Scared sick

[Jen1967]

Last Wed. a breast surgeon told me I might have cancer and if I do I need to get a masectomy. I found a lump on the outside of my left breast the beginning of this month. I was expecting my period and I just had stopped nursing 2 months ago so I thought it was hormonal. It didn't go away so I called my gyno and she sent me to get an ultrasound. While getting the test they had me immediately go get a mammogram. They found a 2 cm mass and pre-calcifications (as the gyno said) all around it. So I saw a breast surgeon 2 days later and he was very blunt. He said he "didn't like what he saw" and did a needle biopsy right then in the office. I won't know the results until next Wed whether it's cancer or not. I am freaking out - and so is my mother. I have 4 little kids under 9 years old. I am so scared of leaving them. I know that nothing is firm yet but by the way the surgeon talks it doesn't look good. He said that if it's not bc then he will do a lumpectomy but a huge amount of the breast will be taken out. I will also need chemo and/or radiation. If it is bc then I need a masectomy. For 3 days I have been nauseous and can't eat - all I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about it. My husband was on a business trip while this was happening and I have been here alone with my kids. My mom has been over trying to help take care of us all but she is so upset it's not good for me - I have to tell her it will be ok. The first day after he did the biopsy they never told me to take it easy  when I got home (I did laundry and picked up the baby)  so that night I had to change the bandage by myself and I nearly passed out on the  bathroom floor. I kept getting cold sweats and feeling like I could throw up. That has subsided but I guess it was my mental state controlling my body. My breast is all purple and bruised. I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking of my kids and all the plans we had - they are getting done school soon so that wont be an issue but my husband works so much and he isn't home a whole lot so I will have to depend on friends and family. I feel like I just want to hibernate in my house. I dont want to go out or see anyone. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I nursed all these babies for a year each - I thought that was supposed to cut the bc risk by 10% each. Ha! What a load. The other thing is that 20 years ago I had a lump there and bleeding from the nipple. The breast surgeon I went to - who was apparently one of the best in Philadelphia - took me off the pill and I never had a problem again. But why didnt my gyno tell me to get a mammogram earlier? Was this lump hiding all this time and because of my hormonal shifts and stress (from moving into a new-yet unfinished completely- house) flared it up? I am so crazed with worry. I really needed to let it out. I read Tracy's whole post and found it very informative and the women that responded were just wonderful.

-Jen

[mond]

thanks so much for replying x im booked 4a mammogram in the morning of the 4th june then another appointment in afternoon same day with the surgical department and specilist x its so reasureing that there r many diferent types ov lumps it really helps me 2 talk 2 people i havent any1 really xx did u have bc in your right breast then x

[HazelLynn]

Hi, I am sorry that you are going through this.  Its such a worry especially with children involved, its bad enough I would think even if there arent any children involved.  You are doing the best thing, having it checked, the sooner you are  checked, the sooner you are treated and can then continue to be happy with your little girl.  Have you had a mammogram and ultrasound yet?  I had a mastectomy for my right breast, but my left breast was full of lumps and bumps - I had fibroids, cysts, microcysts, a benign nodule - lumpy but fine, so there are many different types of lumps, the main thing is that whatever it is, you are getting it seen to - help is on your side now.  I pray that its all alright.  Please let me know how you get on and have lots of fun with Daisy.
Hazel

[mond]

hi iv read your posts such kind words iv been reading on another forum because a few weeks ago a scan showed i had a mass in my overy im awaiting appointment 4a laparoscopy that was scairy enough but nothin compaired 2 the total fright ov beeing told the lump iv jus found in my left boob is very suspisous my gp does nt think its a cyst its the size ov a jaw breaker sweet ,best i can describe it iv got a biopsi booked 4 wednesday does any1  now if this lump could b anything else but bc i cant eat sleep all i think about is my little girl daisy its just me and her always has been im totally panacked xx

[HazelLynn]

Hi Jen,  Just to say that I am thinking of you today. My prayers are with you and your family.
Hazel

[WorkingThroughIt]

Hi...

gosh, what to add that hasn't already been said?  finding a lump, going to a surgeon who says "I don't like it", having a needle biopsy and now the waiting... of course you're going to react in ways that might seem like a crazy woman to others.  But I can tell you, and the other sisters here will affirm with their own stories, that you are reacting very normally in what is most certainly a very abnormal situation.

