess i just realized that my group of best friends arent in fact that good of friends and thts what was so hard. there like ten or twelve of em that i considered best friends non of those group of friends use either. so i was just dissapointed that theu made me feel like a no body it really had nothn to do wth the football league it was just the whole big picture if that makes sense to anyone. but it doesnt matter cuz i went back to em last nite and well we all kno how that goes i never just use one time and done so itl be a lil bit and its sad cuz i actually planned out when im gona quite again see i took like 11 days off starting this weekend so im gona use till than and quite so im totally pissed at myself but its too late now sry and thanks for all ur support but i had to be honest wth all of u.

[troubleinohio]

PS...you dnt want gizzy comin after you do you?? he is traveling the states right now as we speak, buster. You want him knockin on your door? lol