Aa
EXHAUSTED MOM
Hi I´ve been talking about my son in other posts. We´re having a hard time dealing with my almost 4 yr. old boy.
He recently had a sister, she is 6 mos. old.
I spend most of the time caring for him, I´m a stay at home mom. He goes to school and is doing fine, in his final evaluation for this year the teacher said only good things about him. I know that at the end of the school year he got punishments for hiting his schoolmates but the teacher said that it was nothing to be concerned about.
The main things are that at home he will have outbursts of terrible behavior. He will hit or start bothering baby sister all the time, trying to wake her up or screaming when shé´s asleep, punching her in the stomach (not all the time), pulling her cheeks, etc I know about sibling jealousy but is this normal? I tell him all the time not to do it, that shés little, that he´s the big one, that he should care for her and protect her, he doesn´t obey.
Another problem is separation anxiety, he truly believes mom and dad will abandon him. He´s terrified of being alone.
He screams a lot, says bad words and is presenting another problem which is refusing food as if to prove he is stronger, that he controls it.
This whole situation truly brings me to tears, I see other children progressing and my son seems to have a thousand million problems. I´m exhausted, I try a lot, I prepare his favorite menu for lunch and almost everything ends up in the trash can. He has been losing weight in the past years but is growing "fine" according to the doctor.
He is a talented liitle boy, I love him dearly but I feel as ifI´m failing, I see my friends kids doing fine and I feel terrible, I think I´ve made no progress. He behaves worse and worse everyday and each thing becomes a battle, dressing, brushing teeth, having breakfast, it´s so exhausting. Is everyone having such a hard time?
He recently had a sister, she is 6 mos. old.
I spend most of the time caring for him, I´m a stay at home mom. He goes to school and is doing fine, in his final evaluation for this year the teacher said only good things about him. I know that at the end of the school year he got punishments for hiting his schoolmates but the teacher said that it was nothing to be concerned about.
The main things are that at home he will have outbursts of terrible behavior. He will hit or start bothering baby sister all the time, trying to wake her up or screaming when shé´s asleep, punching her in the stomach (not all the time), pulling her cheeks, etc I know about sibling jealousy but is this normal? I tell him all the time not to do it, that shés little, that he´s the big one, that he should care for her and protect her, he doesn´t obey.
Another problem is separation anxiety, he truly believes mom and dad will abandon him. He´s terrified of being alone.
He screams a lot, says bad words and is presenting another problem which is refusing food as if to prove he is stronger, that he controls it.
This whole situation truly brings me to tears, I see other children progressing and my son seems to have a thousand million problems. I´m exhausted, I try a lot, I prepare his favorite menu for lunch and almost everything ends up in the trash can. He has been losing weight in the past years but is growing "fine" according to the doctor.
He is a talented liitle boy, I love him dearly but I feel as ifI´m failing, I see my friends kids doing fine and I feel terrible, I think I´ve made no progress. He behaves worse and worse everyday and each thing becomes a battle, dressing, brushing teeth, having breakfast, it´s so exhausting. Is everyone having such a hard time?
Well, let me know if sensory is something that continues to surface as the culprit. I will tell you that our son was diagnosed by an occupational therapist who specializes in snsory and he attends OT once a week. He is doing phenomonally well. Really, it is amazing what the early intervention has done for him. He was diagnosed at 4 and is now 6. School is going very well, he has friends and interacts as "one of the guys", learns well at school. At home, we have strategies to deal with off putting behavior that really work and he is like a different child.
The key with sensory is working on the nervous system to calm it down so that a child can then maintain himself. By doing this, behavior always gets better. Much of what they do is called "heavy work" but is play through physical activity. If you'd like any suggestions of things you can incorporate into your play with him that works on the nervous system--------- let me know. My son is much calmer after swimming, for example.
So, let me know if you would like any info.
