Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[Robinlynn1206]

Had a talk with my mom about all this today and now she says if i call off the divorce and get back with him, I can forget about having a relationship with them. I didn't say this was something that was going to happen overnight..It will be at least 6 months anyway because i have made a committment to my son he can live her with me for 6 months. So them two living under the same roof..nope that want happen. I think he needs to at least stay in rehab for the 90 days, get a little job somewhere and if he has to he can live in a hotel..until that time is up..He needs to get independent also..But, man I am getting hit from left to right with everything..I mean who's life is it anyway?

[ibizan]

I totally agree w/redbull here w/one xception-there is no Disneyland in RelationshipLand!:)

[redbull]

Wow! OK, my first thought is that he's just like most of us alcoholics "Charming" we charm our women to no end and are very good at it. That's why we're able to get em back over and over. We have the gift, however, the more you learn your alanon you will see through it and just know it comes natural for us...Doves..nice touch. He means it but you'd need to watch closely for old behavior from him. 1 year, no way IMO. It is sugested 90 meetings in 90 days for a good foundation, he's getting that there. I'd be firm on that. He will learn plenty in that time and should be very different after that. But not fixed by any means, lotz more work is required there after. If you do this at 90 day it will be inperitive that you and him attend regular meetings. Regular meetings is just regular, whether its 5 meetings a week or 1 meeting a week, but without fail regular. The meetings will not heal him, there are sick people in meetings...It's the the first 164 pages" and a sponsor" in the Big Book that is the program of recovery, NOT the people, they are just support. A sponsor that he's drawn to will walk him along the path. Please please attend alanon, it is just as important as him and his meetings. I think if you two talk about recovery and not let yours be yours and his be his, doors will open and comunication is inevitable Then you guys can be happy and go to Disney Land

[Robinlynn1206]

As to the letter..I got it and it had two doves in with the letter and it said you know they mate for life..I used to say that to him all the time and he would say "yes I know you say that every time we see a dove"..So it is funny he brought that up..He loves me very much..Said nothing against me..He sounds really sincere..He can call out on Sunday only..I took a chance and called and this man said well, let me find him..this is against the rules but, i am going to go find him for you..So we talked..the only thing i am worried about is that he said..I'm not sure how long i can stay here but, i want to come home soon. I told him that i thought he gave a 12 month commitment..and he said that is what the people are there that have court ordered..He said he is there as a volunteer so he doesn't have to stay that long.  .So this throws a red flag up to me..that he wants to come home and it has not been long enough..He has been there for a month and a half..45 days...I would think 90 days is what it should be...He didn't say he was coming home soon..just kinda sounded like he was hinting..He said he will let me know when the next visitor time is when he calls Sunday. So..His whole letter was telling how much he loves me and wants the marriage to work and that he needed to heal himself and how he hurt so many people and is very remorseful...He talked about how the drinking did take everything from him and most of all it took me. But, I am going to take one day at a time. I told him my son is moving in for 6 months so that is a good reason for him to not come back for at least that 6 months...I will still keep you posted

[ibizan]

i always like to hear good endings!:)

[redbull]

In my case it's worked out well. One daughter knew just where to go when the disease started on her and is now doing very well. My youngest graduated college and works in the field of addiction (seems she knows alot about it). It's all good :-)