anxiety/overthinking ruined my brain from DP/DR and I don't know what to do.

[dancingcauldrons]

I'm sorry but I'm going to TRY and make this is as short as possible.. I'm 18 years old and I think stress has permanently ruined my brain from overthinking/depersonalization/derealization disorder. In mid-May of this year I smoked weed and got a panic attack, what had happened was I was thinking deep to myself for a moment about HOW high I was and then all of a sudden I started having a panic attack. My heart was beating very fast, and I thought I was going to die. This was not the first time I had smoked weed btw, I had been smoking weed since I was 16, I wasnt new to it. Anyway, from then on, I was suffering from severe chronic anxiety/depersonalization-derealization disorder. Every single day, every second, I was consciously scared from that traumatic experience, feeling 'spaced out' and detached from myself, which only increased my anxiety even more. After about a couple of weeks I didn't really think about it and it 'went away' I guess you can say, (we are now in the first week of June) and then one day while I was driving I was thinking deep to myself about dreams and such and if my real life experiences were dreams, idk it was weird, and then all of a sudden, I started getting a panic attack, it was so scary. I guess questioning and thinking so philosophically scared the hell out of me. All I can tell you is from that night to about now I constantly feel detached from myself and every second, (if im not distracted or busy with something else) I'm questioning if life is even real, it honestly seems so fake. Another thing I'd like to add is from all of this stress, I feel that it has impaired my memory quite a bit, and my reading comprehension is awful. Also the one thing that I feel that I have developed due to all of this stress I believe is my ability to visualize things in my head. They're not as vivid as it used to be, I used to constantly think of images in my head but now I just sit there with a BLANK mind literally it's just like everything is in my eyes and i dont think of anything at all sometimes.

throughout about the last 6 months or so ive been taking so many vitamins for brain health/memory/multivitamins just to revitalize myself, but nothing ever seems to work. At times I get plenty of sleep and it barely works. I also work out and it barely works. my diet isnt the best, I eat bad but I also eat healthy but ive eaten the same before my traumatic event and I was fine. Its also hard for me to breathe in all the way with my chest sometimes but i dont know if thats a problem at hand. I believe my problem is that i have obsessive tendencies and can't stop questioning 'what if.' everything will be normal, and I'll be like 'what if life isnt real' and then I'll get a weird anxious feeling. I've only smoked about 4 times after the traumatic event, and i regret it, I should stay away from smoking weed. I feel that I ruined my brain, and theres nothing to be done. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to stop overthinking. Im currently a freshman in college and i feel that this is going to affect my schooling, I used to be such a creative bright young boy before all of this and I dont know what to do I need answers :( My mind is literally blank, like essentially blank. I lost my creative side, I cant even visualize memories anymore or conjure up images in my head this is awful. I can't concentrate, it's sometimes hard for me to come up with words in my head, and when I read I don't retain anything sometimes. Like earlier I was thinking of a fan, like that blows out air, and I was talking to my friend and I was saying "Yeah they use a ...... um..... what's it called.... a..... OH a fan, yeah a fan." This is terrible.

Something else to add is that I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and used to take Concerta and Adderall but I dont think thats really going to help with anything since i havent taken concerta since freshmen year of high school. I also believe I have slight OCD but that is undiagnosed, that could have to do with my obsessive tendencies. Also theres no history in my family for Alzheimers, Dementia or Schizophrenia.

[WillWho]

Stop with the vitamins and supplements. Eat healthy instead. You are literally flushing your money down the toilet. Give your body a month to normalize and I suspect your anxieties will be gone.

[Paxiled]

To label all vitamins and supplements as a waste of money is just plain wrong.  Try not to overgeneralize.  If you don't know much about a subject, it's okay to just let it alone.  Many people in the US simply don't eat enough vegetables, and do eat too much of other things than cause imbalances and shortages.  Lack of sun exposure has led to large Vitamin D problems.  Excess dairy consumption has led to a lot of magnesium deficiency problems.  Yes, these could be solved without supplements, but that would take extremely good eating habits and food that isn't old by the time you bite into it.  Our lives aren't like that.  As for supplements, plant medicine is the oldest form.  Most of our drugs came from plants.  If you can get by without the drugs by using the plants you avoid most of the worst side effects.  Again, don't lump everything into one barrel -- they won't fit.

[WillWho]

Actually, Paxilled, I know quite a bit on the topic. Never assume you know more than anyone else. It causes anxiety when you find out otherwise. This area is particularly interesting to me because I have a vitamin deficiency that a pill cannot fix. While in college many years ago, I did a research project on the topic. We started on rats, moved to pigs, and then to humans. Part of the groups received detailed diet instructions that were very strict, the others ate what they wanted and took supplements. Both blood and feces were tested for, I want to say 12, but it could have been 15 vitamins and minerals. The rats and pigs, of course, were fed the diets that matched their dietary needs. With all three species there were some control subjects in each group. The results, within each species, were remarkably similar. The pill enhanced, and the placebo enhanced controls all showed the same thing: the feces was very vitaminy (not the word we used of course) in the group taking vitamins and supplements. The blood work did not show much difference between the placebo part of the vitamin group and the diet group. We did see cholesterol and sodium differences in the vitamin enhanced group when compared to the diet group. We also noted the lower levels of vitamins and supplements in the diet enhanced group.

I prefer to assume if one can find their way here, they know about eating well. If one eats per the food pyramid, one needs no vitamins or supplements. You quite literally flush those down the toilet after a BM. Too much of anything is bad for you. Taking a multivitamin just because the commercials look pretty is the wrong reason to take them. Male bodies require more of some vitamins and minerals than a female body. Every stage of childhood has its very own needs. Unless something is broken in the body, a well balanced and well rounded diet will process and absorb what the body needs.

