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Is my child a sociopath?
My son is 10 years old and for as long as I can remember we have been having issues with his behavior. In the beginning it was stealing little things like snack cakes and pens off my desk and it progressed to stealing bigger things like my husbands watch. Added to this he lies almost constantly, sneaks around and is always making up stories to see if he can trick someone into believing him. We took all of that in stride and tried to believe that he was a normal child with behavior problems. We tried postive and negative reinforcement, time-outs, grounding, taking things away and just about everything else at one time or another. We even moved to another state to give him a new start in a new school, with new friends and in a house with his own room instead of in a tiny apartment but things just got worse and worse.
Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home. They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.
We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.
When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him. I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect. That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again. We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it. His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die. I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us. I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement. This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better. The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.
So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son. He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow. If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs. I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him. The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does. He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter. I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying. What can I do in this situation?
Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home. They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.
We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.
When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him. I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect. That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again. We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it. His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die. I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us. I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement. This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better. The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.
So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son. He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow. If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs. I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him. The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does. He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter. I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying. What can I do in this situation?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yep, I thought those symptoms sounded familiar. And actually, her early symptoms were very much like ADHD. Here is a link that you might be interested in.
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2511.html
I assume that medications have been tried but didn't work. Trouble is, if all they were medicating for was bipolar or maybe just ADHD, things might not have worked as thats a tricky combo to deal with.
And unfortunately, as kids get older they tend to go off their meds and that really will mess them up.
If you don't mind telling - what kind of meds or combination of meds have they tried?
http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2511.html
I assume that medications have been tried but didn't work. Trouble is, if all they were medicating for was bipolar or maybe just ADHD, things might not have worked as thats a tricky combo to deal with.
And unfortunately, as kids get older they tend to go off their meds and that really will mess them up.
If you don't mind telling - what kind of meds or combination of meds have they tried?
yes they have and she was diagnosed with that to. She has been clinically diagnosed as; a psychopath pyromaniac, pathological liar, manipulator, child conduct disorder (until she is 18 and then it gets reclassified as Adult Conduct disorder), cruelty, attention seeker, and she has NO empathy at all.
i left her bio dad when she was just 3 years old because he was abusing me..he never hurt her or my oldest son... she has lived a great life with me and my husband her step dad. to answer your question nothing has happened that we know of that would cause her to act out like this.. we had a dr tell us once that its more then likely that she was born like this and there is nothing that could have been done to change what she has become...for the longest time i blamed myself because nothing i did ever helped her and ive bent over backward trying to help her and to understand her...its so hard to look at her now.. how did my baby that i gave birth to turn into this person that i dont even know? i dont understand..... i may never know what caused this...what i do know is we cant live like this anymore its not fair to our other children or to us...
yes we have done everything we know to do and nothing works..we have talked to social workers in the past and they have told us if we just give her up that we would be charged with abandonment.. she gets in home counseling and outside counseling but she is able to fool them...they dont see what the rest of us see because she is able to pretend so well with them..all they want to see is the troubled little girl they dont want see who and what she really is..im at a loss i dont know what to do...i come to see that nothing is going to change its only getting worse and there is nothing that is going to help her... i dont want to give up on my daughter but i feel i have no choice...its hard to turn your back on your on child but she is hurting our whole family and i worry about other children.. we are living in pure hell and it seems like there is no way out...
Oh wow, your post is shocking. Your daughter sounds very troubled, I'm sorry. So, it seems you've had her evaluated numerous times?
I hate to say it, but I would try to petition the courts to place her outside the home. The main reason being the safety and well being of your other children and you and your husband. She does NOT sound safe to be among the younger children. She's already shown that she's not just "barking" with her threats of violence, she's acted on them, and continues to threaten very violent acts.
I wish I had better advice for you, I cannot imagine being in that situation. Do you think perhaps something happened to her when she was young? It IS odd that she's the only one behaving this way out of all of your children. She absolutely needs intensive, ongoing, long term professional help (and supervision). The sad part about professional treatment is that as manipulative and dishonest as she is, I doubt they would get anywhere with her. She'd REALLY have to change and decide she WANTED things to improve for any kind of professional intervention to be successful.
I hope something changes for you, and for her. You and your daughter are in my prayers. I'm sure this is just heart wrenching. Shes' your child and you love her, but you're fearful of her, which is both sad and unfortunate. Good luck.
I hate to say it, but I would try to petition the courts to place her outside the home. The main reason being the safety and well being of your other children and you and your husband. She does NOT sound safe to be among the younger children. She's already shown that she's not just "barking" with her threats of violence, she's acted on them, and continues to threaten very violent acts.
I wish I had better advice for you, I cannot imagine being in that situation. Do you think perhaps something happened to her when she was young? It IS odd that she's the only one behaving this way out of all of your children. She absolutely needs intensive, ongoing, long term professional help (and supervision). The sad part about professional treatment is that as manipulative and dishonest as she is, I doubt they would get anywhere with her. She'd REALLY have to change and decide she WANTED things to improve for any kind of professional intervention to be successful.
I hope something changes for you, and for her. You and your daughter are in my prayers. I'm sure this is just heart wrenching. Shes' your child and you love her, but you're fearful of her, which is both sad and unfortunate. Good luck.
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