Have i got a problem w/alcohol-part 2

[ibizan]

there is no such thing as can't quit....its just not ready too.... and won't quit!

[more0then0a0virus]

yeah... i actually want to, but i don’t think at all... i was too impulsive yesterday. never mind... i wont drink anymore, i guess... i´m depressed right now... i`m going to forget about last night on few hours...  but thank you for answering...

I`ll try to manipulate my mother to ground me… It`ll be safer then… When I`ll be at home all the time…

[dominosarah]

Isnt there alcohol in your home?  Why not tell them the truth?

[more0then0a0virus]

Yeah it is, but I can`t drink it anymore, because in every bottle of liqueur I`ve left maybe 1dl of alcohol. It`s not such a problem for me. But in Sunday morning was because opened beer was standing on the table when I was alone at home... But I didn`t drink...

I can`t worry them... And my father said to me once: "I can`t go trough this again". He was on the bottom... He`s sister was alcoholic, and he just wants to have a stabile family once in his life.

I was in a great mood yesterday. The fact I could drink made me so happy…  And I didn`t pass out. I was sure I was in control. And then I realized I`m at home, my mother was angry at me…  Everything is my fault…

So, today is my 1st day...

[dominosarah]

No my dear, not everything is your fault.   We dont have that much power.

[more0then0a0virus]

Yeah, I obviously do have that much power, I have got this ability to ruin everything, no matter if I want to do so, or not... I just screw up everything near me...

Yesterday I succeed to ruin this. I`ve ruined my 9th day... How stupid is that...

I think I won`t go out of the house anymore. I’m not independent enough for not drinking.

[more0then0a0virus]

succeed=succeeded

[ibizan]

NEVER view it as i'm not gonna drink again....for us and how we did was one hour at a time.....that grew in2 one day at a time....saying NEVER is a sure way to set urself up 4 failure!

[more0then0a0virus]

OK... I`ll do that... Thanks...

[dominosarah]

When we all got sober we had to change our playmates and our playground~~~~

[more0then0a0virus]

I can`t just leave them...

[dominosarah]

When it comes to saving yourself you will do whatever it takes...

[more0then0a0virus]

But...i explained the situation. my friend chose me when I was anti-social. And now, at the end of the day, i’m only person left for him. I can`t be such a  b*tch to him.

I talked to him few minutes ago, he`s really worried about me. For the first time we talked seriously. He feels guilty because he brought alcohol and didn`t stop me yesterday when I drank and told me he won`t let me ruin myself because I`m everything he has got. He has a strong hunch that my drinking will end badly... I explained him that it`s not his fault, but I`m so tired of talking and not drinking... But I won`t drink...

And, I don`t really care so much about the other friends who i go out with...  Just about him...

[dominosarah]

Maybe you 2 can have some sober outings.  I am glad you have someone you can talk to like that.

[more0then0a0virus]

I don`t know... He can control himself. But he asked if I want him not to drink next weekend.

He is great. We can accept each other. He has never fussed about anything I did, including drinking. That`s why I enjoyed spending time with him at the beginning...

I really am glad to have such a good friend... But, on the other hand, I don`t like talking like that with him, because he is going to control my behavior. I hated when people were telling me what to do. I felt trapped then. Like I didin`t have a right to choose.  I don`t want to be controlled, but that`s only option I`ve got...

[more0then0a0virus]

Now I am screwed up.... I`ve been smoking that last gram of pot.... And now I`m really drunk... And it`s so great... And I`m not aware of anythin g right now... I`˛m resallx enjoying in everything... I don`t know how to stop, have I got a reason for that? I drank so much... So much alcohol misses.... ****... I drnk... But I feel awesome? How can I convince myself I that want to stop drinkin g
Ibizan, i know, you were right. I`m screwed up... I have this need and alchohgl...How to get rid of iit? Now I am screwed.... I`ve been smoking that last gram of pot.... And now I`m really drunk... And it`s so great... And I`m not aware of anythin g right now... I`˛m resllx enjoxing in everything... I don`t know how to stop, have I got a reason for that? I drank so much... So much alcohol misses.... ****... I˙m drunkw... But I feel awesome? How can I convince myself I that wabt to stiop drinking
i know, you were righz. I`m screwed up... I have this need and alchohgl...How to get rid of iit?

Hoe to get rid of iit?

[dominosarah]

When you sober up take a look at your last post....then we will all talk again.

