Fear of Insanity

[onebalance]

I'm 24, been diagnosed with Genaralized Anxiety Disorder and ADHD for about 4 years now. About 2 years ago began experiencing symptoms of what I thought was a heart attack (radiating pain in left arm, shortness of breath, chest pain). Got the checked about 3 times to find nothing is wrong (I'm a fairly fit guy, 6'0, 160, but do have a tendency to drink too much, which I have cut back dramatically on in recent months, and a history of heavy cannabis use, which I no longer use). Of course these pains, which lead to further symptoms, shaking, sweating, nausea, were good ol' panic attacks. I have my own coping mechanisms for these events as of now, and although these pains and discomfort still make me uneasy and set me into "heart attack" mode at times, they rarely, if ever, set me into full on panic attack.

So I guess if its not one thing, its another, but I have recently been dwelling over the thought that I may eventually develop Schizophrenia. As far as I know, I don't have any family history of it, but I have recently read research suggesting that even without family history, schizophrenia can still develop, and is found to be directly linked with genes that contribute to ADHD and Parkinsons(?) (not exactly positive about the latter). Seeing that my anxiety has been increasing over the past few years, development into panic attacks, and past drug and alcohol abuse (I guess I didn't mention using mushrooms on about 4-5 occasions), has me scared. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to lose it! Not in the sense of having a panic attack; heart thumping, sweating, etc, but in the sense that my head just feels kind of foggy, or strange.

I'm inclined to think that this is just my anxiety jumping from one topic to the next: "okay so you're not having heart attacks, but you never know....you might develop schizophrenia!" But knowing my past and looking at my personality just has me apprehensive. I can sometimes be kind of reclusive, get real "hooked" on certain projects, and for as much as I like being around people, I don't ever make the effort to try and make many connections. Sure, I have friends, but I rarely talk to one every single day, ask them to come over, go out to lunch, or what have you. Some days are better than others, in terms of my sociability.

Lately, when I've been walking around, the thought of it seems to consume my mind. I think "what if I lost it? what would it be like to believe that the person sitting across from me is plotting against me?" To assert the question leads me to "try it out" and I become immediately uncomfortable and terrified, and shun the thought (rightfully so) from my mind.

Ultimately, I don't have the hallmark traits, auditory or visual hallucinations, disorganized thoughts, rambling speech, what have you. I tend to be a disorganized person in general though, and sometimes feel like I lose touch with people. In my mind I someitmes think "what could that person honestly want to do with me?" So even if this is all attributed to my f*****n anxiety, I wonder, has anyone else ever had this problem? It's so funny that when I find out that my heart is in reality okay, that I'm now more worried about something that is even more difficult to pin down (mental health/disorder), leaving me with more what-ifs. BLEH, this feels maddening!

[hmf099]

I don't have much time to post, but you asked if anyone else has been through this. I have several anxiety disorders (I think 6 of the 7), and my anxiety was/still kind of is a lot like yours. Mine started with obsessing over a health issue, when that didn't scare me anymore, I'd fear another health issue, a scarier one to me, and I'd feel better about it, and think of a worse one, and so on and so forth. Then when I stopped worrying about health, it was mental. What if I have this? I'd realize I didn't have it, then come across a scarier mental illness and worry about that. It's like my mind was always looking for a way to scare me even worse than before! Therapy has REALLY helped this, while I still occasionally fear "losing it", it's much less severe, and the worry lasts minutes to hours, instead of weeks to months. Good luck and feel free to message me!

[onebalance]

Thanks a lot I appreciate the honest assessment. It gets hard to keep thinking about these things all the time. Hypochondria may be a valid assessment as well, even as you recognized its only just a broad generalization about the limited amount of information I have provided.

If there's one thing that I somewhat "believe", or at least theres one thing that I have been keen to noticing throughout my life experiences, it's that usually "if you look for it, you'll find it."

That being said, I often times dwell on the little things that I think are wrong, and then I begin looking for something that is wrong. In looking so adamently for something, somone from an outside perspective might even think that I would "want" something to be wrong just so I would stop looking.

Wouldn't it be great if I could learn to look for the better things in life? Maybe if I started looking I would find them and give up searching for everything that I think is wrong with me.

Thanks again greenlydia. Sometimes my mind turns into a scary place when it gets lonely and thoughts start tubling around. I'll admit that I don't really think that I'm a schizophrenic either, but the fear of development feels stifling someitmes. I just wanted the solace of someone telling me that I'm not losing it. Common sense says that there is nothing to be afraid of, because if it ever did develop, just as any other numerous difficulties could befall any of us at any time, often times they will be dealt with in an appropriate way at the appropriate time--regarldess of how much worrying I do about them.

This self-wallowing **** makes me sick....but things really do seem difficult sometimes. Thanks for your time. Happy Holidays to you!

[RubyWitch]

You have some really classic symptoms of hypochondria and anxiety. Case in point for the hypochondria is when you wrote that since there was nothing wrong with your heart, what could you find to obsess about now? Since anxiety and hypochondria are a bit like the chicken or the egg question, we'll leave it at that. But they do feed off each other and compete to see just who can grow the biggest.

The severity and types of symptoms can vary significantly among different people with schizophrenia. Overall, the symptoms fall into three major groups: delusions and hallucinations; thought disorder and bizarre behavior; and deficit or negative symptoms. A person may have symptoms from one or all three groups. The symptoms are sufficiently severe as to interfere with the ability to work, interact with people, and care for oneself.

I don't know you, but from what you've written, I can sense a fear of schizophrenia, but I don't see any of the real hallmarks of this disorder. Which is a really bold, totally non-medical opinion!

Below is a paragraph you wrote and I'd like to sort of compare myself to what you've written. I know for a fact I'm not a schizophrenic, and I think I can "prove" you're not either.

  "But knowing my past and looking at my personality just has me apprehensive.............." (your words)

___My past was pretty messed up in a number of ways and there were things that happened to me that affected MY personality. I came of age during the 50's and 60's and did my share of drugs and drinking.
I have PTSD and severe panic disorder___.




"I can sometimes be kind of reclusive, get real "hooked" on certain projects......." (your words)


___I can be extremely reclusive as well, I am quite sure in some other life I was a hard core hermit. Very seldom does it "bother" me to be this way. I am almost always quite content to be alone. Like you, I get "hooked" on various projects and I am totally fine with spending all my time on these projects___  




"and for as much as I like being around people, I don't ever make the effort to try and make many connections. Sure, I have friends, but I rarely talk to one every single day, ask them to come over, go out to lunch, or what have you. Some days are better than others, in terms of my sociability" (your words)


___I like being around other people when I want to be around other people. I still have to work, so I am forced to interact. When I get off work, I am exhausted from the effort of all that small talk. When I get home, sometimes it's an hour before I even talk to my animals.
I have friends too. But like you, for reasons that are hidden from me or maybe, as I tell myself, I'm just incredibly lazy, I don't make much effort to contact them, spend time with them. I don't call and chat on the phone. I'll email once in awhile. But in the Miss Socialbility Contest, I'm a real loser. But my friends aren't beating my door down either. So what does that mean?

I meant all that as a sort of analogy that we are quite a bit alike and I don't think either one of us is a bloody schizophrenic. Maybe we're eccentric? Perhaps we are as mad as Hatters? But we are NOT schizophrenics.

That is my humble opinion. If you are still unsure of your feelings, please see a psychiatrist who will be able to diagnose you very quickly

Next time you're cruising the Merck Manual for a disorder for us, could you choose one that's easier to spell? Thanks, eh?
You're fine.
Peace
Greenlydia