Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[rpooo]

Robin I'm not going to try to give you advice anymore since I suck at it..ha ha But I do want you to know that I am still reading and hoping the very best for you.

I don't know what your decision should be or whats right or wrong but part of my point above is that whatever happens could someday later be a blessing in disguise.

I really liked Redbulls post (Of course) and as usual Sarah makes a very good point " Recovery is very important for the both of them as each person needs to get healthy.  Healthy people = healthy marriage......"

I suspect his mom knows more than she's telling you. Maybe he should be in here asking for advice! Take care ((Hugs))

[Robinlynn1206]

well just found out that he does have the option to call our or write and he has choose not to do either for me. I am very hurt..Not sure why or what could be going through his mind..Maybe he is ashamed..or very hurt that I made him stay in a hotel and told him to get help..Does he not realize i did it because i love him..I am very upset right now finding out that he want call to even tell me what to do with his things. check on me, check on his dog. His mom said that he has the option to call or write..so that tells me he wants me to move on..

[phsycodog]

Yes you are misunderstanding me, and yes I take full responsability for her leaving. Leaving me, although I didn't think so at the time, was probably one of the best things she ever did for me. She should have done it sooner. Much sooner. If I made a list of all of the times she should have left, it would be a very, very long list. I'm not proud of the way I acted, as a matter of fact, I am pretty ashamed of it. All of it was my fault, and I did deserve nothing. Her just up and leaving was the most dignified way of doing it; had she tried to do it face to face, I would have been on my way to being drunk by the time we got together, and when I was drinking, NOTHING was ever my fault.

Leaving my beliefs on religion out of it, I think Robinlynn1206 needs to take some time to heal herself. If I'm reading this correctly, it seems that he is the problem. If you are hesitant about taking it as far as divorce, at least give the guy a 6 month "time out". He needs something that shows you are serious. Very serious. This might save the relationship, or it might save his life, or both. I know that if I ever get into a serious relationship with a woman again, I will never take her ,or the relationship, for granted again.

[dominosarah]

We would all be smoking in hell today but we are working our recovery and for that i am grateful~~

[redbull]

Jeez...OK..Since you put it that way. I must say after reading your last post that I would agree that the tolorence between Men vrs Women is (as much as I don't want to say this) different. You got me there. I'm sure I'm speaking from my own experience and just expecting that she could do the same as my wife did even though I really didn't deserve the support. Thank God I didn't get what I deserved. I gusee that,s why they call it the Grace of God, what you get from God is grace (a free gift). If I got what I deserved from God I'd be smoking in Hell today. I do hope everything turns out good for Robinlynn. With or without him.

[ibizan]

It is not beyond the realm of possibility that this man may find all.....and do all that u note in ur post.The Big Book was written in 1936...where women were expected to be/and were for the most part totally self sacrificing and stood by the man despite all the drinking and resulting chaos.This is a statistic that I see and is documented that hasn't changed much in 10 years........9 out of 10 women stay w/an alcoholic/addict male.........while 9 out of 10 men will leave an alcoholic/addict woman!The woman is very much still expected to be made out of super glue and absorb it all!The times have changed....women have more choices and they don't have to stay and take IT anymore.U probably recognize how fortunate u r to have had ur family stand by u during ur drinking.Poohbear is 2.And perhaps both of u didn't put ur family thru the hell Robinlynn noted.If this man truly wants recovery...he will work for it....like u did...like poohbear did....like sara does...like I have.....and if its meant to be they may well get it back together someday.But for NOW this woman needs to do what she must.Would you like to pay for a flooded damaged home and have to replace all in it that ur wife did during a drunken rampage?Could u easily 4 give ur wife for causing the death of  ur beloved animals during a drunken rampage?U'd have to an android from star trek to totally say yes!When he gets out of rehab and is back in the REAL world...that will be the true test of how bad he wants sobriety...and how much work he's willing to do for the wreckage he caused.The Big Book does ask of us that we do that!And continue to take our inventory on a daily basis and correct our wrongs promptly!