[ibizan]

my father once said there comes a time in life when one has to drek or get off the commode.......well we all know what he REALLY said but it would get deleted here!YOU really think ur parents don't know whats going on w/u?they can't be that blind....they probably feel VERY frustrated about what to do......if ur friend was truly ur best friend he would not drink around you....that would be the REAL friendship test!

[more0then0a0virus]

I guess I accidentally copy-paste it...  I was so fu**ing drunk...

I`m no good for anything...

I don`t remember half or the evening... I passed out, but I have got a litlle dose of relief, finally...

This is stupid. I can`t even do what I meant to do. And yesterday I drank too much from my parent `s basement. They will find out...

I just encumber this forum with my stupidity, and because of that I want to escape from here. I want to stop talking about this. I`m just wasting your time... I’m not successful. I’m a failure. You were stronger than me when you were quitting. I’m just a stupid b*tch.

I know I have to stop drinking, but I`m not good at that... I just complicate everything and don`t know what to do anymore. If I drink, I ruin everything. If I don`t drink, I have this need. I`m tired...

[more0then0a0virus]

I don`t deserve your help. You should leave me to rot in here... I`m fu**ing failure...

[more0then0a0virus]

I don`t expect from him to stop. He has got a right to drink. It’s his life. I`ve never had boundaries. I’m against that. And I don`t want him to stop drinking. That`s his life. If he wants to drink, he should. He doesn`t harm anyone...

And I was alone yesterday. At home. That`s why my parents didn`t realized. They don`t check me while I`m at home. So it can`t be his fault. It`s mine. Just like everything else...

[more0then0a0virus]

My friend have just said to me I will have some ups and downs and that`s normal, but the most important thing is not to give up. She said I`m making progress when she compares amount of alcohol in last 11 days with how often I used to drink. Now I`m ready for new, and I hope longer period of not drinking.

[Punkinhead75]

Hi there.  I wouldn't say we were stronger than you when we stopped.  It may seem that way but for me I don't think that is true.  I drank and smoked pot and did a lot speed.  My friends and family tried talking to me about it and I just wouldn't budge.  I had my reasons and they were completely justified and righteous, at least in my own head.  I still had a few things I was placing ahead of getting cleaned up.  I knew I was in bad shape and needed to stop, however I wasn't yet willing to do what was necessary to stop.  Therefore I still drank and drugged.

In a short period of time my friends stopped coming by and my family stopped calling.  I only found out later that they couldn't stand by and watch me continue to poison myself.  They also knew from past experience that they couldn't tell me what to do either.  I would just rebel.  I later learned that that rebeliousness tends to be an alcoholic trait that many of us possess.  Anyway,  I got so out of control that I almost killed my wife and decided to leave.  Thinking only of her safety I packed my things and left.  Looking back I realize that I could have gotten cleaned up and things would have improved.  Turns out I chose to continue drinking and drugging instead of staying together.  Again, at the time I thought I was doing the right thing.

With a truck full of stuff I wanted to keep I went to my parents house and asked if I could stay there and I explained what had happened.  I opened up and told them everything that was going on.  Turns out there was a lot they didn't know about.  They asked what I wanted to do.  I still wasn't sure what to do but knew things needed to change.  They had a friend in AA and we met.  He took me to meet another guy and we went to a mtg.  Since then things have gotten better.  My wife and I are back together and doing well.

At the time I was going through it I just couldn't see.  Looking back now however I can see that all the stuff I put before getting cleaned up I had to lose.  When I became willing to put sobriety first, I became blessed with being sober and get my family, friends and wife back.  The only thing I have to do is be willing to listen to others and do what they say is the right thing in regards to getting cleaned up.

I agree with Ibizan about the not can't quit, it's just not ready to.  The question I have to keep in mind is how bad does it have to get before I'm willing to do what is necessary to change.  Whenever someone makes a suggestion and I find a way to say "no" to that suggestion I am choosing to feed my disease instead of recover from it.

God Bless!!!

[more0then0a0virus]

Thank you 4 sharing... It`s great you have earned everything back. It`s nice to hear something like that and that being happy is possible, without alcohol...

I guess I`m not completely ready to quit. But I´ll force myself somehow to be ready. I´ll make it work... I can do it.

Good luck...

[dominosarah]

Definition of insanity......Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

We dont let anyone rot in here.  You are not a failure to us.  We know where you are coming from as we have all been there.  It is up to you now to make a change, you can do it....sara