what is actually wrong with me?!?!?!

[lily12419]

i get very mixed deep daydreams that i uncontrollably fall into without control, and they mix from totally random thoughts, feelings, and also scary intrusive thoughts that i have to battle away with my normal thoughts, it is only the scary awful thoughts that make me panic, i dont feel in a panic but more just zoned out when im having one of these day dreams.

the daydreams make me feel out of reality and that ive blocked off my normal self from being human, then i have to switch back into reality.

i also get thoughts that are intrusive that link to things ive done like 'did i act normal there' 'did i say the wrong thing' and i feel like i behave off a tangent the same as how my thoughts behave off a tangent.

i have to constantly remind myself im not going to fall into these intrusive blurred thoughts and be stuck with them forever, but when im experiencing them i feel asif im actually mental.

along side them i also get feelings of just not actually being me, like an inpulse in my imagination tangent of feeling like someone else, sometimes how a friend behaves il feel like it for a split second, or like im out of character just genuinally, and any of the times i have to force myself back into the real me, its literally just a feeling of not being myself and being off in a blur of mixed feelings when im talking to someone or in my own world.

i sometimes also feel like when i dont feel like myself, i find i feel like im faking myself and my emotions and its hard to express them in my head all though i can easily do it on the outside, its really frustrating because i know inside that i love the people i love but sometimes i feel like i have to tell them like with my boyfriend i was sat on the sofa today with him and had to sit closer and tell him i love him because i started to think what if i dont love him? then tell myself thats ridiculous. its very very frustrating! its like i get a tangent of feelings that arent me, theyre sort of a mental physical block that i find gets in the way of my normal healthy thinking waves.

when i am on this tangent i feel also that i lack motivation, allthough again somewhere else in my head i have to remind myself i can be normal and motivate myself, all though the daydreaming makes my head feel lazy and tired. i also feel very scatty at times and forgetful.

i feel like in this world when i cant feel like myself, i dont feel scared but just mixed up and confused on whats going on, and just frustration basuically.

i dont even know whats wrong with me now, because i used to think i had anxiety but this has been occuring more regulary the past week or so and i even get confused if im back to my normal state or not..

just someone help please :(

[lily12419]

yes ive considered it to be this and i really hope it is and nothing more scary.

thankyou for your advise :)

[RubyWitch]

It sounds to me like you may be suffering from what those of us with anxiety and panic call "depersonalization," or "derealization."
This can be, and usually is, a very frightening experience.

Depersonalization is defined as a state in which one loses the feeling of one's own identity in relation to others in one's family or peer group, or loses the feelings of one's own reality.

Derealization is defined as an alteration in one's perception of the environment such that things that are ordinarily familiar seem strange, unreal or two-demensional.

I am NOT a doctor and this is by no means a diagnosis of what is going on with you. This is very much just my opinion. I suggest you see your doctor and explain what you've been feeling. It's possible he/she may refer you to a therapist who can help you.
Just in case the thought has crossed your mind, you are NOT going crazy and this CAN be fixed.
You'll be fine, but you need to reach out for professional help.
Peace
Greenlydia