My Story

[133113]

Well it has been 3.5 years since I have been on the forums and wanted to tell my story of addiction.  In late 2007, I quit using Hydro (prescribed for 5 different surgeries), 150mg per day using a 4 week suboxone taper.  Let me tell you, that was not fun, 10 days of WD, but then I went close to 180 days before I relapsed.  1st relapse was 2 days and 40mg of hydro during a weekend in Vegas.  2nd relapse was a few months later for 3 days at the Lake.  Then throughout 2009, I used sporatically every couple weeks for a few days at a time, then a week or two off.  I figured, I had this licked and under control, use a few days, take a week off, no WD, bingo.  Boy was I wrong!!!

Then April 2010 came and I injured my back again and was back on the train, every month would come and go and I would say I would stop, finally in November 2010, I quit 160mg a day C/T, it was rough for 4 days, but by the 10th day, I felt like a new man, never gonna go back.  Thought I had learned, sure didn't.

Relapsed for one week in Janaury 2011 and quit again, felt good, thought for sure I was done.  Of course not, February 8 2011 came and i found myself again saying 20mg would be ok for one night, heck the back is sore and it won't hurt.  Well that lasted until June 24, 2011.  I went C/T off 160mg a day and am presently completing 4 days going onto 5.  The physical part was easy this time, as I was prepared and knew what was coming, but the depression, regret and shame has been the hardest, oh and the lack of sleep.

I finally asked myself what I was going to do different this time, the million dollar question asked by all the board members with a lot of sober time under their belts....AFTERCARE. Went to a meeting for first time yesterday, but do not think it is for me...so I decided to make an appointment with a therapist next week.  

I just wanted to say thanks to all those people out there on this board as I have lurked the last two years again, who gave me hope and strength to confront this.  I finally understand, one is too many and a thousand is not enough and one day at time.  That one decision and one pill can turn into weeks, months or years.

[133113]

I think my story relates to alot of addicts who started with legitimate pain.  I have learned that addiction as much as it is a disease, it is also I choice.  Everyday we make choices in life, some easy, some difficult, this just happens to be a very difficult one for addicts.  I wish I could lie and say this will never happen again, but I know that is a race I may not win.  What I can do is make a choice, right here right now, today not to use.

As you read post after post, you see how much better life is without them.

[kimrenee]

Yes your story relates to me.  Back pain gets on your last nerve.  This is the second time for me off lortab, for neck and back pain.  I really think I got it this time about the pain meds. It has been brutal for me each time coming off them, so I hear you loud and clear. I hope all the young people read your story.  Thank you for your story. Its real.

Kim

[Sam20111966]

Thank you for your story this is very good for me to read.  It paints a picture that we all need to hear, the brutal facts.  Again thanks so much....

Sam

[Back2Me]

You sound a LOT like me. And lots of us im sure. But especially me.