god please help me

[christinarp1992]

I have been an addict for well over 5 years and I cant seem to shake this. The longest I have been clean is 2 1/2 months and I try so hard to shake this but I cant. Every month I try to stay clean and its like 3 weeks later I am hurting all over again. I dont know what to do. Is there anyone out there that has been clean more than a year? I cry unto the lord for guidance and and try so hard to be a better person but is always at that one month mark I go back and start the whole thing all over again. I need guidance so and I need to know there is hope. It's s weird even material items makeeme think of my past and how im never going to get through this. Please help me I need to know I am going to get through this

[christinarp1992]

Loved it! God is good!!

[VICourageous]

Very Good!!

[christinarp1992]

Going to my first meeting tonight and im excited to see what happens!!

[VICourageous]

Congrats on Day 5.

Very Happy to hear this.

Make sure you stick around here too and help others that struggle. Just share your own experiences.
I have noticed that people group up with each other in that Time frame of detox too! So stick around!!

Bless

[christinarp1992]

Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words and reminding me of our loving gods word. I am going to church tomorrow and finding out what I need to do to get myself in Christian drug counseling through the church and much more. I will continue to update as much as I can and I ask eveyone to please continue to pray for me because I want this evil cycle to be done and over with and I dont want to relapse anymore. I will continue to pray for you all and thank god for putting you here to touch my life in more ways than one. Day 5 baby!!!

[KansasSunflower]

I am new to this site too.  I just want to let you know you are at the right place.  These people are very knowledgeable and compassionate.  I know a Bible verse that may help:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13
I have tried over and over to quit smoking.  I know the LORD will help, I think I just wasn't giving it my best effort.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Also, always remember conviction comes from God.  Condemnation comes from Satan.

[christinarp1992]

I am going to go to meetings at my church(victory)  but im also going to look up some Christian addiction meetings

[VICourageous]

I Ditto all the Above.
When I read what you have written I can feel such Sadness.
There is SO much to this Disease and it WILL take TIME for all those Brain/Body Chemistries to bounce back.

I have reached out to my Church so much. The Preacher and others know about my struggles and they know them all.
If you can get to any type of Aftercare like AA/NA or Christian Recovery Groups this will help so much.

Just to be able to Vent out how we feel is a start. I had to reach out and reach far & further out more & more, as life will not always be what we want it to be. It takes so much WORK to keep on the right path. SO much Support. Maybe look up what they have to offer in your town. I know we have many Churches that help us Addicts out by there Works too!

Meanwhile..Just Do Not give in to Temptation. Learn how to put up your Boundaries. Be Strong and You will get Stronger. The Strength & Courage is not Handed to us, but it is right in front of us to Grab if we want. It is hard and forever lasting Work that is so worth it in the end!
I will send a Pray out to YOU! Do Not go on any Guilt trip either. This a Disease and a Progressive one. It does come down to making that Choice once you get clean.
Put on the Armour of God.
Shield of Faith..(big one)
Helmet of Salvation.
Sword of the Spirit.

YOU CAN DO IT!! I KNOW YOU CAN!
Bless

[Cricketk92]

Hi Christinarp!  You have gotten so much great advice!!!!
  I came into this as a  believer too and I can relate to most all of what you have said.... But just know that God hasn't given up on you!!!  He loves you and wants to help you but what I found was, like Krissy said, that "I" had to be willing to do the legwork and the hard stuff and the uncomfortable stuff!!!  I kept praying through all of it even when I felt that God didn't hear me....  
In your last post you said that you keep praying for God to take away your desire to use again.  This is possible and all of us who have gotten through  can attest to that!!!  In my first few weeks I never imagined that would happen but as time went on and I did the right thing the right thing happened and today I have no desire for the pills anymore.  Yes, occasionally I will get a craving and that is where aftercare comes in!  It truly is One Day at a Time!!!!
For a lot of us aftercare is AA/NA and for others it is other kinds of 12 step (SMART recovery, celebrate recovery) a counselor, church, this site.... the list goes on and on....  For me I found that AA is what works even though my drug of choice is opiates.... and by getting involved in AA I also found that my relationship with God is stronger than it ever was in the past!  I look back now and see that God was there all along even when I really thought He wasn't!!!  You will meet people that will help get you through the aloneness (not a real word) and sadness in the beginning and some of them will become awesome friends and mentors!!! And you may find that it was God who put them there for you!!! YOU just have to reach out and walk through the initial feelings of insecurity and uncomforableness!!!! (Again, not a real word :)   )
So hold tight to your faith and keep praying but do ALL that you need to do to not pick up again!!!!  Get rid of your contacts including the Drs!!!  And get involved in aftercare!!!
We are all here routing you on!!!!
Karen