But even if sensory is not involved, sometimes just talking to another mom and saying-------- boy, my son can be difficult sometimes will make for good conversation and help us not feel so alone. good luck
The key with sensory is working on the nervous system to calm it down so that a child can then maintain himself. By doing this, behavior always gets better. Much of what they do is called "heavy work" but is play through physical activity. If you'd like any suggestions of things you can incorporate into your play with him that works on the nervous system--------- let me know. My son is much calmer after swimming, for example.
So, let me know if you would like any info.
But even if sensory is not involved, sometimes just talking to another mom and saying-------- boy, my son can be difficult sometimes will make for good conversation and help us not feel so alone. good luck
You are more than welcome, im so glad that you feel a sense of relief since posting, yes this web-site has given me a life line more than once as well i can tell ya, this web-site is great!
Also see how putting boundarys in place and sticking to them makes a happier child, children feel so much more secure in the knowledge that there is someone making decisions for them, discipline, routine and love will make a happy child.
Good-luck to you and your family n hopefully chat some more soon. God bless
Also see how putting boundarys in place and sticking to them makes a happier child, children feel so much more secure in the knowledge that there is someone making decisions for them, discipline, routine and love will make a happy child.
Good-luck to you and your family n hopefully chat some more soon. God bless
To specialmom :
Thank you, you know what the psychologist gave us a questionnaire to fill out cause at one point she suspected sensory processing disorder. No diagnosis yet, we´re figuring out if the kind of therapy the psychologist suggests is the appropiate one for my family.
I promise I won´t fear what anyone has to say about my child´s behavior. I´m doing my best.
Thank you, you know what the psychologist gave us a questionnaire to fill out cause at one point she suspected sensory processing disorder. No diagnosis yet, we´re figuring out if the kind of therapy the psychologist suggests is the appropiate one for my family.
I promise I won´t fear what anyone has to say about my child´s behavior. I´m doing my best.
You know what----------- I want you to feel less inhibited with your friends. I have a boy with sensory integration disorder. He can be quite a handful. I used to be very sensitive about it and wanted to give the appearance that all was perfect. That my child was perfect. I think by doing that I actually put stress up on myself on a play date, at the park or wherever other mom's and families were. When I started opening up about things being difficult . . . well, boy------- I never knew. So many other families have challenges and issues and we can all commiserate. I belonged to a mother's group for over a year and sat at a table with another mom the whole time. (kids did fun activities while the mom's took an hour break and socialized). Well, we started talking one day at this meeting and it turns out that her son had the same diagnosis as my son. We never knew because we never had talked about any "issues". When I told her she got tears in her eyes because she had been really struggling emotionally with it. SHE needed someone to talk to.
So my point is, people have their own "stuff" and you shouldn't be afraid to talk about how hard it is some days and that all is not perfect. I've found that to be very freeing and it took a lot of pressure off of me (and probably my son as well. No more holding my breath to see what he is going to do . . .).
good luck
So my point is, people have their own "stuff" and you shouldn't be afraid to talk about how hard it is some days and that all is not perfect. I've found that to be very freeing and it took a lot of pressure off of me (and probably my son as well. No more holding my breath to see what he is going to do . . .).
good luck
Thank you Julie so much for your words. It truly feels like a pat in the shoulder.
You don´t know how much finding this website has helped me. Sometimes we´re just so immersed in the situation that it feels like I´m living under a foggy sky.
It all clears up with everyones support and advice.
Yes I am married, no I don´t get enough emotional support or backing up when disciplining J. My husband leaves the house at 800 in the morning and comes back at around 8 30. My son only has dinner with dad and sometimes takes a shower with him. He is an easily distractable man and for example in social situations he will not discipline because he is too engaged in adult conversation and most of the time doesn´t notice. He works out of the city and drives a lot so when he is home he sleeps early, we don´t much of a chance to talk, and he isn´t very talkative either. Don´t get me wrong he loves his son and is an excellent dad, it´s just that he spends time at work.
J has progressed in some areas since I´ve been first posting but yeah maybe I´m being too harsh upon myself. It´s just that I couldn´t forgive myself if I spoiled my child or things didn´t turn out with him the way I want to.
