Disrespectful 9 year old

[aubrisol]

I have two children, (a nine year old boy and a 3 year old girl). My children have 2 different dad's and my son's dad died when my son was 1 1/2. My daughter's dad and I split up last July. He stepped up and assumed the role of dad to my 9 year old. Since about Septemeber/October he has almost completely backed out of my son's life and rarely talks to him. My 9 year old has been suspended from school 7 times this year. He has the potential to be a great kid, but he has developed a sense of not having to listen to any authority figure. He feels like he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and the consequences don't matter too much to him. He has an uncle with a 3 page rap sheet that he seems to idolize and I try to keep him away from that uncle. His grandma on his real dad's side of the family lets him get away with everything and his punishment while he is with her is being sent home. I have tried counseling and every punishment I could think of. I even went so far as to buy the Total Transformation Program which seems to work occasionally. I can't enforce my rules when he is with his grandparents while I am at work. I have told them what to do when he gets in trouble, but they don't follow through and then tell me that I have to do something with him because he won't listen to them either. I am at my wits end and looking for some advice on what else I could possibly try to straighten him out. It's pointless trying to talk to his step-dad because he won't listen to me and doesn't realize how much he has hurt my son. I don't think my son fully understands why he is feeling the way he is either, but he's basically been abandoned by the only dad he really knew. If anyone knows of anything I could possibly try to maybe help him understand his feelings and a better way of handling them and start listening.

[Sandman2]

   I specifically tried to find for you research from what should be non-biased groups.  I am pretty sure that the Arizona supreme court would be a fairly non-biased group.  I suppose the the University of Arizona could have some bias based on which professors wrote the material.  However, each group provided extensive citations.   I guess if you don't believe these groups, who do you believe - I would love to see what you have.  If your believes are experienced based, I can understand that.  I have seen many posts on the ADHD forum that are experienced based and personal experience is very important because all people have different experiences - both good and bad.  The sharing of that information can be useful, if done with enough background to know that it is not  a generalization.

[specialmom]

And yes, this was only one post.  No big deal and I'm sure we'll find thoughts in common down the road.

[specialmom]

I like many people here at med help whether we agree on things or not.  I was just giving kudos where kudos are due.  

[bbxx]

Well it sounds like you have a lot of respect for sandman. Its always great when we find someone who thinks the way we do on things. :)

Ps, I dont know sandman or you. I just disagreed with you on one post. Not a big a deal. We may be in complete agreement on the next. :)

[specialmom]

What I love about Sandman and why I find his posts so valuable is because they are well rounded with concrete things meant to help posters and their families.   He has great ideas of actually what a family CAN do to help.  Ideas on many levels with not one single agenda that he speaks of.  I love those without an agenda that take each post individually and really put thought into what they have to offer.  Several here at med help do that and I really want to thank them.  I know, for example, that Margypops is antimedication but does not just post that.  Instead, she also offers other ideas for a family.  I think that is great and appreciate it.

I've been on the side of as a mother trying to figure out what is going on with my child.  It can be difficult and having good ideas from other knowledgable people as to what you can do is really comforting.

[bbxx]

So far not seeing the proof.
There are organizations also in opposition to the psychiatric industry and pharma. I trust them. I have my own reasons why.  I have my experiences and you have yours.
I guess we will just agree have to disagree. Its ok.
No hard feelings. :)