I saw in an earlier post from you that you had questions about various treatment experiences. For me, I decided to have a bilateral skin-sparing mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.  What this means is this: the surgeon makes a small incision and removes the nipple, and then removes the tumor.  After, all of the breast tissue is removed, but the skin remains.  A reconstructive plastic surgeon is right there to reconstruct the breast.  A silicone implant is inserted under the pectoral muscle (just like for those ladies who have had breast enlargement), and once the placement is just so, the reconstructive surgeon closes using what looks like a bakers-purse stitch.  The skin is smoothed over, and you're chest is then wrapped up like a mummy and a simply delightful surgical bra is put on you.  And voila!  When you wake up, you have a new breast.  It's been 1 1/2 years since I had my surgery, and let me tell you something - my reconstructed breast looks and feels so very fine that I really, really wish I had done them both!!!  I was sore for a few days, but by the end of the first week I felt good.  Tired, but good.

6-weeks after my surgery I started chemo.  My cancer was ER-PR+ and HER-.  It was moderately aggressive, and 1.9 cm.  I had no lymph nodes affected.  But, it was invasive within the breast tissue.  So I had to have chemo.  I had 4 rounds of what is called AC - adriamyicin and cytoxan.  these are two of the oldest breast-cancer drugs around; they've been used for 30 years.  I won't lie to you and say it was a walk in the park.  I have a very sensitive stomach and even on my best days I can end up feeling a tad green simply because I had 1 cup of tea too many.  There are some truly excellent drugs available now to combat the nausea that chemo brings with it.  The trick is taking the med's exactly as the doctor tells  you to.  IF you have BC and IF you have to have chemo, your nurses and your doctors will do everything they can to ensure that you are comfortable. And then of course your sisters here will be cheering you on each day.

We are all rooting for you, no matter what you hear from your doctor tomorrow.  And please remember: there is no "right" way to respond when facing a possible diagnosis of BC.  give yourself a break, indulge in the tears and acknowledge the fear.  Then get on with it.  To quote The Home Depot:  "You Can Do It.  We Can Help."

Blessings of comfort and mercy to you and yours.....

[Irishgal2]

Hi Jen,

Good luck tomorrow.  Come what may you will face it head on and get through it.  I pray you get good news.  I too can remember the waiting and like many have said, I too found that the worst part of it all.  Once confirmed it was then a case of ok lets get rid of it and get on with life.
Just to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel, I have come through the other side.  19th March last year aged 39 I was diagnoised with Grade 3, 1.9cm, node negative invasive ductular cancer.  I was ER and PR positive and Her2 negative.  My treatment lasted 8 months to the day.  I finished my last session of radiation on 19th November.  At the beginning it seems like it was going to take ages, but I have to say it went faster than I thought. Like you I have young kids.  My eldest was 4 at the time and the baby 22 months. I also breast fed both my kids, yeah so much for that reducing the risks!!

Anyway I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation and now on hormone drugs for 5 years and thankfully have no side effects from the hormone drugs.

It is amazing where you find the strength from, but trust me you will.  Having children will be a godsent to you because it will make you get on with life, keep fighting and getting up out of bed and looking after them, because that is just what Mom's do.  Don't get me wrong, you will have your bad days, but so too you will have good ones.  Take all the help offered to you, people can be so kind.  It is now that you really need your family and friends.  

We are all here on this community for every stage you go through. BC has become part of my life which my family and I live with.  Having said that, it makes us appreciate the little things more and live life more.  My kids get more hugs and kisses now and I don't stress about small things anymore.  I am learning to live with BC and all that it entails.  I will never take my health for granted again, but on the other hand my experience with BC has changed a lot of lives close to me and I have to say for the better.  My friends all appreciate what they have more now and we now spend more time together.  Of course I wish it was not ME who got the BC, but it was and so life must go on.........

I'll say a prayer for you tonight.