Help!!

[hooklineandsinker]

I have been taking 40 mgs hydrocodone a day for about a year. I decided to quit cold turkey.

I lasted almost three days.

Today I relapsed and took 30 mgs (not all at once).

It was pretty bad the first two and a half days. A lot of aches and feeling yucky and tired and unable to eat anything.Not feeling like myself, very spacey. The worst was at night when I tried to sleep and couldn't lay still for 30 seconds. I ended up getting up and pacing and then taking hot baths and laying back down and sleeping for about an hour only to wake up to more of the same.

During the day, I am able to function if you call laying on the sofa watching TV functioning. Luckily I am off work until Monday.

My question is did I put myself back to day one? Or will it just pick up where it left off. Day 3 was the worst so far.

I flushed everything I have so I won't make that mistake again.

[hooklineandsinker]

Update. Day whatever it is since I don't know. I went 3, relapsed and now it's been 3 more.

RLS seems to be gone but insomnia is very bad. Still nauseous but can eat a little. Cleaned house a little yesterday.

Feel very tired but then again I wake up about 16 times a night. When I sleep I have horrible nightmares.

Anxiety is kicking in now bad. I don't feel depressed yet. I just feel numb.

Hanging in there.

[hooklineandsinker]

I slept last night!

I went to bed at 9. Took 2 diazepam even though they never worked before. Woke up a few times drenched in sweat but fell back asleep. Last time I looked at the clock and it said 4:45 so I just got up since I have that appt at 7:45.

My stomach is still bad and I feel very shaky but if I had the RLS then I slept through it. I don't think that's possible so I don't think I got it.

I just wish I didn't feel like throwing up but any improvement or maybe just a temporary respite is just wonderful!

I had so much I wanted to do on my week off.

The number one was to stop the Vicodin but I thought, how bad can that be? I googled it and it sounded like a cold or something.

Now I know.

[hooklineandsinker]

Well, I just realized I was fooling myself. I was actually taking 60 mgs for the last few months. I started with 20 a day and somehow I thought I was only taking 4 a day but then I thought about it and I was taking 2 at oncr, 3 times a day which equals 6.

Still it could be worse.

Wish me luck with my optometrist appt. tomorrow. It's at 7:45 am. They called to confirm and told me I could come in as early as 7:15 if I wanted to. Hahahaha.

I'm hoping I'm so tired that I will just basically sleep walk through it.

[ADayToTry]

Wow, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  It really didn't seem to bad for me.  I feel really lucky.  Its worth it in the end.  I feel happy again now.  Now that we are all here and thinking about you.

[hooklineandsinker]

Well, I thought I looked okay. Went to the local store and of course, saw people I knew. One fella immediately took me back to the refrigerator case and handed me two bottles of Sobe and said "Drink this. It'll help."

Guess I didn't look as okay as I though. LOL.

Anyway, I never even saw this stuff before but it's pretty good. The kind he gave me tastes like a liquid cremesicle.

[hooklineandsinker]

Thanks for the support everyone. God help me. I have to go to the store and PO. I'm not going to look in the mirror. LOL.

[refusingbondage]

Aw, it will get better. Just give yourself time.  Yeah, RLS was the worst part for me too.. I hated it.. I still remember reading someone's post on this forum that STILL makes me smile. They said:

"If I wake up dead one day with Restless Leg Syndrome, I will know I'm in He*ll."

Very true.  You got another few days and you will begin to feel better.  Most likely it wont get any worse than it is now - so take comfort in that.  If youve made it this far, you can go all the way.  Hot baths or showers for me were the only thing to help the goose bumps.  Ive heard of a natural product sold in Wal Mart called Hylands Restful Legs or something like that -- supposed to help with the RLS.  I didnt use it though so I cant say for sure..  The gatorade is a good idea. Will keep you hydrated.  Immodium is a good idea. and I believe Banannas are good too (for potassium).  Advil too.  Unforutanatley  nothing is going to make you sleep until your ready, so try to just tough it out. Watch movies.  Play on the computer and yes, if you have to just pace aroudn the house - then do just that.  Just hang in there!  

