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Too troubled to live alone, too high-functioning for group home?
I suffer from intense self-consciousness, social-phobias, and anxiety. Public interactions sometimes lead to panic attacks, and almost always lead to discomfort, so I avoid them. I spent 18 months in a group home in 1992, and it helped stabilize me, but now I'm considered too high-functioning for such a place (and I've relocated to a fairly small city with limited mental health resources).
(Suddenly I'm not quite sure what my question is -- it is a breakthrough for me to even post about things.)
What do people do when starting even a basic friendship is so nerve-wracking?
I feel paralyzed and bound to isolation in my apartment.
(Suddenly I'm not quite sure what my question is -- it is a breakthrough for me to even post about things.)
What do people do when starting even a basic friendship is so nerve-wracking?
I feel paralyzed and bound to isolation in my apartment.
Best Answer
Hi and welcome to the forum! Being able to move out on your own is wonderful....congratulations! Most people are afraid at some point, so know although it's stronger for you, it's a very common thing to feel shy when meeting people. Often the other person may be just as scared as you are. Start with baby steps, a smile will take you a long way! When you smile at someone not only are you helping yourself but you may have just let someone else know they matter and someone is aware that they exist! If they don't smile back don't take it personally, your smile is the first step is showing others that you are open. Then work on smiling and saying "hi". When you want to start a conversation think of something in common like the weather.....we've got another hot one out there today. The more you do this, the easier it will get. You're a special person, and interesting, you have to realize this and that people will like you for who and what you are. Don't isolate yourself, find things you enjoy doing and get involved. This is a great way to meet others and because you share the same interest....you'll have lots to talk about. Look at it this way...being shy has gotten you no where....so why not throw all caution to the wind and just say what's on your mind? Just go for it! It's great that you feel you can talk to us and it's a big step out of your shell! I think by being on here you will learn that many struggle as you do day to day, and I hope you find comfort and peace in that Even the life of a party may be very sad inside, we have just learned how to "pretend". So know behind every face is a story with issues and problems. We're happy you have shared with us and stick around, there's a lot of good people on here who can share with you as well, and offer some words of wisdom!
I know it's often easier said than done...just work on it...baby steps....I know you can do it!
Thank you for the words of encouragement, and advice. I stay so caught up in my own head I forget that everyone has struggles, to some degree or another, with many of the exact same issues that I do. I've started seeing a psychologist, which I believe will be helpful in getting additional supports.
mammo, I like your "Just go for it!" approach, and I do have days where that's easier said than done, but I think that as I push through the fears it will eventually become easier.
lynn57, I found that there is one primary source in my area which offers the type of community support that you mention, and they are currently booked solid. The area I live in desperately needs more resources, which I'm sure is true of many places. But as I say that, I realize that I haven't put forth enough effort to find out about every option possible...sometimes it's 'easier' for me to just stay unhappy than to really do something about it.
mammo, I like your "Just go for it!" approach, and I do have days where that's easier said than done, but I think that as I push through the fears it will eventually become easier.
lynn57, I found that there is one primary source in my area which offers the type of community support that you mention, and they are currently booked solid. The area I live in desperately needs more resources, which I'm sure is true of many places. But as I say that, I realize that I haven't put forth enough effort to find out about every option possible...sometimes it's 'easier' for me to just stay unhappy than to really do something about it.
I work for an agency that has group homes as part of it's program. Sometimes they offer a situation where you live alone, but have weekly visits by a service coordinator. They organize any services you may need and work with you to find a job. There are supported employment jobs and sheltered workshops. Some of these places are non-profit organizations and some are operated by the state or county. I would see a social worker and try to find the right program for you. Your coordinator would help with counseling and doctor's appointments. Let us know if there is such a program in your area.
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