I have no idea. It's sports man enjoy it. This should be a fun hobby for you.
If you're serious (sorry, it just sounds kind of "out there"), it sounds like you are dealing with obsessive "what if" thinking. Have you ever seen a mental health professional? Have you/do you get "stuck" on other thought processes?
Looking forward to hearing more!
First of all when i was a child, up to to the age of 20, except for my high school years, I felt so bad when my friends would get yelled at for doing something wrong. Sometimes I would even cry because I felt that teachers could just look at you and send you to hell. I am a 53 year old male with a condition called Cerebral palsy and I am confined to an electric wheelchair and up to 3 years ago I used to go everywhere and I would swim a lot but they took out my left hip. Now I can't do what did before. Neurologist are saying there is something seriously wrong with me and they are testing me to find out what it is. They are waiting for me to see a Muscular Distrophy Specialist on March 21st.