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SEVERE agoraphobia/anxiety - can't leave the house
I have had bad anxiety for about 4 years now, but lately I have decided to come off of the meds I was taking for it. I was on Klonopin and Celexa, and decided that they really weren't working for me and they are serious heavy drugs to be taking.
In any case, since I've been completely off both of them (about a week now), I've been going through serious withdrawal. Now, my anxiety level is through the roof! I can't even go outside anymore. I was trying to do driving exercises several times a day, where I would drive to a traffic light and come back home, but I had an anxiety attack doing that and haven't been out since. Now, even as I sit at home all day, every day my anxiety level is so high I can't even think straight anymore. My throat feels like it's closing up and I get so nervous because of it. I haven't been able to eat like I normally do because everything about food makes me want to throw up. My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. And I almost passed out a few times from being so anxious.
I want to try things to help myself not feel like this, but I don't even know where to begin. I've been reading so much about anxiety, etc that I am so lost now as to what to even do. So, I've been basically sitting around my house, trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't freak out. HELP! I can't live like this anymore. I am so deathly afraid of everything at this point!!
In any case, since I've been completely off both of them (about a week now), I've been going through serious withdrawal. Now, my anxiety level is through the roof! I can't even go outside anymore. I was trying to do driving exercises several times a day, where I would drive to a traffic light and come back home, but I had an anxiety attack doing that and haven't been out since. Now, even as I sit at home all day, every day my anxiety level is so high I can't even think straight anymore. My throat feels like it's closing up and I get so nervous because of it. I haven't been able to eat like I normally do because everything about food makes me want to throw up. My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. And I almost passed out a few times from being so anxious.
I want to try things to help myself not feel like this, but I don't even know where to begin. I've been reading so much about anxiety, etc that I am so lost now as to what to even do. So, I've been basically sitting around my house, trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't freak out. HELP! I can't live like this anymore. I am so deathly afraid of everything at this point!!
I really didn't have a plan when I stopped taking my meds. The klonopin, I sort of tapered off, but the celexa I just stopped taking because I ran out and didn't go pick up the next script.
I want to get better and not be on the meds because I want to have a baby in the near future. I don't want to be on anything when I want to try and get pregnant. And the longer I am on the meds, the longer it will be before I can start trying. I know that I can't get pregnant with my anxiety like this, either. There would be no way that I could raise a child with how I am right now because of my anxiety. But having a baby is the one thing I've wanted more than anything else my entire life...and aside from my anxiety issues, I'm in a right place to consider pregnancy now. So pregnancy is such a big motivating factor for me. I just feel so stuck right now.
I was getting my prescriptions from a NP, but I'm not so sure that she always had my best interests at hand. I always feel that way about any sort of doctor, though. I feel like I'm being rushed out of there as soon as I sit down. I've also tried CBT for a while, at different points in my life. I always felt that it didn't help me. I felt that I could tell the therapist what to ask me better than he/she could...like I could do their job. Then I would almost get bored with going because I was on the meds, my anxiety wasn't that bad and I just couldn't see a point in talking about random things throughout my life that could have lead me to where I am today.
Since I wrote my previous post though, I had another breakdown and started my meds again...in very small doses. It helps some, but I am still housebound at this point. Some days are better than others, but I still have such a fear of trying to go anywhere or even just drive around that it keeps me inside. Even taking out the garbage has been such a hassle for me.
A major problem with me is the driving, though. I can imagine that while I get to certain points that I don't like on my travels, that I will go through a major panic attack. I fear that I will get so anxious that I'll pass out and get into an accident. I do feel like I will pass out sometimes and/or throw up and/or become paralyzed with fear that I would be able to even drive my car and be stuck in the middle of the road and then I am freaking out more and more and more because I am so stuck I just can't do anything about it. Phew. That really puts me over the edge. That is a major, major problem and I just don't know how to overcome it.
I want to get better and not be on the meds because I want to have a baby in the near future. I don't want to be on anything when I want to try and get pregnant. And the longer I am on the meds, the longer it will be before I can start trying. I know that I can't get pregnant with my anxiety like this, either. There would be no way that I could raise a child with how I am right now because of my anxiety. But having a baby is the one thing I've wanted more than anything else my entire life...and aside from my anxiety issues, I'm in a right place to consider pregnancy now. So pregnancy is such a big motivating factor for me. I just feel so stuck right now.
I was getting my prescriptions from a NP, but I'm not so sure that she always had my best interests at hand. I always feel that way about any sort of doctor, though. I feel like I'm being rushed out of there as soon as I sit down. I've also tried CBT for a while, at different points in my life. I always felt that it didn't help me. I felt that I could tell the therapist what to ask me better than he/she could...like I could do their job. Then I would almost get bored with going because I was on the meds, my anxiety wasn't that bad and I just couldn't see a point in talking about random things throughout my life that could have lead me to where I am today.
