norco withdrawal again.. yeah I know

[xxxc123]

Hi everyone.   Im a 33 year old female with three kids.  I went cold turkey three weeks ago even got to day six and stupid me I  got my  90 norco refill.  That was filled on the  23 I took my last one yesterday around 6:00.  I have not done the math yet but im sure its well over a couple a day.  What the hell was I thinking?    So now im starting over 21 hours in.  Does anyone know if my withdrawal will be as bad?  Im willing to do this and I know how stupid I am so please don't tell me about myself.  
  I even said before I got them " ive got another buzz in me but I don't have another withdrawal.  "   so what the hell is wrong with me.  Im done.  I can get more but I don't want this anymore.  Y he six days I had clean my life was so clear and I realized how much I missed out on ny kids life.  I think the guilt overwhelmed me.  Of course I have no health insurance so counselling isn't an option.   I just want to make it. Does anyone know if this will be the same hell I faced not even a month ago or will it be easier because I didn't use for about a week?  Not going to quit if it  is hard just a question.  I know I was addicted  for a long time so I do deserve this. Thanks for the help

[nervousnelly76]

Hi I'm new to this site I'm trying to find ways to get off of suboxen I'm very nervous about what's going to happen when I stop taking them. I plan on doing this tomorrow:/  my friend too is going to be doing this with me. He takes a lot more than I do he takes 2-2.5 8mg a day. I take a very small price of an 8mg

[Pat1956100]

I wish I could give you a hug in person.
You have so much that needs to come out.  I hope you are comfortable some day to talk about it all with people you trust.

Hugs

[xxxc123]

Thank you.  Im always told it is unhealthy to not have contact with my family.  My kids dad has big family values and will try to force me to go visit.  He will take me to visit my mom yes at the crack house.  We never go in she sits in the front yard but he just agreed not to pressure me on that one. She's even called him names for no reason so I don't know why the hell he thought that was a thing I needed. For some reason everyone has thought I needed family but me. I guarantee you someone will tell ne how unhealthy I am in a couple of days of no family.  I remember when I was nineteen I ran away to Arkansas.  I was gone over a year.  No contact with anyone.   I was so so happy and sober. But everyone started looking for me because we found out my dad had cancer and I had to take care of him. Really my sisters all admit I was the only care taker for him. My dad was a good person he was just abused by my mom like everyone else (  that's the situation that helps ne sleep  at night anyway)   but I came back to care for him. Of course he died one night.   He only had three percent of his liver left but I prayed by his bed every night that God would please let me keep him. When he gave his life to Christ  he  was so wonderful.  I really thought god would give me him. I was even at the end putting him in his wheel chair and taking him to church.  When we knew dad was dead in the bed at our house I just layed beside him. I knew what was going on but nothing really sunk in until the next day. My little brother was seventeen or less  but I remember mom saying hurry up before hospice gets here!  My little brother was downing the liquid morphine and taking the hydrocodone.  
  Yeah and my mom still says I overdosed him and killed him. Used to bother me but not now.  The night he died she asked if I gave him morphine I said yes.  She said I already gave it to him!  I don't think I will ever know if I did or not.  Truth is I worked all night and cared for him all day. She would even make me get off work and she would leave the hospital and not come back.  
  I don't feel ashamed about that anymore.  I think all these thoughts are coming up because im sober. Otherwise I never think about these things and sure I will regret sharing them later on. Oh well it keeps me letting the bad out so maybe some kind of good will come in. And yes i will shut up during the NA meetings.  Lol I don't talk very much in public anyways lol I am always to focused on how people must think of me but this too shall pass. I guess I want permission to ex everyone out and people leave me alone about it. We will see. Ok thanks for all the help and helping me through.  I  don't think I will post again anytime soon because I think my emotions have been way out of wack and I will feel bad later. Will be in first meeting tomorrow .  Thank you everyone.
  

[vicki595]

Hi- I'm touched by your story and it seems to me you just never caught a break...But now you can give yourself the life you want, the home life you want; you have freedom!

Your family is toxic to you so you need to stay away. It's hard but you need to or you'll continue to get sucked in to their sickness. So, go to that meeting, seek out people who are like minded. You're bright and have much to offer; especially to your son.

You can do this because you know how to be healthy and you are strong. Stay in touch!  

[xxxc123]

Edwin McCain ... his song  "solitude. "   guess this didn't post earlier but my sister sent me that via text.  That's the song we used to write back and fourth when we were growing up in different homes.  It tells our life to a t ..I think she's trying to put me on a guilt trip.   I refuse to deal with these people who want me to stay sick. I have to do something different.   Tired of this sick game and even how I got my pills. Im tired of feeling like crap. Im done. She will have my prayers.  I know she has issues but I can't do this with her  now. I wish she would have been able to get the therapy I did.

[xxxc123]

I want it and I will go to a meeting.