introduction and can I find help and support here

[elginnorco]

Hi, this is my first post.  I am a middle aged professional woman.  I have great relationships with my family and friends, but I am too embarassed or ashamed to let anyone know about my drug use.  I am a relatively heavy drinker and I have been taking norco for about 2 years with a valid perscription.  However, I think the pain I experience now is more from the drug or withdrawl than from my arthritus.  I take about 2-3 10-325 hydro-codone per day mixed with 3-5 drinks, so I maintain a healthy buzz except when I am at work or have to drive.  I have missed work occassionally with hang-overs and gained weight, and my house is messy, otherwise, my life is fairly functional.  Everyday, I think about getting off the painkillers and everyday I can not wait to get home from work and pop a pill with a glass of wine, beer or cocktail.  I just like the high, but I think I would be sharper and healthier if I quit.  Does anyone have or had in the past a similar problem that could offer advise?  It seems that a lot of folks take way more than me, which kind of makes me feel like I don't have a problem, but I know I do because I pretty much use up all my sick leave and I am home today because of a hangover.  Before I started taking the pills, I would drink, but ususally not as much or often, and I was more productive at home and at work.  I want to get back in shape and have more energy and not be high all the time, but on the other hand, I don't want to quit because I love the short-term reward of feeling euphoric.  I would appriciate some personal advise or what ever you all can offer.  Thanks

[ImDONENoMore]

It's not that it sounds crazy, it's just statistically speaking, it is near impossible to do this on your own without real help and support.  But I wish you well no matter what you decide to do.  And check out the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol.  A lot of great suggestions there to help you with a home detox.

Oh - and you could cancel that refill?  It would be a great start!

[TiredinTempe]

Welcome..I just started on this forum yesterday. The peeps are so nice and helpful. Whatever you do Sweetie please don't mix the pills and booze. Soooo dangerous. I too have arthritis in both my hands, arms & wrists plus degeneration going on. I was taking 2 10/325 daily for pain management. The high is nice but, ..the last two months I have finished off my script early. Then ending up dexoting until I get a refill. Which really blows! Ask lots of questions and read read read all the posts you can. Good luck! Xoxo

[elginnorco]

I never said I did not like the responses.  I have been thankful for the perspective.  I am not trying to be dismissive.  I agree that I would not be here if I did not think I had a problem because the truth is I should not be drinking and taking the pills.  I may not be able to quit the pills and continue drinking, but that is what I want to do and I know it is not impossible because I know friends that have done so successfully. And it is true and I am conflicted because the pills make me feel good.  I have a successful career and marriage.  I am a cyclist, and I take care of my elderly mother abd babysit my grandkids.  I enjoy life emensely.  I do kind of wonder if this is the right forum for me because I am not to the point of self destruction or quitting that seems to be the perspective of a lot of posts.  I think the amount I take is relavent because it will make it easier to quit and I have managed to not up my dose in two years.  Having said all that; I still want to quit and I have not found it easy because I keep refilling my script even after I have told myself it is the last one, so I reached out to this forum to see if I could get some advise on how to quit the pills, not to be labeled a drug addict and alcoholic.  I have a dependency on persciption drugs, and a side effect of the drug is that is affects judgement, which has lead to what I did last night, which was to drink too much for a work night.  I have a high pressure job that requires a clear head, so even a mild hangover is enough to cause me to stay home.  I am thanful for the time you all spend to help others, but I am probably just going to do this on my own, as crazy as you think that sounds.

[kyle505]

The disc degeneration and nerve damage would have been a good thing to include in your initial post. Although abusing meds is never the way to go, at least this explains why you get the meds, and that you have legit pain issues to be concerned about. You really need to talk to your doc if it's so bad that you are just waiting to get home for some relief. And a final point about the drinking, then I'll shut up; the meds may have been the reason that you've graduated from your definition of a social drinker to a heavy drinker (your words), but now that you are at that level, even with no more pills, you may find it very hard to cut back. As with the meds, your body has come to depend on a certain amount of alcohol every day. You may be addicted, and if so, you'll find it hard to stop. Hopefully I'm wrong. Nuf said.

[ImDONENoMore]

Oh boy elgin.. if only we were all actually speaking to each other in a room you might hear all of this differently.  You started out saying this was a problem and yet already you're stepping back and defending your behavior.  And resisting the help so many here are trying to offer to you.

But we'll be here throughout your journey - that's what this forum does and it is a no judgement zone.  It really is.  It's only when we stop talking, and start LISTENING, do we begin to learn.  I know exactly where you are at because that was ME a little over 2 years ago.  So you can't expect to change your thinking overnight.  Just give yourself some time to sit with all of this now.  You didn't become an addict overnight - none of us did.  And none of us got out of our addiction overnight either.  It's a process, and a long road.  One well worth traveled, but long nonetheless.

And a humbling road to say the least.  :)

[elginnorco]

I still think the pills are the problem and I wonder if anyone else was a moderate drinker until they were perscribed pain killers and then increased their drinking.  I do not deny that I need to reduce my alcohol intake and quit the pills.  I can honestly say that I can be a moderate drinker when I am not taking pills.  I also want to do this privately and if that fails maybe I will tell others, but I would rather not blow it out of proportion and worry folks or compromise my reputation.  The reality is too that I have disc degeneration that has caused nerve damage, but physical therapy and pain medication have kept me from having surgery.  The unfortunate thing is the pills make me content to sit aroud and drink more often than I otherwise would.  I am not sure how I will manage the back pain without the pills, but right now I do not know if the pain is from pill with drawl or my back as so many complain of pain from withdrawl.  How do I distinguish from the two.  Part of the reason, I can't wait to come home and take the pills is because by the end of the day, my back and neck are hurting and I want the relief. For better or worse, the pills provide more than just pain relief; they make me content when I am typically ambiteous and full of desire and plans, which made the back problems frustrating.  The pills eased my frustration and pain, but I also feel like they make me lazy and foggy and inclined to over indulge in alcohol.