what exactly is the "other side"

[NikkiB78]

there is no sarcasm in my question.  it's just that i have been on pills so long that i need a reminder what the "other side" is.  those of u who have been clean and seen the light....what it is? :(  i honestly forget.  i have 2 beautiful children and i want to spend my time and energy on them...not chasing pills.  i guess i'm just looking for support as today is day 1 for me.  i woke this morning feeling very tired and angry.  i did take half a klonopin cuz i cannot take care of 2 kids with the anxiety that w/d brings.  i hate how tired benzos make me as i need energy to keep up with them...so they are purely to get me thru this and i know that.  i will be going to therapy in the next few weeks...but for now i need someone to tell me what makes this all worth it :(

[irishann]

Oh and hey...I love this forum...so ill always be here, please don't think u r doing this alone, or with only one other person...as you know, so many people here, but maybe when one of us needs strength one day, we will be here for each other! Ill be here for you!
irish

[irishann]

Hey tired! I just posted to nikki, but I wanted to let u know that if you just go one minute, to one hour to one day at. a time...there is a light! I'm only 8 days clean and feel so much better! But im always here, ill be happy to support you however I can, cause I will probably need you too! There are so many great people on here and feel so lucky I found this website!
if ya need me, im here...
Irish

[tiredofnorco]

Thank you.  I didn't take a lot at one time but took them throughout the day every day.  I'm sick of worrying about running out early and counting the days until the next refill so I know it's time to deal with this.  I've been angry and sad for a while now too.  The pills made me gain weight and I just feel bad, which is the complete opposite of how I used to be.  I always thought they gave me energy to take the pain away and get things done but now I see I've just been going through the motions and haven't fully enjoyed or been interested in anything in a long time.  I feel awful today and defnitely don't have energy but I'm hoping it gets better!  I really don't want to give in to this again to just make it through the day.  It's not fair to my family or me.

[irishann]

You just wrote my life exactly for the past 5 years! I was on lortab for 11 years, but yeah..planning life on refills..I would lie to get some early, if I was going to run out...I have gained probably 75 lbs...I don't get my picture taken cause I feel so gross..my boyfriend and I stopped being intimate about 2 years ago because we were both so dispondant cause of the pills, and he stopped finding me attractive because of the weight gain! He isn't an a@@hole, so please whoever reads this, don't think negatively about him, because I stopped caring about myself and everything. ...days will be hard, but they do get better..like I said...day 8 and im feeling so much better! As soon as I can get a grip on the wds...I am working on my weight and health....one mountain at a time!

[gnarly_1]

SO  you want to know what the other side is like.....well first off its a beautiful place all the anxiety that goes along with being chained to a pill bottle is gone ....no more counting pills no more lying to doctors friends and spouses no more panicking when your out and the freedom to plan your day/life without woooring about pills morso then all of this is you get yourself back you will be able to feel again not the numb 1/2 feelings you get after years on the pills but real feelings love becomes much deeper....you will find joy in life again you will want to interact with people again instead of isolating yourself things that have lost meaning to you will start to have meaning again....if you believe in God the bearer this puts between you and him will be gone ...its like someone has turned on your life again....now it takes time you dident become an addict overnight but however long it takes it will be so so worth it....hope this helps you understand what your missing and gives you the drive to do something about it I wish you all the luck in the world in your recovery if I can help just message me.........Gnarly

[NikkiB78]

Thanks gnarly.  I guess the sad part it I hated my life even before pills.  I am quite the opposite,   I isolate myself unless I'm on pills....they make me (or once did). Live everyone and everything.  I starred abusing for that "energy" and want to talk and be around people.  Like part of me feels like I AMA better person on pills cuz of what I can accomplish.  I am laying in bed as my 1 yr old naps and my 4 yr old entertains herself.  Where If I had a pill I would have the energy to play outside right now.  It all just makes me so very very sad.