what am i

[anxiety_matt]

i really dont know whats wrong with me. im an 18 year old boy and i think i have avoidance personality disorder or social anxiety.. well so much to talk about, i wish a scientist could study me for 1 day like measure my brainwaves throughout the day.. i pretty much have no friends and am one of the best, if not the best athelete in my small school of about 550 kids. i play soccer basketball and baseball.i overanalyze every single thing that goes on in my mind and around me.. i cant even explain it. ive gotten to the point where ive recognized that i have consciousnes and wondering why i have it, this adds to the God side of my religious cognitive dissonance. i have a b average in school and go throughout my hole day quuiet and miserable, hoping i dnt look stupid doing every single thing i do. even sitting in a chair the "right" way. it seems whenever i want to avoid a situation i get rely tired and sleepy and could nap, and i have trouble sleeping at nite. like i hated everyday of basketball cuz of worrying about messing up plays , which i did, and everyone would yell at me. i was so nervous everyday at practice. after school each day id fall asleep. . so many questions and so much to say. sry its so much to read. i hav a mom dad and a 15 yr old sis and 10 yr old bro. my parents are pretty overprotective and have huge expectations.. i can tell there dissapointed that i didnt get a baseball scholarship to an amazing college. just today at baseball some teammates wanted me to come over to a house and watch a movie and no doubt drink alcahol. i turned em down. as usual my dad tells me im a creepy quiet kid who will probably drop out of college baseball, which boosts my confidence, and my mom thinks ill be a killer.. i have alot to say, if anyones interested in helping me email me. ***@****

[anxiety_matt]

wow i actually got coments . cool. thanks for your guys support. and ya its tough bein a guy and athelete cuz u have to try to be a badass, if ur not your considered gay or weak.. ive found alot of its sexual too. ive never even kissed a girl before but im actually rely sexual and people wouldnt ever think of that.  and all these guys are like, "hey dont you want *****" and "are you gay?" cuz most of the guys im around are all hotshot atheletes who could pick up a girl whenever. .. and i dont know how to answer. its weird. im the most sexual person i know and ive never been close to sex. and when i do something crazy in sports in like gym people are shocked that the weird big quiet kid is suprisingly atheletic. they talk to me about it and i dnt know how to respond....do i act like a badass and brag or do i just act like nothing happened.. ughh. i dnt know what to do. just studying myself throughout everyday. its weird and i hav no answers. well ill be doin more posts.

[mandylynn0621]

I am not 30 yrs old and i can still remember worrying about every move i would make in school...was even to afraid to cough or sneeze in class. Wouldnt offer answers to questions for fear of being wrong. I hid these feeling my whole life and i think if thats whats wrong with me has bloomed into the biggest mess in the past 2 yrs. You cannot continue to live this way. You need to seek help. It really isn't normal to worry about everything and as you get older you will notice. I had few friends but they were close ones and since i am female it is a bit easier to express my feelings than maybe a boy. You should go to  regular MD..voice you concerns without your parents if you are too uncomfortable then maybe he can refer you to someone. It sounds like you have anxiety,  or maybe depression, but only  a professional can diagnose you. I pretended to be "normal" for 28 yrs and it go be nowhere except suppressed feelings. Those feeling can explode one day. Good luck and dont be so hard on yourself. Some parents have a way of making things worse. Your parents are wrong to say those things to you. Sound like they are putting WAY too much pressure on you and I am sorry for that. I had a best friend in school end his life because his parents wanted him to be perfect. Bet they are sorry now.

[mammo]

You truly need to talk to your parents about your feelings, their rude comments and how this affects you.  If need be, put it all in a letter because when we read something it tends to really sink in, and this allows you to say it all. Maybe had they been more supportive you would have gotten that scholarship!  If they refuse to help you go to your school counsleor and talk to them, they will get your parents involved and make sure you get help.  You don't have to feel this way as there is so much help for you.  Please try to not allow their comments to define who and what you are, because I see a lot of good in you!  But still you need to address your problems and get help, so either thru your parents, a realative or school, get help.  Start talking until someone listens.  You deserve better than this, don't let them break your spirit.  You can PM me if you would like to talk privately.  Take care...

[shay69]

Your email is deleted. so I hope you come back to read this. you definitely need to go to the doctor. There is a lot of treatment options I'm sure for whatever is wrong. You do have alot of signs of the social anxiety but as none of us are doctors we cant give you a accurate diagnosis. You should get to a doctor by any means possible there is also heath departments and clinics that help low income people for free or little cost if you have no insurance. The sooner you get help the sooner you can live a happier life. I hope the best for you and that your doing better soon. :) shay