The thousand million problems that I refer to are separation anxiety, bullying other kids, extreme shyness/aggressiveness and bad behavior. J will not say even hi to anyone he doesn´t know, he is a fearful and anxious child. On the other side he is a master child engineer, talented to learn and fun to be with (when he complies). He is very talkative and uber intelligent.
About my friends yes it is sad, I do have 2 friends with whom I have talked about disciplining our children but it´s not like you can cry with them about the whole situation.
I´m positive that if I try so hard everyday things have to work out. Today J was much happier even though I was tough on discipline, but he enjoyed very much painting with me and going to the park. It was so rewarding to see his smile brighten the room.
Now that I´m writing I´m positive that we have to work on a lot of things as a family and things will get better. About the maids I´ve told them (in front of J) that they have to let me know if any kind of bad behavior suscitates while I´m in the shower or elsewhere for me to take action.
Thank you so much again, you can´t imagine how much it is appreciated.
You don´t know how much finding this website has helped me. Sometimes we´re just so immersed in the situation that it feels like I´m living under a foggy sky.
It all clears up with everyones support and advice.
Yes I am married, no I don´t get enough emotional support or backing up when disciplining J. My husband leaves the house at 800 in the morning and comes back at around 8 30. My son only has dinner with dad and sometimes takes a shower with him. He is an easily distractable man and for example in social situations he will not discipline because he is too engaged in adult conversation and most of the time doesn´t notice. He works out of the city and drives a lot so when he is home he sleeps early, we don´t much of a chance to talk, and he isn´t very talkative either. Don´t get me wrong he loves his son and is an excellent dad, it´s just that he spends time at work.
J has progressed in some areas since I´ve been first posting but yeah maybe I´m being too harsh upon myself. It´s just that I couldn´t forgive myself if I spoiled my child or things didn´t turn out with him the way I want to.
The thousand million problems that I refer to are separation anxiety, bullying other kids, extreme shyness/aggressiveness and bad behavior. J will not say even hi to anyone he doesn´t know, he is a fearful and anxious child. On the other side he is a master child engineer, talented to learn and fun to be with (when he complies). He is very talkative and uber intelligent.
About my friends yes it is sad, I do have 2 friends with whom I have talked about disciplining our children but it´s not like you can cry with them about the whole situation.
I´m positive that if I try so hard everyday things have to work out. Today J was much happier even though I was tough on discipline, but he enjoyed very much painting with me and going to the park. It was so rewarding to see his smile brighten the room.
Now that I´m writing I´m positive that we have to work on a lot of things as a family and things will get better. About the maids I´ve told them (in front of J) that they have to let me know if any kind of bad behavior suscitates while I´m in the shower or elsewhere for me to take action.
Thank you so much again, you can´t imagine how much it is appreciated.
Well done for keeping control in the supermarket, see once a child know's that no means no, they will stop playing up and do as they are told. Well done!!!
You say that you try and try but fail, well i think you may be being too hard upon yourself. Now i dont know your situation, i dont know what kind of environment your in or if you have loads of support from your husband (if you are indeed married) or you are a single mum etc... but from what you have wrote i can tell you do love and care about your family EVERY much. I can see that you want nothing but the best for your little boy and your desire is to have a happy, functioning family to be proud of. Alot of mums in this world couldn't care less whether their children grow up to be functioning citizens in this world, they let them do what ever they please and as a result they grow ferrel and end up struggling and causing nothing but misery to all those around them.
Also again i dont know the reason for you being mentally exausted, whether it is purely just trying to lok after the kids that is causing the tiredness or you have other problems that is taking up your mental energy but maybe you should think about going to see a counselor of some kind, someone who you can talk to about the deep worrisome thoughts that your having. If you feel you can't talk to your friends about things like your sons behaviour then that is quite worrying as it shows your friends are very judgemental and it also shows that you live in a society where a certain high class is expected, that everyone is trying to keep up a first class apparance and not show weakness... am i wrong?