[scaredmom330]

there is an otc medication called hyland restful leg, that helps with rls, also try to eat bananas. not sure what to do about the chills/sweating. keep up the good work, you can do this, remember one day at a time. keep posting,. we want to hear from you and help anyway we can. good luck

[hooklineandsinker]

Today is worse. Much worse.

Last night, no sleep to speak of. I had a revelation though. Now, I know why they call it "kicking" the habit. The RLS was so bad I just started kicking my legs in frustration.

Also discovered the meaning of cold turkey. Outside walking the dogs and it's in the 80's and I got this chill and looked down and had goosebumps all over my arms. I thought I look like..light bulb comes on..a plucked turkey.

I'm sure everyone else already knows this.

I just want it to stop.

[hooklineandsinker]

Thank you BornofOsiris.

The first day I quit before taking them again, I didn't feel this bad. In fact, didn't feel too bad at all. But I will take your word for it I'm back to day one.

I don't understand about Thomas. I looked at the recipe in one of the posts. Are you saying he's dead?

I can't get a script. I never had a script and like I said, around here, you have to be terminally ill to get pain meds so I'm safe there.

I found out there is no point in taking the benzos. They do nothing. I don't even feel them. Nothing overcomes the night time horror of no sleep and no rest.

I took enough to knock out a horse and I was wide awake and alert.

The worst part is that the dr appt I have is at 7:45 am!! Have to do it somehow.

I might be reading your post incorrectly but I think you are saying to not worry about eating right now? I just had another big bowl of yogurt and it's not bothering me so far.

The street cure is to drink Gatorade but the thought of that makes me sick on a good day.

Unfortunately, I can't smoke weed. It makes me extremely paranoid and I'm already so spacey, I feel like I've been beamed down from another planet.

I do have on friend I trust but I can't talk to anyone right now. I just literally can't. Maybe in a day or two.

My friend's death was just a total shock to me. I was already almost through day one when I got the phone call. He died on the scene.

Then on day three, the viewing and funeral and  that's when I relapsed.

I just couldn't make a spectacle of myself out of respect for him. I know that sounds like an excuse and it probably is. Especially, since I didn't stop with the small amount I needed to just stop the withdrawal for a couple hours.

Btw, he was also an addict and drugs and alcohol were involved. At the time, I figured he'd understand.

I can see I have a lot of work to do besides just getting rid of the physical dependency.

And again, I apologize for posting over and over and over. I don't know why but it helps me to write all this out and sitting at the computer seems to be one activity I can handle at this point in time.

Congratulations on making it to day 8. I am sure your withdrawal was 10x as horrific as mine. In fact, I can't even imagine what you went through.

[BornofOsiris]

Every time you quit and have a relapse your back at day one...And the thomas receipt, is good BUT be careful cause this was made by an addict, whos life was aslo taken from his addiction. My advice is to stay as far away as you can from the benzos (valium, ultram etc) these are even harder to get off of and you run the risk of just going from one chemical addiction to the other (NOT GOOD)!

I am in somewhat the same boat as you but, i have been using for about a year and a half and i was taking up to 150mlg of hydro a day!! and if i couldnt get norco i would do about 80 mlg oxys (sometimes up to 140 mlgs if i had the money)

Right now im on day 8!!! and everyday gets better...just remember the hardest days are the first 3-4 days these are the peaking days...It usually calms down after that...plus the amount you were taking is best for c/t and w/d shouldnt go past 4 days but everyone is different.

YOU GOT THIS!!! just remember how bad you want it, if you have any refills, call your doctor up and tell him not to fill it cause when your laying down at night it will scream your name and you will cave like a hot knife going through butter.

Some things i used when i was w/d was i used a herb called velarian root w/ skullkap to help with my restless legs (this is all natural stuff that promotes relaxation and wont leave nasty toxins in you) I also went to my natural food store and bought a cleansing kit buuut most people wont do this cause this can cause you to poop more and if you cant eat ANYTHING then it will be all bad. Most people would disagree with me but i smoked weed to help my stomach cramps and diareah and nausea...it worked miracles for me i only had diareaa once!!! but this could trigger your cravings (luckily it doesnt for me) so be carefull...And make sure you get aftercare that is very important, you might even need to go see a counselour to since your having a pretty traumatic experience with your friend.

