Hormone Issues and HOCD and anxiety

[camblack27]

Before I begin , if someone could please bear with me this might be long , I'm 17 Male. And I can't tell if my hormones are raging out of control or I'm gay or what not. I 've liked girls all my life and never questioned it. However during the past years , my fantasies keep getting weirder and weirder. I'm healthy and emotionally stable ( I assume) and I have a high IQ. As in weird I mean I can almost ejaculate to any thought! even if it is a gay one or incest or something. But right afterwards I get this big feeling of shame (from incest or gay fantasies) and I start questioning if I'm BI even though I know I'm not (never done **** with a guy and never will) but why is it that I have these weird fantasies. It's almost as if I get a huge adrenaline rush as well, is it because it's different , or is it because I'm secretly a big fruit and I don't know it. This really affects my anxiety , and these non stop thoughts about the fear of being gay or the fear of these fantasies (even though I crave them?) do I have an imbalance in hormones? am I always going to be this way? will I become gay? is it just because I'm a teen? and to add , I still always get off to girls , I mean I see a hot girl and damn! but never to guys , in fact I don't even recognize me of liking guys until My HOCD kicks in and makes me think "mhmmm what if you thought he was hot" or something. I hate how I have weird fantasies and the fact I can ejaculate to them brings me big shame and questions?  What's going on with me , I know I'm not gay (100%) but how come when I try on a girls panty , I instantly get hard and Get adrenaline. (and we all know only "gay" guys do this) but I do too, and I'm 100% sure I'm not attracted to men , I believe I suffer HOCD , should i talk to my doctor soon?

[camblack27]

physchologist diagnosed me as gay! Just kidding ,but thanks for your advice mate, and I do not hate gays , in fact I have a gay friend (well I'm almost certain he is) and we get long well and I treat him NO differently than others , but yes I do FEAR myself being gay

[camblack27]

thanks a lot , didn't know how common this is , what relief

[nursegirl6572]

Sexual fantasies and reality are two different things.  MANY people can become sexually aroused with stimuli that they wouldn't find exciting if they were in a real life sexual encounter.  That doesn't make you gay, or doesn't make you interested in incest.  There are many "taboo" porn categories, and they are very popular.  That's basically what you're talking about.  Let's face it, when sexually aroused, MANY things (or ideas of things) can turn one on.  The moment the climax ends, usually those same thoughts would do nothing for the person.

I agree with Paxilled that you need to seek out the help of a therapist.  You need to learn how to dismiss those anxious "what if" thoughts that keep you stuck in a certain thought pattern.

I would also encourage you to browse through and post on our OCD forum.  You will see LOTS of threads about HOCD, with people struggling with varying levels of that.  I think it will be reassuring for you to see that you're not alone, and it will be helpful for you to read the suggestions on how to work on changing your thinking patterns about this.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/show/231

Good luck to you!

[Paxiled]

You don't need a doctor, you need a psychologist.  You appear to have a fear of and hatred of gays, which isn't unusual at your age when you're sexuality is new and very strong hormonally but you lack experience to guide you.  The shame you feel is tied to your negative feelings about being gay and probably has nothing to do with whether you're gay or not, and you're probably not.  You need to talk this out with a professional who can help you understand normal growth and parse out where all this negative feeling is coming from.