You are lucky in that you are able to afford to have maids to take the weight of housework and kitchen duties off your shoulders, that must help a great deal with lightening the burden. I know a mutitude of families that would die to have such a privilage.
I think you all as whole family unit will be fine, you have the love and desire in your heart and with support you will see that things soon improve. Take care and yeah keep us informed. God bless
You say that you try and try but fail, well i think you may be being too hard upon yourself. Now i dont know your situation, i dont know what kind of environment your in or if you have loads of support from your husband (if you are indeed married) or you are a single mum etc... but from what you have wrote i can tell you do love and care about your family EVERY much. I can see that you want nothing but the best for your little boy and your desire is to have a happy, functioning family to be proud of. Alot of mums in this world couldn't care less whether their children grow up to be functioning citizens in this world, they let them do what ever they please and as a result they grow ferrel and end up struggling and causing nothing but misery to all those around them.
Also again i dont know the reason for you being mentally exausted, whether it is purely just trying to lok after the kids that is causing the tiredness or you have other problems that is taking up your mental energy but maybe you should think about going to see a counselor of some kind, someone who you can talk to about the deep worrisome thoughts that your having. If you feel you can't talk to your friends about things like your sons behaviour then that is quite worrying as it shows your friends are very judgemental and it also shows that you live in a society where a certain high class is expected, that everyone is trying to keep up a first class apparance and not show weakness... am i wrong?
You are lucky in that you are able to afford to have maids to take the weight of housework and kitchen duties off your shoulders, that must help a great deal with lightening the burden. I know a mutitude of families that would die to have such a privilage.
I think you all as whole family unit will be fine, you have the love and desire in your heart and with support you will see that things soon improve. Take care and yeah keep us informed. God bless
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Your advice is great! To your question he does sometimes get his stuffed animals taken away for hitting his sister. Yesterday he got a 4 min. timeout for punching her in the stomach. It depends on the severity of
his misbehavior. I see it clearly now that no kind of bothering sister can be allowed.
About the maids we got 2 new maids now but mostly they take care of cleaning the house and I take care of the kids. He likes to sit and play with one of them, he asks her a lot to sit down and play. Before we settled with these maids we had 2 others (first one and then another) that were no good and left. I hope that now we establish some stability in the house with this ladies. Since I hear him ask the maid to sit down wit him and play I try to always sit down with him and play when baby naps. But somehow we always engage in a kind of fight even during play.
Today I regained control at the supermarket. He wanted to seat in the big part of the cart, but he stands up and gets down, runs around, puts all sorts of unwanted items in the cart. I told him you´re sitting here and that´s it. He tried to stand up, I said if you do get down you´re not egetting anything at the supermarket (sometimes he buys popsicles or something). He still wanted to get up and said that it hurt. I told him that he was gonna stay there. After 5 min. I finally got him distracted and it worked.
Yes, support groups and forums are more popular in the U.S. About the difficulties with my child I cannot talk to friends about this whole situation as it only will get him labeled and even not invited to playdates. He has already fought with some of their kids during playdates. My mom and mother in law are my biggest confidantes.
About his happiness and security, to Julie I must add that he is a very shy child, probably because of this whole situation.
About my exhaustion, I probably didn´t refer to it properly: of course I feel physically fatigued running around but it´s more of an emotional rundown, an emotional exhaustion. To try and try and fail. To question yourself what have I done wrong? The situation with my kid makes me sometimes wake up in the morning with a feeling of anguish, of having the certainty that my kid is having problems.
I´ll keep on writing to let you know. Thank you so much.
his misbehavior. I see it clearly now that no kind of bothering sister can be allowed.
About the maids we got 2 new maids now but mostly they take care of cleaning the house and I take care of the kids. He likes to sit and play with one of them, he asks her a lot to sit down and play. Before we settled with these maids we had 2 others (first one and then another) that were no good and left. I hope that now we establish some stability in the house with this ladies. Since I hear him ask the maid to sit down wit him and play I try to always sit down with him and play when baby naps. But somehow we always engage in a kind of fight even during play.