[NeverAgain127]

Honey,

First of all, you are loved.  The guilt and shame?  Screw 'em.  That's your addiction talking to you; it thrives on negative emotions like guilt and shame.  

It does NOT matter how many times you have tried to quit.  Read that again...it's important.  Success is getting up just ONE more time than you fall down.  You're here, you're clean today, and that is what matters.  

I think you would benefit sooooo much from a 12-step group.  Have you gone to N/A or A/A?   If so, what happened?  There are a zillion groups out there...sometimes you have to go a couple times to find the the right one to get you started, but if you can, try to go to an N/A meeting tonight after work.    99% of the people in the room have been through exactly what you have experienced...it is a wonderful, welcoming place of hope and acceptance.    Plus it is free, and most have cookies!

Also, stay here with us...post every day, every hour, we really care, and we'll support you through this.  You CAN do this...but you will have to do something differently than you have done before.  Wishing away your addiction doesn't work for most folks...that is why I think a meeting a day for 90 days with N/A would be a good choice for you, hon.  

Let me know how you feel about this...there's an old saying "nothing changes if nothing changes."  It's simple, but profound.

BIG Hugs,
-Robin

[christinarp1992]

I know its my choice =/ I feel so guilty and ashamed for all that I have done but I do pray that god takes that desire away once and for all and if I am to get asked randomly if I wabt pills I say no and I mean it.  I can take off work at all. My boss wont allow it and I have to just push through. I see the beauty of life each day but then I get down and thats when I fall for the drugs again.

[Krissy_123]

Of course God is with you! But again,God can't make you clean. We are humans with free will,WE have to make that choice. He's going to always be there routing for you to make the right decisions. If you relapse it's not because God let you,it's because you succumbed to the drugs by you're own free will. "You" have to cut all your contacts of how you get your drugs. If you can't get them you can't take them! Then you need to get yourself to a NA meeting and start working on you. Good luck to you and keep posting!

[motye51]

I wanted to also hit on what you said about using for daily production....then it gets to where your using just to not be sick......I CAN TOTALLY RELATE AS CAN MANY OF PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM!!!!! You are totally alone....i am a mother, i work, i was on PTA board, i have 4 children and a husband (really 5 kids, lol).....and i used to be SUPER PERSON!!!! You will find alot of our stories are the same....do u work? If so, can you get a few days off and we can list the things you can use to detox?????
I remember that hell that your in right now.....plain as day....i was in pain but i was also scared! But.....it can be done.....successfully......

[christinarp1992]

I am on day 3 without any drugs and I am on like the 10th time trying to quit. I want it bad and I know I can do this I just got to stay positive. I know that it says in the bible that we have seasons in our lifetime and I can definitely tell that things are a thousand times better than when I first tried to quit but I gotta admit that I feel lost and as if gods plan doesn't involve me staying clean. Then I come to and cast away all evil because that is the devil trying to convince me otherwise. I prayed that god would let me know he is with me and that I can overcome anything and in the middle of a terrible storm a white dove flew across my windshield. Then it happened again three days later. I pray that this is the time I stay clean once and for all.

[dominosarah]

Welcome to the forum~

I am sara, an addict in recovery for 71/2 yrs.  Are you still using right now?  We are here to help you as we all know exactly what you are going thru and we are here to show you there IS a life out here.  You deserve to be clean and happy and you will be.

