Sexuality doubt or anxiety?? pz answer this is urgent

[cece_jome]

I'm a teenage girl currently going through confusion and anxiety over sexuality. I always thought I was straight, but now my mind has convinced me that I'm not. I truly do not want to be lesbian or bi. And I have nothing against those of you who are, I just want to live a heterosexual lifestyle. And please don't say what's wrong with being gay because I know nothing is wrong with it I just don't want that. Until this summer, I was hundred percent positive that I was straight. 'Since I was young, I only had crushes on guys, fantasize about them, and would grab my pillow and pretend I was kissing one. Never once have I questioned my sexuality before. During this summer, my anxiety triggered when I randomly selected a video of a popular youtuber coming out. It also triggered when my mom and I were joking around, and I bit her leg as a joke. She then looked at me and asked if I was gay. I was kinda startled and scared when she asked that because I couldn't believe she said that. It even offended me a little bit, since my mom told me how she would bite family members herself when she was young. Plus, biting is something I would do growing up. P.S. I know this sounds weird please don't judge... and I'm not joking about this. 


Up until this summer, my mind has been telling me that I'm gay or planting this seed that I need to come out. Each day I check on the internet to read signs about homosexuality, but I just don't seem to fit the description. I feel so confused right now. It's like I don't know if I'm gay or not. I think deep down I'm straight but all this confusion is making me think otherwise. To be honest, being straight seems so natural to me, to be anything otherwise is just uncomforable.  I believe my family would accept me if I was gay, even though it wud be hard. I keep checking on the web to see if this is normal, and found i could be suffering from  HOCD.I believe i have it, but i worry i could be in denial. Sometimes I watch porn and have felt aroused to lesbian porn, but i also get aroused by other porn. I did stop watching porn due to my confusion about my sexuality. However, i recently started back watching lesbian porn but wasnt that intrigued by it like I use to be. Also, I've taken many sexuality quizzes, including the Kinsey Scale, and all my results were Heterosexual. My mind constantly thinks I could be lesbian, which I don't get nervous about anymore. And it worries me that I don't get nervous about that anymore. I do feel uncomfortable about the thought of being lesbian feel the need to push it out of my head. Sometimes, I feel like if  I sit, talk, or dress certain gay manner, then i need to change it. I don't believe being a lesbian fits me, and if I happened to be with a girl, i would end up feeling more like friends than lovers.My family says I have a tendency to worry about stuff. I am currently crushing on a boy but I don't have intense feelings for him or get nervous around him which concerns me because I've read that other lesbians or bi people have dated guys in the past but haven't had intense feelings for them. Before this all happened, I was never concerned about this and my feelings for boys were so intense, but now my sex drive has kinda decreased. Let me emphasize that I hope this is something else and not me actually in denial of being a homosexual. The thing is being straight feels natural too me and I probably know deep down that I'm straight but my mind is trying to convince me that I'm not. Please be nice about it. I'm really worried!   
P.S.  Im nervous because I'm not as panicky like I use to be, and fear this is me accepting myself as a homosexual when i don't want that. Is this normal. Am I or do I sound straight?

cece_jome | 1 hour

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[Paxiled]

Your issues are being repeated a lot lately by young people.  And the answer is always the same -- you're attracted to who you're attracted to.  You seem to be attracted to men, not women.  The thinking about being gay seems entirely intellectual, not attraction.  Most people go through this kind of questioning at some point from their teens to their twenties, often due to some event such as a break up or just discovering their sexuality when they had not prior thoughts about it.  This will sort itself out, and any way it comes out is fine, so you can't lose.  You can only lose by worrying about it to the point of unhappiness.  HOCD is a term I find meaningless -- all thought imbalances are caused by obsessing on certain thoughts, so coming up with a name for it is just a way for diagnosticians and drug companies to get paid by insurance companies -- they have to fit in a box.  You don't.  The labels aren't meaningful, how you think and how it makes you feel thinking that way is.

[drifter0213]

your confused like paxiled said it will reveal itself eventually and if you experiment be sure its for the right reason :)

[brice1967]

The question is impossible for an outsider to answer with any real confidence.  Like the above posters said, it will come to you when it comes to you.  Happiness is where you find it.  With that being said, don't let someone else control your happiness.

Something else to think about.  Do not let your sexuality "define" you.  When you consider yourself only as "gay", "straight" or "bi" you've completely eliminated everything else you could be.  Things like a good friend, smart, quality leader, funny, pretty, loving, honest, giving, worthy of others love, considerate, and just about everything else.

I think at your age there is a lot of stuff going on at the metaphysical level and I would never be able to understand.  What is important is your health.  if your not healthy, you can't be anything else.  Have you considered speaking to a mental health professional about any of this?

It should be kept on your radar.