Today I regained control at the supermarket. He wanted to seat in the big part of the cart, but he stands up and gets down, runs around, puts all sorts of unwanted items in the cart. I told him you´re sitting here and that´s it. He tried to stand up, I said if you do get down you´re not egetting anything at the supermarket (sometimes he buys popsicles or something). He still wanted to get up and said that it hurt. I told him that he was gonna stay there. After 5 min. I finally got him distracted and it worked.
Yes, support groups and forums are more popular in the U.S. About the difficulties with my child I cannot talk to friends about this whole situation as it only will get him labeled and even not invited to playdates. He has already fought with some of their kids during playdates. My mom and mother in law are my biggest confidantes.
About his happiness and security, to Julie I must add that he is a very shy child, probably because of this whole situation.
About my exhaustion, I probably didn´t refer to it properly: of course I feel physically fatigued running around but it´s more of an emotional rundown, an emotional exhaustion. To try and try and fail. To question yourself what have I done wrong? The situation with my kid makes me sometimes wake up in the morning with a feeling of anguish, of having the certainty that my kid is having problems.
I´ll keep on writing to let you know. Thank you so much.
First i will say sorry that your having a bad time right now and i do hope that with time, patience this will get better.
There are a few things i picked up on in what you have wrote that he may be playing upon. You say your exausted and don't get me wrong being a full time mum with two kids is exausting but what is proberly happening is because you don't have the energy to stand up to his constant demands, by saying NO to him, you give in to him after he kicks off and so this is telling him that if i throw a tantrum i will get my own way eventually.
Also your saying you try to please him by making his favourite foods to temp him but it only ends up in the trash can.... your right in what your saying cause he is trying to control the situation and right now he is, he is controling you and becuase of your situation with being pulled in several directions and being tired your letting him as you feel it will be easier than standing firm and having a full on war with him.
Unfortunately the only way your going to take back control of your child is by becoming far stronger, standing up to him and sticking by your word of NO! If he does anything you do not like or he does not comply with you then you need to put that extra energy into making him comply with you. If he starts screaming and shouting trying to wake up the baby, first explain to him why he should be quiet then tell him that if he does not be quiet you will place him in another room (somewhere that is safe and where he cant hurt himself but does not have toys or anything he can find entertaining) and he will stay there until he stops screaming and shouting and only when he is quiet he can come back and spend time with the family. Now he will scream and plede with you not to put him in the room and if after you place him in there he comes out you take him by the hand and put him back in there, keep doing this WITHOUT engaging in conversation. The first few times this may take a long time and he may be as stuben as hell but keep strong and don't let him win. As he starts to realise that you mean what you say as soon as you say be quiet he will stop. Also by placing him in another room he will see that his actions carry a consequence and that he will not be the focus of your attention. That only positive actions will get your positive attention and love and also putting him another room will give the baby more of a chance to sleep.
If he hits, kick his baby sister again take him and put him in time out only this time place him on the stairs in the passage. Or if you dont have stairs, place him on a stool and keep him there for 1 min for every yr of his life so 5 mins. He will again keep getting up and running off in the beginning but be STRONG and dont give up, just take him back without engaging in conversation and re-setting a timer so you know when the 5 mins is up. Purchase one if you dont currently have one. An egg timer is brilliant for this job. Before and after his punishment make sure you let him know why he has been put in time out and tell him you love him and give him a cuddle. Also if you arn't running around cooking, cleaning or looking after baby, take him to one side and settle down with just the two of you with a book or puzzle and have some one on one time together. Also doing lots of things with the baby as part of the group will teach him that she is part of the family and not to be seen as a threat. Involve him in changing nappys and feeding her... make him feel like he is a big bro.
