introduction and can I find help and support here

[elginnorco]

Hi, this is my first post.  I am a middle aged professional woman.  I have great relationships with my family and friends, but I am too embarassed or ashamed to let anyone know about my drug use.  I am a relatively heavy drinker and I have been taking norco for about 2 years with a valid perscription.  However, I think the pain I experience now is more from the drug or withdrawl than from my arthritus.  I take about 2-3 10-325 hydro-codone per day mixed with 3-5 drinks, so I maintain a healthy buzz except when I am at work or have to drive.  I have missed work occassionally with hang-overs and gained weight, and my house is messy, otherwise, my life is fairly functional.  Everyday, I think about getting off the painkillers and everyday I can not wait to get home from work and pop a pill with a glass of wine, beer or cocktail.  I just like the high, but I think I would be sharper and healthier if I quit.  Does anyone have or had in the past a similar problem that could offer advise?  It seems that a lot of folks take way more than me, which kind of makes me feel like I don't have a problem, but I know I do because I pretty much use up all my sick leave and I am home today because of a hangover.  Before I started taking the pills, I would drink, but ususally not as much or often, and I was more productive at home and at work.  I want to get back in shape and have more energy and not be high all the time, but on the other hand, I don't want to quit because I love the short-term reward of feeling euphoric.  I would appriciate some personal advise or what ever you all can offer.  Thanks

[kyle505]

OK...I wish you luck, but I truly feel that the addiction is in control, and you are just BSing yourself. So now you are going to wait until your script is gone? Why? More lost time at work, more damage to your body, more exposure to the stupid things we do when we're using? Really? By the time most of us arrive on this forum we've had things happen in our lives, or we've finally faced facts about our problems. You've been confronted with some hard observations about yourself, and now you're backpedaling. And I don't have to know you because I know addiction. You let a lot of things slip about and don't like some of the responses. You have a long road ahead if you can't learn from others who've been there, done that.

[vicki595]

Oh boy, Elgin.   I couldn't believe my eyes when I read your last missive...

Good luck to you. I think you're beyond any of MY words...I'm just hoping that you don't smoke , as well. I always worry about that old "passing out with a lit cigarette" scenario...

I just read a comment of yours on another post. You said you were KIND OF thinking about quitting the pills...and that you don't want to tell your doctor. You may not be ready to stop and I know the alcohol has a lot to do with that, even if you don't.   We'll be here when you're ready and by the way, the number of pills someone takes per day is not the measurement of a problem.

[nursegirl6572]

Only YOU know if drinking is a problem for you.  You may think that you have a bunch of addicts preaching to you...I'm actually NOT an addict.  

You may be right that the pills have altered the way in which you drink, but BECAUSE of that, you've changed the rules with your drinking.  Now that you DO have an addiction problem, it's not going to be easy to return to the way things were before.  You're always going to relate the two together in your mind.  When you drink, you'll think of pills.  It's just not healthy for someone trying to recover.

That would be like me, having my morning cigarette, without a cup of coffee in my hand, or vice versa.  The two are one for me.  In the dead of winter, if I have forgotten my coffee inside while smoking, Ill go to a lot of trouble to take off my boots and coat, and put everything back ON, just to go in and retrieve that coffee.  It's the same mindset.

It may take you a while to admit we have a point, and that's okay.  Like dane said, please understand no one is judging you...like I said...just being very honest with you.  Some things are hard to hear.

[elginnorco]

Otoh, Thanks , are you still taking pills or were you able to quit them too?  

[Dane74]

WOW,  Nursegirl, just summed it all up.  You remind me of me when i first came to this site like 2 years ago,  i was reaching out but yet i was rationalizing and minimizing my pill use.   Please see that we are all here to help you and not judge you, we just want you to see what we are seeing, and that is that you do have a problem with the pills and alcohol. Please reread what we all wrote and don't take it as a negative take it as we all care and have personal experience with all of this.  You need to find out why you want to get high, we all get high for some reason or another and once we get to the root of "why" we can then focus on recovery.  

[elginnorco]

I think you are right and I am going to taper off and quit when my script is gone, and then I know drinking will not be a problem because it has not been in the past 30 years of drinking, so I disagree that I am a budding alcoholic, and I can honestly say that I have no desire to quit drinking because it has never been a problem, and I have about 200 bottles of good wine that I plan on enjoying with my husband, friends and family.  Kyle505, congrats on your 27 years, but I do not think you know or understand me as well as you do youself.   I think the pills do alter my judgement, and I drink more and more often than I ever did before they were perscribed.  I have to say the feeling of the pills with the alcohol is way more intense than either alone.  Thanks again for all the posts.  It is good to get some input and different perspectives.  And I do not want to let this get out of control any more than it is.