Im sorry for your friend and she is in a better place. Just dont try to beat youself up over it to much, you need asz much less stress as you can. Also do you have someone you can trust and tell them your situation it helps A TON!!! trust me i had to tell my parents and girfriend for me to build up strength to quit. Just remeber stay strong and you can do this!!!!

PS
This WILL NOT last...This CANNOT last...

[hooklineandsinker]

I just took a nap. Had horrible nightmares about suffocating and then the freaking dog decided it was not normal for me to sleep during the day and barked and woke me up. At least I was unconscious.

I now have diarrhea too.

Already thought of asking a neighbor to go to the store for me but if I told them the ingredients I need??? You have no idea about small town mentality if you think that dog will hunt. It'd be all over town in two days. Probably that I'm concocting some new  drug to sell.

I mean I haven't told ANYONE, family or friends, what's going on. I have the flu and that's the official story. And always will be. For even and ever, amen.

Until I can go to AA but that's safe. I hope. I'd never work again if it got out.

What did you do on your vacation? My best friend died, I puked, **** and ate oyster crackers and drank Pepsi for a week and took at least 6 hot baths every night when I wasn't flailing around in my bed.

I might be miserable but I am LMAO as I type this.

Thank you for responding, IBKlean. Yes, first thing I tried was chicken soup. Not pretty. Yogurt is kind of in between. Not good, not awful. And I can eat a little ice cream. There you have my breakfast, lunch and dinner menu for the next however many days.

Morning, yogurt and Pepsi.
Lunch ice cream.
Dinner oyster crackers.

If it stays down, it's all good. I can do this.

[IBKleen]

I assumed that you would be right back to where you were. It seems all you got was a few hours.

Have you tried some soup? Or even broth? Anything that is smoothing for the stomach and has nutrition as well. For me, chicken soup is my go to comfort food.

Do you have a sober friend or family member that can make a health food store/pharmacy run for you?

[hooklineandsinker]

Yep, it's definitely back to day 3. Sorry for the compulsive posting. I'm drinking a Pepsi. Forgot to mention that helps my stomach.

I don't know what to eat. Please any suggestions besides oyster crackers. Something with a little more nutritional value?

Already dreading tonight.

Btw, I looked at the Thomas recipe and I have no idea where to get any of those ingredients. Not that I am capable of going anywhere to get them at this point.

I'm even going to run out of cigarettes so double withdrawal. Doubt I'll even notice.

I guess I'm finally qualified to offer some advice. Plan your withdrawal in advance. :)

[hooklineandsinker]

It feels like day 3 so far. I've only been up for one hour.

I really didn't take them because my friend died but because I couldn't face all those people in full withdrawal. Not making excuses. I just had this vision of greeting someone and saying "excuse me" and running outside to puke.

But then again, I only planned on taking two and I ended up taking a lot more. And two actually worked and took away enough of the withdrawal to function.

Well, can't do that again.

I haven't had any problems with diarrhea but then again, I haven't eaten very much. It's more my stomach.

I did start crying this morning and I cried and cried and really wailed. It felt good to feel something even if it was something bad.

I hope no one minds me posting so much. I need the support. There are very few AA or NA meetings here. Already checked.

As for seeing a doctor, like I said drugs are so bad here, you could have your leg chopped off and have a hard time getting pain meds.

If you went to one in withdrawal, the response would be "It won't kill you. Suck it up." I know this because that's what other people have told me.

[IBKleen]

It is hard to say if you are back to day 1. Let's put it this way, it didn't help to take the pills on that critical day. You are confusing your brain chemistry which is trying to replenish itself naturally.

I am sorry that you lost your friend and I do know this is a rough time. You will need to learn how to handle situations such as this in order to stay clean. You will need to learn that it is okay to feel. We mask our feelings for so long that when we get clean we don't know how to deal with things like this that come along.

I think if you continue with the physical withdrawal at this point and get your into an aftercare program, you will be well on your way.

[hooklineandsinker]

Thank all you wonderful people for answering.

But am I back to day 1? For me it got progressively worse over the first 3. I'm just wondering if I did make some progress. I don't even mind going back to day 3 if I get to day 4 tomorrow.

I just woke up sick as a dog again. I have diazepam. I took some last night and did sleep. But that was on top of the Vicodin so...