The last piece of advice i will share is when he refuses to eat dont throw the food away, put it in the mircowave and when he says he is hungry bring it out and place it in front of him. DONT give him anything else in between like crisps, sweets or go off and cook him another meal that he may prefer. Sit him down and give him that same meal.... he will again kick up a fuss cause he anit getting what he wants BUT and TRUST me on this he will not starve, as when he gets hungry enough he will eat it.... it may take all day but if he gets hungry enough he will. Just make sure he gets his fluids, which should just be water no fizzy, sweet drinks as this WILL cut down his appitite. Even if by dinner time your all sitting down with a lovely bowl of pasta and cheece and he has refused to eat his lunch of spaggetti bol... give him the spaggetti bol. He has to see that YOU and DAD are in control.
With becoming this strict overnight on him do make sure though that you give him lots of love when he is listening to you, lots of cuddles and telling him you love him. Trust me you may think that your gona do him harm mentally, alot of parents do as they see their child screaming, crying but in truth you are doing him a MASSIVE favour by being strict and in the end it will pay off in enormous ways as he will feel far more secure, happy and be an all round much more pleasant child.
Remember one thing, no child is born bad or difficult, it is the behaviour they have learnt and what they have been able to get away with that shapes them and makes them into what they are. You and his father are his teacher and for your little seed to flourish into a big bright tree your gona have to hack back alot of branches to stop it growing wild and taking over!
There are a few things i picked up on in what you have wrote that he may be playing upon. You say your exausted and don't get me wrong being a full time mum with two kids is exausting but what is proberly happening is because you don't have the energy to stand up to his constant demands, by saying NO to him, you give in to him after he kicks off and so this is telling him that if i throw a tantrum i will get my own way eventually.
Also your saying you try to please him by making his favourite foods to temp him but it only ends up in the trash can.... your right in what your saying cause he is trying to control the situation and right now he is, he is controling you and becuase of your situation with being pulled in several directions and being tired your letting him as you feel it will be easier than standing firm and having a full on war with him.
Unfortunately the only way your going to take back control of your child is by becoming far stronger, standing up to him and sticking by your word of NO! If he does anything you do not like or he does not comply with you then you need to put that extra energy into making him comply with you. If he starts screaming and shouting trying to wake up the baby, first explain to him why he should be quiet then tell him that if he does not be quiet you will place him in another room (somewhere that is safe and where he cant hurt himself but does not have toys or anything he can find entertaining) and he will stay there until he stops screaming and shouting and only when he is quiet he can come back and spend time with the family. Now he will scream and plede with you not to put him in the room and if after you place him in there he comes out you take him by the hand and put him back in there, keep doing this WITHOUT engaging in conversation. The first few times this may take a long time and he may be as stuben as hell but keep strong and don't let him win. As he starts to realise that you mean what you say as soon as you say be quiet he will stop. Also by placing him in another room he will see that his actions carry a consequence and that he will not be the focus of your attention. That only positive actions will get your positive attention and love and also putting him another room will give the baby more of a chance to sleep.
If he hits, kick his baby sister again take him and put him in time out only this time place him on the stairs in the passage. Or if you dont have stairs, place him on a stool and keep him there for 1 min for every yr of his life so 5 mins. He will again keep getting up and running off in the beginning but be STRONG and dont give up, just take him back without engaging in conversation and re-setting a timer so you know when the 5 mins is up. Purchase one if you dont currently have one. An egg timer is brilliant for this job. Before and after his punishment make sure you let him know why he has been put in time out and tell him you love him and give him a cuddle. Also if you arn't running around cooking, cleaning or looking after baby, take him to one side and settle down with just the two of you with a book or puzzle and have some one on one time together. Also doing lots of things with the baby as part of the group will teach him that she is part of the family and not to be seen as a threat. Involve him in changing nappys and feeding her... make him feel like he is a big bro.
