Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[Robinlynn1206]

no they have nothing against me..just tired of seeing all this and they want him to concentrate on nothing but sobriety..The fact that they can't answer if he said not to tell me tell me where he is says to me that he didn't say that.. But also the fact that i have not received a letter or phone call also says he is not ready. So after last night, I prayed and prayed..everything i read in the bible pointed me to wait.I did tell her i wanted one simple answer and all she would say is he has made a commitment to God and is working on himself. I think they are protecting him, thinking that one communication with me will get his mind off his recovery. which could be. to (phsycodog)As for my family  if i decide to postpone then i will tell them to back off..(redbull) the last time he stayed with them for 6 mnths, they would not let him call. I had to get him a cell phone and we were finally able to communicate. He said that he thought I didn't want to work things out and he was so happy to finally hear from me. So I think he probaly feels I am hurt, don't want to have anything more to do with him and he is afraid to call...I also started thinking that i have not seen too much of his mail coming in..He might have changed his address..So i am going to write a letter to him addressed to here and see what happens..If it goes to his parents it will not look like it is from me (i am going to make it look like that) or it could be forwarded to where he is. Alanon is Monday at 6 so i am to that class..If he gets a letter from me (redbull) my answer of what he would think is he would be happy to hear from me. So my plan is to go to alanon monday, write a letter to him addressed to here and see what happens and wait. That is all I can do..Going off on the deep end last night is not where i want to be, it did nothing for me but, make me miserable. The Christmas card I got from him was from a postoffice that I tracked down to service (Tyler area), I am going to start from there and check to see what all mens facilities are in that area. Thanks for all your kindness and cares..Im better today and hope I can just get through this one day at a time.

[ibizan]

u r really teetering in the middle of the fence....if u've nothing than more $$$ to lose maybe postpone?one of the recovering nurses that worked w/me in rehab many moons ago said to me....if ur sitting in the middle of the fence....and unsure of whether to get off...or continue sitting....than sit.....the answers will come!as for the rest of the family...the old adage is so true....2 many cooks spoil the soup!have u gone to Al-Anon yet?

[phsycodog]

Your parents nor your son are married to him, neither am I for that matter. All of this directly impacts your life, not theirs. It is perfectly in your rights to politely tell them to back off. All of this takes time; heck, I'm on day 101, and I would be afraid if someone put a Captian & Coke in front of me. Give him a little time and take some for yourself.

Jim

[redbull]

Did you tell your mother in law this simple question that you want to ask? Do they not like you or something? I don't get it, that's just mean. He's your husband for God's sake. You know him best, he's probably thinking just the way you think he is. What would he say if he got that letter? What's your quick 3 second answer to the question? That's probably it then. My thoughts and prayers are with you two. If you know what town he's in, there can't be that many 90 day programs like his..Is there? Say if there's 3 you send 3 letters...I'm smiling now but jeezz, how frustrating for you.

[Robinlynn1206]

I just came from a visitation one of my friends I used to work with died of lung cancer. I watched his wife sit there and cry and she went through alot with this man and loved him so much. It really got to me, so I texted my mother in law and said "fi i write john a letter will you get it to him"?..She said no..we want be in the middle of it..until he contacts you..I said ok..well did he or did he not say don't tell Robin where I am?..she kept changing the subject and then said i have said all im going to say good night..Ok here is the deal. All I want to do is get one call one letter, I want to hear him say " Robin, wait for me, im going to get better..but i need time so just wait for me"..Or he can say " move on with your life cause he is"..Why is it so hard for people to understand, I love my husband, still after everything he has done..because i saw the good side of him when he was not drinking. It is really driving me crazy and today i am having a really bad day...I have been more pressured by my parents and my son to go through with this divorce...if it wasn't for all that i don't think i would have filed..Now financially it is draining me, so I thought about seeing if my lawyer will postpone it...I will still pay just postpone till i hear something from my husband...I really believe that he did not tell them to keep it from me. He probaly is sitting there thinking I don't care and he is scared to call..This is the worse feeling in the world..hopeless, helpless and the not knowing..I can't even think straight tonight. I am not going to contact them anymore..I will wait, and give it a week to think about this..

[dominosarah]

Focus on you and your recovery, the answers will come in time~~