Before in full withdrawal it didn't work at all. I could take 6 and it was like I ate some M&Ms from what I could tell. Zero effect.

From what I've read I know it's not a high dose but I did take it a year and it feels bad enough for me.

The RLS and leg cramps are the worst. That's only at night though.  I can't lay still. It makes me insane. I have to get up. Lay down. Get up. Over and over.

Then there's the constant nausea. Is there anything I can eat? I tried chicken soup and it was awful. In fact, the only thing that hasn't made me want to puke is oyster crackers and I can't live on them.

And I swear I've developed agoraphobia. I can't stand the thought of going anywhere.

I have an appt with an optometrist on Thursday. I'm dreading it. Can't cancel.

I had a personal tragedy the very first day off. My best friend died in a car accident. I think that is part of the reason I relapsed. I had to go to the viewing and I just couldn't do it without taking some because I can't face one person let alone a room full of people.

I haven't even been able to grieve properly because I feel so numb.

At least, no one will ask me what's wrong with me because they'll think it's that.

I really need to know if I knocked myself back to day 1 so I can plan on what to do. I have to stock up on cigarettes (another addiction I need to quit) and whatever else anyone can recommend that doesn't make you puke.

I hear you about the exercise. I have a dog I have to walk a couple times everyday. Does that count?

I discovered the hot baths on my own. It just seemed like it would work and it does for a brief period. But I'm getting waterlogged. LOL.

The reason I got hooked was really stupid. I took some and found out they gave me all this energy and I felt like this super competent person. Drugs are very bad here. I once picked up a hitchhiker and we were talking about opiates and as he put it, "We all need something to get us through the day."

I decided it's not for me anymore. My tolerance was starting to increase exponentially. I could see myself taking 15 a day to get the effect I used to get from 3. In fact, what I was taking at the end did not give me a buzz but just kept me from being sick.

I'd wake up sick and have to take some to even get started for the day.

So tell me the good or bad news? Did my three days off count for anything?

And yes, I flushed them. I can't trust myself. Didn't have enough to taper anyway.

[worried878]

Flushing is a fantastic release..it helps u let go of the one thing that haunts u...keeping pills in the house or refills at the pharmacy r sure ways to kill ur efforts

u r at a dose that is usually best to ct....not a high dose..but this stuff doesnt get better..only worse..congrats on flushing..many can not do this...u will feel good physically in 3-4 days as a rule..exercise and the thomas recipe in the health pages helps..ur brain needs time to heal and exercise releases those much needed endorphins..the aminos help heal ur brain at this point..i was at 100 mgs a day for 4 yrs,,,imodum rocked for me as the runs were my worst symptom....day 5 i was back at work....do make a plan to stay clean...this is 99% mental...and the mental part of addiction causes most relapses...post daily...keep us updated

[Ella789]

Pick up where you left off and hope for the best,  it didn't help with the plan to use even just a little bit.  By day 4 the worst should be abt. over for you, day 5 you should notice that you are feeling some better and that you are going to make it !!  

Good advice from Salsinator above,  hot baths and a heating pad if you have one.  Benadryl for the nose, sneezing and yawning are normal.  Take good viatamins, drink good fluids, gatoraid and such.  otc pain meds..... aleve, or arthritis strength something....  It is rough for a few days,  good that you have some time off.  Be kind to yourself,  try to eat lightly, and get up and walk .....  make yourself.   Go sit in a hot bath (as hot as you can stand it ) it will really help when the muscle, leg pains are bad.
Best wishes on your quit!  keep posting

E

[salsinator]

Hi Hook, you are in the right place.  W/d is different with everyone and depends on how much you were taking and for how long.  Often, it is recommended to taper down the dose slowly so the w/d is not as severe, but most of us addicts have trouble and always have to take just one more.  You indicated taking 40mg per day, which is not too terribly bad.  The typical withdrawal for hydrocodone will last 4-7 days, but you should start to see some improvement after about the 4th day.  If you have a doctor that you trust to help, he can prescribe some clonidine and possibly give you some advice to make the withdrawal a little easier.  If you read some of the other posts, many people speak of forcing yourself to get out of bed and get some exercise.  Hot baths will also help with the leg cramps.  Of course, some immodium will probably help on the back side too.   Keep posting, there are lots of people here with experience who can help you through the process.