The last piece of advice i will share is when he refuses to eat dont throw the food away, put it in the mircowave and when he says he is hungry bring it out and place it in front of him. DONT give him anything else in between like crisps, sweets or go off and cook him another meal that he may prefer. Sit him down and give him that same meal.... he will again kick up a fuss cause he anit getting what he wants BUT and TRUST me on this he will not starve, as when he gets hungry enough he will eat it.... it may take all day but if he gets hungry enough he will. Just make sure he gets his fluids, which should just be water no fizzy, sweet drinks as this WILL cut down his appitite. Even if by dinner time your all sitting down with a lovely bowl of pasta and cheece and he has refused to eat his lunch of spaggetti bol... give him the spaggetti bol. He has to see that YOU and DAD are in control.
With becoming this strict overnight on him do make sure though that you give him lots of love when he is listening to you, lots of cuddles and telling him you love him. Trust me you may think that your gona do him harm mentally, alot of parents do as they see their child screaming, crying but in truth you are doing him a MASSIVE favour by being strict and in the end it will pay off in enormous ways as he will feel far more secure, happy and be an all round much more pleasant child.
Remember one thing, no child is born bad or difficult, it is the behaviour they have learnt and what they have been able to get away with that shapes them and makes them into what they are. You and his father are his teacher and for your little seed to flourish into a big bright tree your gona have to hack back alot of branches to stop it growing wild and taking over!
COMMUNITY LEADER
First, I don't think its separation anxiety in the true sense of the word. He likes being with you because you take care of him. I don't think that fits really into what separation anxiety is. Kids don't want parents to leave them. My daughter would throw screaming fits that would wake the dead and the neighbors. We just let her scream.
I think the big question is what do you do when he hits his sister. Does he get an immediate timeout? or do you just say don't do that. Its also possible that the maids don't know what they should do when they see this happen. All of you have to have the same plan or he never will change.
I think that there is a good chance that he gets conflicting messages. You may punish him for one thing, but the maids will let it go. Its pretty hard for a kid to figure out what is right or wrong in that situation.
When he is refusing food, he is trying to control you, not the food. Serving food to a 4 year old is hard - probably even harder in Mexico. This will take some time and thought. Hopefully other members can help out here.
And yes, at this age doing all of what seems to you like normal things, can be exhausting. Just remember that most of them are not a part of what he wants to do. They represent a change in his routine, and he hates that. Makes me wonder if his "routine" changed when your last maid left in early June and he still hasn't gotten into the new maid or routine (now that school has ended).
Anyway, people post all the time about the "terrible two's or three's". It is a situation that can be dealt with. I have a feeling that down in Mexico you don't have the normal support group of friends or playmates that can help you, which makes it a lot tougher on you. Hopefully, some of the other members can give you a few more specific ideas. Until then - remember the keys are: a united front (maids, you, and dad), immediate consequences, consistent consequences - and, oh yeh, its okay to let him scream.
I think the big question is what do you do when he hits his sister. Does he get an immediate timeout? or do you just say don't do that. Its also possible that the maids don't know what they should do when they see this happen. All of you have to have the same plan or he never will change.
I think that there is a good chance that he gets conflicting messages. You may punish him for one thing, but the maids will let it go. Its pretty hard for a kid to figure out what is right or wrong in that situation.
When he is refusing food, he is trying to control you, not the food. Serving food to a 4 year old is hard - probably even harder in Mexico. This will take some time and thought. Hopefully other members can help out here.
And yes, at this age doing all of what seems to you like normal things, can be exhausting. Just remember that most of them are not a part of what he wants to do. They represent a change in his routine, and he hates that. Makes me wonder if his "routine" changed when your last maid left in early June and he still hasn't gotten into the new maid or routine (now that school has ended).
Anyway, people post all the time about the "terrible two's or three's". It is a situation that can be dealt with. I have a feeling that down in Mexico you don't have the normal support group of friends or playmates that can help you, which makes it a lot tougher on you. Hopefully, some of the other members can give you a few more specific ideas. Until then - remember the keys are: a united front (maids, you, and dad), immediate consequences, consistent consequences - and, oh yeh, its okay to let him scream.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