If you think that you *need* a particular vitamin or supplement, have your doctor check the levels at your next blood test. Vitamin D and Vitamin B12 are two of the most overtaken vitamins, and there is no benefit to the body. Sunshine is not the only way for the body to absorb vitamin D. Taking a pill to get it should be done only if your doctor informs you it is needed.

There are several reasons for a body not having a high enough B12 level. Taking a B12 pill will not help with over 90% of those. The only way to increase the B12 levels, if you have one of those issues, is through B12 injections. One can give themselves the injections. The other roughly 10% only need to eat more meat and more B12 containing vegetables.

[Paxiled]

Look, I didn't mean to offend you, but you really don't know much about vitamins and supplements.  That's clear from your above post.  First, animals don't absorb nutrients the same way people do -- animal studies are a beginning point to human studies, but they don't equate.  Your 90% figure for B12 supplements is made up -- nobody knows that answer.  It's completely untrue that only injections work -- sublingual vitamin B12 is absorbed quite well.  The main problem with B12 is taking the wrong form of supplement -- most are not the form that's best absorbed.  Injections are usually overkill and are most often used for energy, not health.  Sunshine is the only reliable way to get Vitamin D3 -- most of the foods that supposedly contain it actually don't, it's a supplement added to the food, such as fortified dairy products.  If that's working, then the supplement works.  I agree, nobody "needs" vitamins unless they have an absorption problem, but virtually nobody in the US eats that well.  Again, by the time you get that wonderful kale on your plate it's over a week old.  Plants do not do well with time.  As for the fact a lot of vitamins you swallow are evacuated, that's quite true, especially if you take them in a form that isn't well absorbed, but that's also true for drugs, which is why they show up in urine and fecal samples.  It's how our bodies digest food, and a lot of food we eat is going to be digested and evacuated as well before we absorb the nutrients.  But we do absorb enough of it if we eat enough of it, and if we take enough of the vitamin.  But supplements include a lot more than just vitamin supplements -- it's a huge category of mostly foods that have been used as medicine and that provide the basis of most of our medications.  I can tell you that I personally don't get enough sunshine but because I take a D supplement of good quality from a good company I test well for it.  So do thousands of other people who have settled into indoor lives for one reason or another.  I will agree with one thing -- time release vitamins are going to be mostly evacuated and not absorbed.  Now, I managed health food stores for 18 years and I can tell you I had a lot of customers over that time who were successfully treating problems with supplements, but I knew which forms and which manufacturers to give to them.  If you buy over the internet or from drug stores then you do risk poor quality supplements, and some supplements can't be absorbed, so it does take some knowledge to do it right.  Peace.

[Paxiled]

I meant to add, if you look at veterinary medicine, you will see supplements are a huge part of it, especially minerals.  But they use ones made for animals.  Let's just take a very small example in humans -- while it's best to get it in food, Vitamin C supplements helped eliminate scurvy.  They really do work.  Saying they never do might deprive someone of the safest medicine, just as saying they always work would be wrong as well.  

[specialmom]

Hello.  Very sorry you are having a rough time!  College is tricky.  On one hand, it can be such fun--  lots of social opportunities, studying things that are often more interesting, the whole 'college experience', etc.  But it also can be stressful especially if you are sensitive person and a person that puts a lot of pressure on yourself.  Anyway, that's my way of saying, that you have all of this going on while at a vulnerable time of life.  

Anxiety is a bear.  Sounds like you have a good deal.  You've done a good job at realizing that something is going on and your working out, sleeping, taking a good multi vitamin (the rest is probably a bit of overkills . . .) is great.  I agree with Paxiled that NOW is the time to see a good psychologist.  I also think that a psychiatrist is helpful.  You MAY need antidepressant medication that works for anxiety.  Please don't feel bad about that because one in four adults in the US take that kind of medication.  If you need it, you need it.  :>)  And feeling better so you can enjoy college life and do your best is the priority.  Does your school have a clinic?  That would be a good place to check.  And your parents will be an excellent resource as they probably pay your insurance too if you need to go to a therapist/psychiatrist (either or or both).  

Let us know how you are doing.  hugs

[Paxiled]

Not a big deal here, but nobody "needs" antidepressant medication, and it should be particularly avoided if possible for young people whose brains are not yet fully formed.  It can be helpful for people without options, but drugs come with their own problems.  We shouldn't sugarcoat that.  And the only reason so many Americans take these drugs is because of marketing, not need.

[Paxiled]

First, you do realize, I hope, that you're only 18.  The fact you're even aware of dementia at that age shows that you've done too much Googling, as evidenced by your preoccupation with this derealization stuff.  Best thing you can do is forget all about these labels -- they're for insurance companies for billing purposes and mental health professionals to be able to talk to one another, but for you the problem you're having is a common one -- that time stoned brought out something inside of you and you got hung up in a way of thinking that you need to change.  All you have is anxiety.  Nothing else, from what you describe.  If you look at the archives on this forum you will see a whole lot of people who had their first anxiety attacks while stoned, but that doesn't mean you'll get a chronic anxiety problem.  That's probably inside you, as it was with me.  I got my first anxiety attack while stoned, too, but my sister got her anxiety problem despite only dabbling a little in pot.  So it obviously was something in the family and with me, it came out when I was stoned, as it did in you.  Your job now is to see a good psychologist who specializes in anxiety treatment, probably CBT, and work hard at it and get over it.  It's a way of thinking, and if you can change it through hard work it will be gone.  If you can't, then you'll probably have to explore medication, but for now, the good thing is you're very young and therefore very resilient.  And stop Googling symptoms.  And don't use pot anymore no matter how strong the temptation, or at least not until you're well over this way of thinking.  Peace.