First Time Quitter - Need Advice

[Rivervale]

Hey everyone --

I've been taking oxycontin recreationally for about five months now, since early December, and I never thought I'd develop a problem or addiction - par for the course, I'm sure.

At first it was once every week or so - sometimes once every two weeks.  About two months ago I started taking it more often - until it got to be four or five days in a row.  I'd snort it, of course, after crushing it up.  Coincidentally, about that same time, I'd have periods of really bad depression - crying jags, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness - and it was usually around the time I was out of oxy.  I never really made the connection until last night - I'd used for about six days in a row, and I ran out yesterday.  No problem, I thought - I'm not addicted.

Well, some time after I snorted my last line, I started feeling really sad, the crying for no reason started, loss of emotions, etc.  It really made me take a step back and really really think about it.  So... I think I have a mild but powerful dependence on opiates now.

I know there are people who have taken 3 80mgs a day for years, and that my little experimentation over the past five months must seem pretty trivial and insignificant, but right now, those crying spells come out of nowhere, along with feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, insomnia, and anxiety, and I don't really know what to do.  I'm never taking any oxy again -- I know that, because even this taste of withdrawal is more than enough for me.

How long does this last?  When can I expect it to get better??

Thanks so much.

[Rivervale]

Just a quick update -- I'm beyond the 72 hour mark, and each day is a little better than the last.  The symptoms aren't as bad as they were before, although I do have a little late-night muscle twitching sometimes which can make it difficult to fall asleep.  My appetite is slowly, VERY slowly, coming back, which I'm really happy about.

I'm still having some wild mood swings though - usually I'm fine during the day, but at night I usually get hit by what I could only describe as a sadness attack - like a panic attack, but just feeling sad and crying for apparently no reason.

Each day is a little better.

Thanks so much, everyone.

[Rivervale]

That's sooooo good to hear - and I do realize how truly lucky I am to have caught it this early on.  It really was just dumb luck - I could just have easily gone down the other road without even realizing it.  It's insidious, the way it just sneaks up on you.

I'm accepting that I'm going to feel really sad and depressed the next few days, but it'll be in flashes, and before too long, this will all be over.

I'll definitely investigate aftercare as well - thanks so much for your advice and support!

[Rivervale]

Thanks so much for your reply!

Yes, that was exactly it - I never even thought for a second that the depression, lack of emotional control, and other physical issues I was feeling were symptoms of withdrawal.  It really took a serious coincidence this week to point it out to me.  Your story gave me a lot of encouragement!

Well, it's 1am, and I managed to finish the cheese and crackers - my stomach must think it's a trick, and that I'm still starving!  

I'm going to make that attempt at sleep, though I have a sinking feeling I'll still be up well past when the sun rises.

<3

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum...sorry to here about you first bout with addiction and withdrawals in a word it su##s but your sooooo lucky to ketch it early on...the next few days will be uncomfortable but nothing compared to where this road leads you
right now try and keep a positive attitude go into this to win...you have learned an important lesson you play with fire and you get burned....for the next few days you just got to be ok without being ok...you will come out of this fine..hang in there...the emotional thing is a normal part of detoxing your emotions will be like a roller coaster for the next few days just try and push past all of this ...it shouldent have to much of a grip on you in the short time you have been using ...but its defently going to let you know its there ...see how you do...you may need some sort of aftercare to get past this
theirs a great post titled "why aftercare " scroll down and read it it may help you understand....good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[jonjon79]

Hi Rivervale,

Your story reminds me so much of mine. Well I'm really sleepy right now (which hopefully you'll look forward to after a couple of days off pills lol) so I decided to just cut and paste my story from an email I made. Before I paste, I want to say I did snort oxy a couple years back and I remember taking baggies of grinded oxy with me on a plane to Europe once and actually did the lines in my seat with the passenger sleeping next to me (SIGH). Oxy was never my drug of choice but it was my favorite. It was always expensive and hard to get a hold of. What I really want to say is, I'm over a month OFF THE PILLS and it absolutely does get better. Different, but alot better than depending on pills and I mean different in a good way. Anyways here's my story...

