tramadol - i'm dying :(

[summer_2010]

I have been addicted to Tramal for the past 2,5 years and I have decided to once and for all stop these horror pills. I took up to 400mg in one dose and later in the day I would take another 200-300mg..
Yesterday I took 350 and now I decided to stop these pills from hell. Instead I took some gabapentin and valerian root but I am not doing good at all.. The worst is a massive anxiety and tension I feel inside myself and I feel tempted to blow it out with valium but I don't want to swap addictions.. The tension is so bad that I feel like loosing my mind.. I can't afford going to a doctor so I guess I have to go through this on my own. As long as there's no pill supply around in my house.. I work in the medical field and have very easy access to trams without anybody even suspecting that i'm dealing with an addiction.
Please god help me!!!

[theirmommie72]

you are awesome girl.  i know all too well about the crying.  been doing it off and on for a couple days now. not sure if it's pms or the w/d/depression.  i am very independent, always have been but for some reason the past couple days, i have been lonely.  my friend came over today with her kid and our kids played but right after she left, the loneliness set in almost immediately.  not sure what is up with that. i am sad.  i did manage to get a job also and start training on monday. i will be booking reservations for a hotel from home. but can't seem to even get excited about that right now.  not like me.  so many little joys in my life and i can't muster up one ounce of gratitude.  sad.  i am too not your typical "junkie" person either.  noone would know by looking at me.  same as you. but what does one really look like??  not sure.  maybe, ME!!  

i have begun taking SAM-E which is for well being and mood.  hope it works soon.  i think it's pms mostly.  i have pmdd, not pms. my electric is going to be shut off after the weekend if i can't find someone to pay it.  i am a mess.  too much stress and thinking that maybe now wasn't the right time to quit.  i don't know.

so glad for you that you are still keepin along. that is soooo great. you are a trooper.  hope you have a great nite.  i shall too cry again i am sure.  feels good.  

t~

[ImDONENoMore]

And there is no reason in the world you need to think about that now summer - no reason at all.  She's here NOW and that's all that matters right?  So relish these times - you will always have these times to look back on.  And they actually help me now - thinking about all the fun my Mom and I used to have.  I know I was her best friend too - and that makes me smile today.

So enjoy your present - no need to think about stuff like that today.  And thank you for your kind words.  They mean a lot to me.  :)

[summer_2010]

i was crying when reading your words about your mother.. she surely was a special person and close to your heart..
i'm horrified of the day i loose my mom. shes also my best friend

[summer_2010]

oh that is a very tough situation on you.. i can imagine this creates a lot of anxieties. you are a trooper surviiving through an addiction and withdrawals while facing these problems. God be with you!

i've had a day curled up in bed crying filled with depression and cried so much.. but it felt good.. worked for 12 hours yesterday with my usual crying breaks in the restroom.. now i'm proud of myself that i survived through it.. it's day 6 now. took some gabapentin when i was close to loosing my mind.. had an onset of restless legs today for the first time in my life.. and a few panic attacks. managed not to touch valium but settled it with valerian root..
i'm shocked when reading the past lines i just typed.. i sound like a desperate junkie. maybe this is what i have become.. an anonymous junkie.. nobody would ever suspect that of me.. people think i'm a stable and self confident person.. who has become a little introverted..

[theirmommie72]

you are doing great summer. keep it up.  i have some major issues right now myself. mostly financial but very bad ones.  been unemployed for 2 yrs has finally taken it's toll on me.  floating bills and such is finally caught up with me.  about having the tram around.  when i quit vics awhile back, i had some left.  up in the cabinet and never took them after i made the decision to do so.  actually, gave them to a friend of mine eventually who needed them.  same with cigs. i quit for a yr and a half and had the same half pack on top of the microwave forever.  never turned to them.  if you have the will power then they are just there ya know?  if you don't want them and are serious, you won't take them.  depends on the person i think.  

i have been feeling really good the past couple days.  not sure if it's a trick though.  i would like to think it's that easy.  we shall see.  

hope you are doing good today.  talk to you soon.

t~

[LeaAnn807]

Ohhhhhhhhh, you're doing great to stay clean with all that has happened PLUS being around the tramadol.  I would have never made it through that one when I was WDing.  I'm proud of you, if that helps any.  It will get better soon and definitely won't get worse than right now.  You're right in the middle of the worst part.  Just hang in there!!! :)