what exactly is the "other side"

[NikkiB78]

there is no sarcasm in my question.  it's just that i have been on pills so long that i need a reminder what the "other side" is.  those of u who have been clean and seen the light....what it is? :(  i honestly forget.  i have 2 beautiful children and i want to spend my time and energy on them...not chasing pills.  i guess i'm just looking for support as today is day 1 for me.  i woke this morning feeling very tired and angry.  i did take half a klonopin cuz i cannot take care of 2 kids with the anxiety that w/d brings.  i hate how tired benzos make me as i need energy to keep up with them...so they are purely to get me thru this and i know that.  i will be going to therapy in the next few weeks...but for now i need someone to tell me what makes this all worth it :(

[tiredofnorco]

Thank you.  I didn't take a lot at one time but took them throughout the day every day.  I'm sick of worrying about running out early and counting the days until the next refill so I know it's time to deal with this.  I've been angry and sad for a while now too.  The pills made me gain weight and I just feel bad, which is the complete opposite of how I used to be.  I always thought they gave me energy to take the pain away and get things done but now I see I've just been going through the motions and haven't fully enjoyed or been interested in anything in a long time.  I feel awful today and defnitely don't have energy but I'm hoping it gets better!  I really don't want to give in to this again to just make it through the day.  It's not fair to my family or me.

[irishann]

Hey tired! I just posted to nikki, but I wanted to let u know that if you just go one minute, to one hour to one day at. a time...there is a light! I'm only 8 days clean and feel so much better! But im always here, ill be happy to support you however I can, cause I will probably need you too! There are so many great people on here and feel so lucky I found this website!
if ya need me, im here...
Irish

[irishann]

Oh and hey...I love this forum...so ill always be here, please don't think u r doing this alone, or with only one other person...as you know, so many people here, but maybe when one of us needs strength one day, we will be here for each other! Ill be here for you!
irish

[irishann]

Hey Nikki...so...I've only been clean like 8 days off lortabs, granted, I was only doing like 3 a day..not many, but for 11 years...and I was like you...chasin the pills...and I noticed the past few years, I have been so sad and angry! Hated everyone and everything...well...yesterday I woke up, feeling actually...happy! No aches and pains, no tears...and I went to work and I was actually in a good mood! That hasn't happened for the 4 years I worked there! The customers didn't bug me, my co workers weren't bugging me...it was like I felt like my old self! That's the light! I am so happy, im not even thinking about those pills! I hope that helps...there is hope, and a light!
Irish

[hearohisrael]

Hi!  I'm Day 8 today!  And feeling better than I have a right to.  Yes, yesterday evening I was moaning to myself about lack of energy, but then I remembered what the WD had felt like a few days ago, and lack of energy is NOTHING lol.

I passed a milestone yesterday.  When I haven't had pills of my own, I could always raid my mom's cabinet.  She always has gobs.  I spent hours there yesterday, and didn't even LOOK.  I felt the call of habit, just automatic, the thinking, "Will she be in the other room long enough for me to open drawers?", but the craving emotionally and physically wasn't so bad.

I can't tell you for sure what the other side is yet.  So far, what I can tell you is that there is clarity of conscience, the lack of guilt, the feeling that you aren't hiding what a liar you are.  

Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, these will not be fun.  But the people here will be your best friends.  Keep posting, stay on the forum, everyone will encourage you.  And it's sooooo worth it.

[NikkiB78]

yeah, i hope so.  i've posted a couple questions and have only had a few responses...so maybe i'll just benefit from reading?