A little background about me, in 2001 I was a big cocaine addict for a year. If anyone knows about coke, the next day is usually shot or wasted in which you're coming down with withdrawals the next day and anyone who does coke knows how much it $uck$. The same goes with too much alcohol at night and having the dreaded hangover the next day in the morning. Well in 2002 a year later I realized the coke wasn't fun anymore and it was ruining my life. Till this day I still hang around friends on a weekly basis who still sell, snort, and are surrounded by coke and till this day I have never touched it.

Now with the pills. For about 10 years I've been doing pills off and on, basically whenever I came across them which wasn't often. Only since about last November have I had a huge steady supply of pills and with personal issues going on (mostly my mother suffering from cancer and dying on xmas day) I've had a real urge for the pills and it was then when I realized I was an addict. I was totally ignorant of the withdrawal effects. Now all this time throughout the 10 years I didn't think pills were that big of a deal because for #1. they're prescribed by doctors right? and #2 they never gave me that hangover or comedown withdrawal the next day like coke or alcohol did. When I found this site I was in total shock when realized the withdrawal symptoms these pills can cause and it made total sense looking back in hindsight on the times I've felt depressed, diarhhea, rls, cold sweats and chills... I traveled alot in the past 10 years and I remember always taking pills during my trips to make the experience better. I had absolutely no clue that when I came back I was going through withdrawals from the pills. I literally thought it was from jetlag and or a flu and the depression from wanting to go back to the place I visited. I think I once said something about ignorance being bliss on one of my posts, but now that I'm educated on what these pills are capable of, I'm scared sh*tless and I totally have the same mentality I have about staying off coke. Of course the triggers are still there but I pull through.

If you have a little time, you'll see my posts on my first couple of days not being as bad as I thought and I'm almost certain it was due to vitamins and aminos found in the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol posts on this site...'pricey' yet well worth it. They helped tremendously.

[Rivervale]

Thanks for the response, Vicki - it feels a lot better to know that these symptoms (loss of emotional control being the worst) aren't going to persist for weeks and weeks.

There wasn't really any one single event that started it off - I'm 29, and for years I'd enjoy the occasional oxy, or mug of opium tea - going as far back as 2002.  I never developed a problem, and that's probably due to lack of supply, in hindsight.

A friend of mine is in chronic pain, and gets absurd amounts of pain medication.  One day, out of the blue, he just asked me if I wanted to do a line.  I thought about it for roughly three seconds, and said "Hell yeah, I want to do a line."  In his defense, he's never tried to sell me any, or hook me into becoming an addict.  At worst, he was a misguided friend.

I started doing it more recently because, well, it was there - and it made me feel really, really good - joyous, completely at peace with the universe.  And I'd never had a problem in the past eight years of dabbling, so why would I have one now?

And then I kept doing more and more, etc.

I have practically no appetite, and should have seen this sooner (I lost 20 pounds in about six weeks - not a good sign), but I'm trying to force myself to eat some cheese, crackers, and ginger ale.  The insomnia doesn't help either, but I think I'm going to tale a melatonin, wrap myself in a blanket, and hope for the best.  Tomorrow is day 2.

Thanks so much for the words of advice and support - it really, really helps.

[vicki595]

Hi~  Sorry to hear you're having this reaction...  But happy you're now walking away from the oxy.
This will pass in a few days. It takes about 72 hours for the drug to be totally out of your system.  Try to take it easy,drink lots of water and eat well.  Very important!
Tomorrow get some exercise. Get rid of any oxy you have around.
Because your use excelerated quickly,I think you need to look at why that happened.
If you can isolate a cause,it will further encourage you to stay away. Some folks see a therapist as a precaution against further use. Think about it. This is a tough drug to detox from with prolonged use...I'd hate to see that happen again to you.

Keep posting and tell us how you're doing...
Be well~
Vicki