[msdelight]

Oh yes honey the depression certainly does go away when you feel you are not alone. I remember suddenly waking up to my life, maybe around the 3 month, big 90 days and realized that my life wasn't as bad as I convinced myself it was when I was using. It was just another reason to use.
So hi, I'm MsD and I'm clean off percocets and opiates 2 years soon. It's a pleasure to meet you and I KNOW you can do this.  Take it one baby step at a time. First, COMMIT. Your desire to get out of this hell must be stronger than your desire to use. List all the reasons opiates are wrecking your life. And like Nike says, just do it. You need as much SUPPORT as possible from people who've been there. You gotta lose your CONNECTIONS, delete numbers, scripts. Make it impossible to get any and that to me is half the battle. Then there's the detox 5-7 days, we can help you with that. Once you are not sick you should seek one of the many forms of aftercare out there. I just know we will help you with that too. The thing is, go slow. You've been at this for five long years. You'll need some time to heal your brain and body. Think positive thoughts and good things will happen.

[christinarp1992]

I was taking any opiate I could get. If it was tabs or perks I would do about 9 a day and if it was oxy or opanas I would do 2...I think the oxys and opanas were 30mg and the tabs/perks are 10mg. I started taking them just so I would be more productive throughout the day and then it was because I had to have them because I couldnt function without them. Does the depression part go away eventually because I know that your natural chemicals have to come back in order to be happier

[VICourageous]

Hello!

I sent you a Message.
I sure hope you can find your way back..AND that YOU are OK!
This is a Great place for Support and for Supporting Others. Nice Friends too!

Bless
Vickie

[Krissy_123]

God totally gets us in the right direction,but he can't do the hard work. That's up to you. And it's totally possible!! We have ALL been in your shoes,feeling helpless and hopeless. There is a light at the end of the tunnel....I promise!!

[mooneyb1]

Salizander, I don't take my belief in God lightly and that WAS offensive. I'm on day 17 from oxy/hydro and God brought me to this place. To the poster, I'm sending you blessings and prayers, please keep posting. -Bonnie-

[jethro733]

We could use some more information about the situation such as daily dose, why you're taking them, the reason you can keep getting back on them after a month or so and things like that...   I hope you're doing o.k right now..

Material items will hold memories of the past and can easily draw our thoughts, don't worry it's normal, that's just what they do.  It can help to get rid of things that contain negative energy for your mind if you think that will be helpful for recovery.  You definitely can get through this, most of us have been in that situation so we know the feeling.  It can be done!

[jifmoc]

And Christi- I have 1 year and 3 months clean and I agree 1000% w/ Motye. Aftercare is the way to go. We can't just drop the drugs and automatically expect to feel differently. We have to treat our addict brains. I did 90 meetings in 90 days, too. You have to change your day to day living in order to change.

Hope you keep posting.

[motye51]

I wanted to chime in here....i have over 19 months clean from opiates (7 years) and suboxone (almost 7 years). I did it when i made the decision to try something different. What i was doing was no longer working.....it sucked for awhile, yes, but today, i am getting better! I started on this site the very 1st day i started detoxing....best decision ive ever made. We are on here every day to help you with the upd and downs of w/d. Then, its HIGHLY recommended to find an aftercare program. I use N/A. I jumped in head first.....did the 90 mtgs in 90 days....it helped with the "brain" thing that it sounds like your going through. You WILL get through this but you have to dig deep within yourself and want it! If your ready......we are totally willing to help!!!!!
Come back and post......OFTEN!!!!

[msdelight]

Welcome Christi. God has helped you and has sent you here to us. He will help you but you will have to do the work. Many people here will guide and inspire you. Some will be starting with you. Some have a year, 2,3, 4, 5 and many more years. It can be done. You kinda sound like a pain patient, or at least someone with a script, based on what you said about the every month struggle. Please tell us more. What are you hooked on?