do truly gay people ever doubt to themselves that they are gay?

[ihatethiscrap]

im talkin about when they first realize it.. do they ever think "crap what if im gay?" or "i might be gay?" or do they just know it all along.

i think ive been suffering from hocd. ive posted on here a couple times now (people who have replied to my other posts are going to probly get frustrated when they see this one). but ive been told that if i truly was gay i would know. but i dont know.. i THINK. i MIGHT be.. ive had heterosexual experiences. and i thought i liked them. but what if i thought i like that just cus i didnt know i was truly gay and would enjoy a gay experience more?. when i first looked at gay porn it freaked and grossed me out. but i tried it recently and it wasnt as bad as it was.. still id like to think that it was kind of disturbing. but my thoughts are so distorted i think right now that idk what i find disturbing and what i dont.. i dont want to be gay.. but its startin to feel inevitable.

now when i get gay thoughts i think maybe its not so much hocd as repressed feelings that im ashamed of? i know these sound like the typical hocd questions but i just cant put down in writing what im truly going thru it feels like..

new people reading this read my other posts too if you like and tell me what you think. id appreciate it..

and ps. im guna see a counselor as soon as i get to school.. i just want a few more questions answered..

[JGF25]

Hello again....just wanted to say that I saw that you responded to a post just like yours.  This should make you feel a little better in that others, like I said before, have these same thoughts.  I think that the two of you should talk through messages.  You are both going through the same thing and perhaps talking will help you both...like a form of therapy but without the degree!  Anyway, make sure to still go to the counselor.  Keep us posted.  

[ihatethiscrap]

no i have never considered being bisexual.. if anything id rather be asexual.. im never going to experiment or do anything with other guys even if i do turn out to be gay anyways i think thatd just be too weird..

[BluCrystal]

I agree with mammo, and would like to ask if you have considered the possibilty that you may be bisexual?  Trust me, there is NOTHING wrong with WHATEVER your preference turns out to be.  I only ask because I am bisexual myself, so I know what it's like, which happily turns out to be the best of both worlds. - Blu

[mammo]

I have read your other posts and feel it could be either and that's where therapy plays such an important role.  You need help in sorting thru your feelings and that's when and how you will learn more about what it is you're feeling.  Be patient with yourself and just wait and see how this all turns out.

[ihatethiscrap]

mammo,
thanks for replyin. did u read my other posts? what do you think it is hocd or just denial?

[mammo]

I have  a few gay friends and the men say they always knew, but a female friend of mine in her 40's who has been in nothing but gay relationships still wonders if she is truly gay.  So, I think you're doing the right thing in getting into counseling.  You need this so you can truly sort thru your feelings.  It's difficult to say if you're gay and this scares or disgusts you.......it shouldn't.  Or you're not gay but are afraid that you are because of the stigma that can go along with it.  You owe it to yourself to know for sure so you can find peace inside.  No matter what you discover be proud of who you are and hold your head high!  You are who you are and that's what's important.  Be true to yourself, you're the only person you need to please.  It sounds like you're over-whelmed with the different feelings and emotions, in counseling you can sort thru these one by one and emerge a stronger person knowing who you are.  I wish you all the best.