Since I wrote my previous post though, I had another breakdown and started my meds again...in very small doses. It helps some, but I am still housebound at this point. Some days are better than others, but I still have such a fear of trying to go anywhere or even just drive around that it keeps me inside. Even taking out the garbage has been such a hassle for me.
A major problem with me is the driving, though. I can imagine that while I get to certain points that I don't like on my travels, that I will go through a major panic attack. I fear that I will get so anxious that I'll pass out and get into an accident. I do feel like I will pass out sometimes and/or throw up and/or become paralyzed with fear that I would be able to even drive my car and be stuck in the middle of the road and then I am freaking out more and more and more because I am so stuck I just can't do anything about it. Phew. That really puts me over the edge. That is a major, major problem and I just don't know how to overcome it.
Welcome Sarah!
Let me start by saying that I've been in EXACTLY the same place you are, and I know how AWFUL it is. It's so scary, and sad and frustrating. You are among friends who know what you're going through...let that be the first reassurance.
Second...you don't have to be like this. There is help and hope. Did you taper off your meds or just abruptly stop? Did you stop the meds under the guidance of your doc? Were the meds helping at one point?
An EXTREMELY common occurence among us panic attack/anxiety sufferers is that we at some point decide to stop taking meds for one reason or another. Like you, you felt they weren't working as well...for me, I have stopped meds because after years of taking them, I foolishly thought, "HEY! I haven't had anxiety for so long, I don't NEED these meds!". Most of us would rather NOT be on a med long term, but sometimes, it's a necessary evil.
My advice to you is march right back to your doc and discuss your options. Especially if you went off the meds abruptly, that is not a good idea. While you can certainly build a tolerance to these meds over time, usually an occasional small dosage increase will do the trick, sometimes changing meds works too. This is something you should always dicsuss with your doc first before taking drastic measures and going off completely.
You're going through rebound anxiety, which is par for the course after these meds are stopped. The reoccurence of the anxiety sometimes makes the original anxiety look like a walk in the park.
I understand that you don't want to take meds forever. None of us do, but unfortunately, some of us also can barely function without them. I know it was night and day for me. I went from housebound like you to free of anxiety with meds. To ME....that is SO worth taking that pill every day! Also, if you haven't, ask about therapy, preferrably CBT, where you can slowly be exposed to the fearful situations (driving, etc) that are causing the agoraphobia. If you can, seek out a psych for your treatment. They are better to oversee maintaining these meds and progress.
As hard as it is...you need to jump RIGHT back on that horse. If you noticed a significant improvement with the meds (even for a spell), then keep that in your mind...you KNOW you can get back there again. You know how this goes...the longer you wait, the more you avoic...the harder it is. It may be rough taking that first step...but dig deep and find a way!
Make that call to your doc...you can do this. We'll be here to help. Be sure to update us!
Let me start by saying that I've been in EXACTLY the same place you are, and I know how AWFUL it is. It's so scary, and sad and frustrating. You are among friends who know what you're going through...let that be the first reassurance.
Second...you don't have to be like this. There is help and hope. Did you taper off your meds or just abruptly stop? Did you stop the meds under the guidance of your doc? Were the meds helping at one point?
An EXTREMELY common occurence among us panic attack/anxiety sufferers is that we at some point decide to stop taking meds for one reason or another. Like you, you felt they weren't working as well...for me, I have stopped meds because after years of taking them, I foolishly thought, "HEY! I haven't had anxiety for so long, I don't NEED these meds!". Most of us would rather NOT be on a med long term, but sometimes, it's a necessary evil.
My advice to you is march right back to your doc and discuss your options. Especially if you went off the meds abruptly, that is not a good idea. While you can certainly build a tolerance to these meds over time, usually an occasional small dosage increase will do the trick, sometimes changing meds works too. This is something you should always dicsuss with your doc first before taking drastic measures and going off completely.
You're going through rebound anxiety, which is par for the course after these meds are stopped. The reoccurence of the anxiety sometimes makes the original anxiety look like a walk in the park.
I understand that you don't want to take meds forever. None of us do, but unfortunately, some of us also can barely function without them. I know it was night and day for me. I went from housebound like you to free of anxiety with meds. To ME....that is SO worth taking that pill every day! Also, if you haven't, ask about therapy, preferrably CBT, where you can slowly be exposed to the fearful situations (driving, etc) that are causing the agoraphobia. If you can, seek out a psych for your treatment. They are better to oversee maintaining these meds and progress.
As hard as it is...you need to jump RIGHT back on that horse. If you noticed a significant improvement with the meds (even for a spell), then keep that in your mind...you KNOW you can get back there again. You know how this goes...the longer you wait, the more you avoic...the harder it is. It may be rough taking that first step...but dig deep and find a way!
Make that call to your doc...you can do this. We'll be here to help. Be sure to update us!
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