Can't stop.... :(

[Backtopurity]

I've been a binge drinker since I was about 14. It's the biggest problem for me. I recently got off Percocet after being on it for 3 years after a car wreck. Now I'm trying to address this major issue I've had forever that has been inhibiting and interfering with my life. I've always reached for alcohol to have fun. On the summer days on the beach(illegally hiding it on beaches as well), in the winter: taking a break from the slopes getting some liquid courage, all year round hanging out with friends or playing games with family. There is always a reason to drink. It's actually under contol a lot of the time, but many times(too many) it has escalated to a binge night. I've had 2 day drinking sessions without stopping. People recognize me all the time and I have clue who they are. It *****, I work at a dental office, and last week someone said they see me all over town often. I only go out when drinking, so I have no clue, and it's so embarrassing. I've done horrible drugs while drinking. Including crack!!! Ew. Good god. I am so fed up with the eradic behavior. My major car accident a couple years back, I met a guy at a party, and wanted to party more, wanted to go swimming to a remote place up in the bush at a lake, was fooling around while he was driving, then when for about 5 flips over a cliff.... It was a nightmare. Now if you knew me, you'd know that is very out of character for me. I am no ****, no easy person, I have long term relationships, but when I drink, I am different, careless. I don't know why I do it. I guess to "unwind" after work or whatever reason I have at the time, and it just escalates all to frequently. I don't mean to whine and sound like "whoa is me". But this has been eating me up. I have a counsellor who I see weekly, but I just need to tell my stories to more people. I feel lost with drinking. Even last night I went out with work friends, I arranged a dinner and bowling trip. I was uptight after work. Drank martinis, pitcher of beer, bottle of beer, 1/2 L of white wine in 6 hours while bowling. I know to some, that isn't all that much, but this was with work!!! Oh god, so embarrassing. I don't want my professional life to fall apart...

It seems worse the older I get. I'm turning 29 in may and my binging is just making me feel like a loser. I am a shy person with a reputation in my town as a drunk. One time I saw a guy I went to school with, and he was so angry with me. I was confused and asked why. I guess one time previous, he had a party at his house after a rock concert in my town(which I hardly remember as well) and he said I was breaking and throwing stuff!! I have absolutely no recollection and usually do even if I have no control myself, I ususally remember(as if I'm watching a movie...lol) I only assume I was drugged, or did some sort of crazy drug. It's just horrible. I have been to AA and find they don't quite work for me, actually I want to drink more after them. I have went to a meeting with women only b4(they were in-patients and it was a drop in meeting) it seemed to get to me in a good way, but I only went once... I have had suggested to me to go to a centre for a while, but I just can't. Mortgage and I'm single... So not working for me. I know there are always excuses tho...

Any suggestions as to where I go from here?? Love and light to you all...

[dominosarah]

I love the new and improving Narla!!!!  You just keep getting better everyday girl!!!       sara

[ibizan]

thank u for clarifying that...on less thing to have on your conscience when one sobers up is the chance or reality of harming another as a result of driving under the influence.Someone must've been watching over me years ago as  I regularly drove with BAC'S in the double digits,and in blackouts for too many a time.I am ever so grateful I never harmed another as a result of my irresponsible behavior!

[Jacker]

After far too many experiments, I've found that alcoholism truly is progressive.  If you've crossed that magic line, your drinking and your reaction to alcohol will get worse over time.....not better.  Once you come to this realization, you cannot cut back.  You simply have to stop drinking and move on with your life.

You're young- do this before you lose a bunch of years.  There's nothing wrong with giving up alcohol and finding other interests.......at a certain age, being "the drunk" ceases to be funny and becomes pitiful.  I think it's great that you're realizing this now, but take the final step and make a decision to quit.  Otherwise, alcohol will continue pulling you backwards.  

[Princessdaniella]

I do not see how it has helped turning this post to the drug/alcohol counsellor I once had. I understand where You're coming from and if I had a daughter or a sister or someone I cared about seeing her or even someone had told me I would have probably said exactly what You said however I do not have the same problem I once did and I stopped seeing her when I was seeing her. I am not going to live with the idea of taking someones job away from them because they did something that shouldn't have been done when if I hadn't seen her in the first place and she hadn't been offering to help me it would not have happened.
This is not an argument and I understand where You're coming through so I am not going to say anything on your opinion but at the same time I am not going to judge someone else on right and wrong and their decisions.

[Jacker]

If there is a time for judgment, this is it.  Why are you hijacking this person's thread?  

[Princessdaniella]

I do not see how giving someone advice and replying to comments that were made to me is hijacking a thread. I think You need to re consider Your thoughts. I do not ignore people and I am not an arrogant person. I find it rather amusing that You direct that post at me when I have replied to messages made for me.