Why do my older children hate me and the other siblings?

[judy63084]

Here goes: I have 7 children, a boy and a girl from my first husband, he was killed in a car wreck when he was 19. The children are now 40 and 38, the other children are a boy 37, a boy 32, a boy 30, then a girl 26, and the baby who is 22, the last three are from the man I have been married to for 31 years.He was never in the home that much so I pretty well raised them on my own. My problem started in Feburary 2005, i was on the road my huisband was an over the trucker and i went with him, well my oldest son came over and was going to buy liquor for my youngest daughter who was only 17 and I told him no he said if I don't some else would. I argued with him for a while he kept hanging up on me all he had to say was mom I wouldn';t do that. So he left me no choice I was 2000 miles away so I called the police and just told them to escort him off my property until I returned home. Well he called me all night and told me what a ***** I was and when I died he would spit on my grave. He told everyone that I abused him and all kinds of fowl things came out of his mouth that never happened.I was willing to forgive and forget, One of his brothers tried to get us back together but it did not work, then we both decided to meet at the park in our town that was good. We talked and hugged and agreed to bury the hatchet. So for about 2 months it was OK, then out of the blue he text me and said he wasn't going to talk to me any more because I don't call him. I was going through a medical problem with a newborn grandson, and I don't call and talk much on the phone anyway. It was not only me he stopped talking to but had nothing to do with any of his siblings except one. Then comes his sister who is 38 she won't speak to me because she was in my business about something and told her she didn't know what she was talking about. So it has been a year next month since she has talked to me. I e-mailed heer one day to see if she was over it and boy, she called me ***** and told things that never happened. How I buy everything for the youngest daughter and favor one of her sons which I don't pay anything for her and if I did she pays me back. My youngest had just moved out on her own after living in my home wioth her youngest son for 5 years so yes I might have paid more attention to him, but she is raing one of my grandsons and pay more attention to him then she does with her other nieces and nephews. Now she hates her younger sister.and they were real close. Why can't they just grow up and love each other without judgement?

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd listen to them without judgment, but I would also see a therapist and work on some of this.  You might be better off distancing yourself, but I'd let the therapist help you decide this.

[Julie359]

I'm sorry to say this but no matter how old our children become they will always act in their heart like little kids with issues about their mum.  Parents are seen like super hero's, indestrucable beings, and they are all craving love and attention from you, even now.  Your son must of been overwhelmingly hurt by you calling the police on him and probably still doesn't fully understand why u did such a thing to him.  Resentment can go on for years, once a seed is laid it grows and festers.  Plus daughters can be very sensitive regarding other sisters and being shown love.  They all love u and want your affection and this is the problem.  Its a complex problem, but I would suggest giving her a ring and simply talking and LISTENING to her, instead of fighting against eachother ask her questions, why do u feel like that? When did this all start? What I can I do to help make this better? And try not to foillow her answers with phrases like that's not true, I never did that, etc etc.. Iot'll get u no where.

I'm not saying that all this is your fault, but being the mother u need to take charge and try a different approach as the one you are currently taking doesn't seem to be effective at the moment. Yes they are adults and we don't know all that has gone on bewteen them all and yourself, but normally the head of the family can help enormously in ironing out situations of bad.

Just listen to them and ask questions without judgement and see where it leads.