Is my child a sociopath?

[tonya623]

My son is 10 years old and for as long as I can remember we have been having issues with his behavior.  In the beginning it was stealing little things like snack cakes and pens off my desk and it progressed to stealing bigger things like my husbands watch.  Added to this he lies almost constantly, sneaks around and is always making up stories to see if he can trick someone into believing him.  We took all of that in stride and tried to believe that he was a normal child with behavior problems. We tried postive and negative reinforcement, time-outs, grounding, taking things away and just about everything else at one time or another.  We even moved to another state to give him a new start in a new school, with new friends and in a house with his own room instead of in a tiny apartment but things just got worse and worse.  

Last year he was having problems in school and nearly failed. He has already taken first grade twice and second grade twice and he nearly had to take second grade for a third time because he didnt want to do the work. Not because he can't or because he is distracted but because he thinks his teachers are too stupid to teach him anything. This year he has been better but I think it is because he has tricked the teacher into giving him most of the answers on his work and making things very easy on him because he is so small and she feels that he is being mistreated at home.  They even called child services because of the stories that he told them.

We also found out that he has been peeing in his room. At first he was peeing on the clothes in his laundry basket and then he began peeing in the corners and in his clothes depending on how badly the need was. His reason for this is alternately that he is trying to teach me a lesson and that I should let him wander the house and do whatever he wants and that it is his room and he should be allowed to do anything he wants in there even pee.

When we realized that he was peeing in his room we took him to a mental hospital for inpatient treatment and they kept him for 8 days before releasing him.  I was told that they could not keep him there because he was not a danger to anyone and besides he promised not to pee and would follow all the rules ect.  That only lasted a few hours after he got home and he was peeing again.  We moved him out of his room and into the living room so that he wouldnt have the opportunity to do it anymore and we thought that was the end of that until he tried to starve our ferrets by pretending to feed them but not actually doing it.  His reason was that he was tired of them and wanted to see how long it would take them to die.  I sat him down to talk about this and he told me that he was also planning to kill the cat, myself and my 10 month old because he was also tired of us.  I took him back to the mental hospital where they kept him for 24 days with absolutely no improvement.  This time they released him because he said that he no longer planned to kill anyone and was all better.  The couselor suggested that I send him to a boys camp because even though he said he was better and they were sending him home they did not feel that he was really better.

So here we are trying to decide what we should do with our son.  He is 10 years old and the size of an 8 year old, has mild Cerebral palsy and needs shots in order to grow.  If I send him to this camp he will not get the chance to grow normally and wont get all the treatment for his CP. Neither of which will matter if he doesnt get the mental help he needs.  I hate the idea of sending my son away because I am his mother and feel that I should be the best thing for him.  The problem is that he wants to kill me and thinks that it is okay if he does.  He does not express remorse for anything that he has done and never has, is extremely maniputlative and is not affected by punishments or consequences of any kind because he feels that they are only temporary and do not matter.  I am nearly convinced that he is a sociopath but he is SO manipulative that the doctors havent been able to see the real child and instead see the fake one that he is so good at portraying.  What can I do in this situation?

[MizJay]

I don't know if the Cp is what's causing it because my nephew is also doing a lot of these things and he has other issues such as RAD REACTIVE ATTATCHMENT DISORDER and a few other things bipolar and for him it started out with behaving poorly in school getting into fights with other kids because he stole something from them he was removed from the 5th grade class and had to be in a private classroom and when he ate lunch and recess was with the 1st graders. He stole his grandma's phone multiple times he steals from other family members tablets phones and when we finally find them he has searched pornography on the phones. So we have locks on our bedroom doors so that things can't get stolen he breaks into them he is very mean to other kids in the house especially if they get something that he can't have because he's in trouble or they try to tell on him he steals knives and exacto knives and stashed them all over the house just a few days ago I got a call from my mom (his grandma) while I was at work he had given my dog a full 10 ML syringe of Vimpat a seizure medication for my Baby sister who has Grand mal seizures he said he didn't know it would hurt her I had to then give my dog 5tsp of peroxide every 5 minutes to make her throw up he has threatened to hurt the other 2 little dogs he sneaks out in the middle of the night and goes and ding dong ditches people's houses and the lies about it when he is caught red handed. The day after he poisoned the dog he was pretending to be real tired at about 845 or 9pm so he could be sent downstairs to his room he had stolen a lighter out of his mom's purse and tried to start a piece of headphone cord on fire and set the alarms off in the house and stashed the lighter under my door which is across the hall from his and hid the burnt pieces all over his room he has been urinating in bottles and leaving them in Palin site so that they will be found and we to are at a loss we love in nebraska and the police here have told us that they can't even site him until he's 11 boys town won't take him because he is to severe a case and we can't find any relief they tell us to put him in in home counseling which absolutely does not work he fools his psychiatrist somebody please help us

[Hmcghee]

Personality disorders like sociopathic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc. can;t be properly diagnosed until age 18. However, these conditions are usually triggered by some sort of childhood trauma. It could be that he has an inflated need to prove himself because of his size. Children with these disorders usually experiment with petty (and more serious) crimes as they get older. Try taking him to a therapist regularly. If you are in the US, try children;s hospital. They have both inpatient and outpatient facilities as well as psychology and psychiatry offices. Usually outpatient units are where he lives and sleeps at home but he spends all day at the outpatient unit, where they;ll be able to give him the care he needs for both the CP and whatever is causing the urination and disorderly conduct.

[MyThoughts101]

I understand how as a mother you hesitate sending one of your own children you had with full intentions of loving caring for and rearing but you need to realize its also a parents responsibility to know when your child needs more than you intuitively and naturally are capable of providing. Your  boy is in dire need of receiving care from people specialized and familiar with children needing specialized care. It is not fair to your other child to have to subside on what energy love attention and emotional constancy you have left over after giving stressing and grieving their brother. You are putting you youngest at risk of being traumatized and he/ she also deserves your love protection and energy. My child has cerebral palsy but is loving caring so I dont think your son's CP can explain away whats at work here. There may be orgaic brain damage involved but there is also most certainly behavioral/psychological issues that are more likely the causes. My heart goes out to you but the right thing to do is probably the more difficult and includes in house long term hospitalization. This situation is one thats just too complex serious and dangerous for a mothers love alone to fix. The most loving thing you can do is to let trained professionals help your son and your family now.

[xXx_Christy_xXx]

You definitely need to find a psychiatrist. Don't drop the issue. Don't let them push you off.

[Frost_Goddess]

Tonya...my son is 8 years old and doing all the things you described. He's actually stood at the foot of my bed smiling with a knife before. I've tried everything like you have to no avail and noticing that it gets worse with age. If you found a way to help your son please let me know because I could use it. He sometimes hurts his sister and finds it funny when she cries or bleeds. He's shoved her down the stairs and off bikes...I had the same thought as you

[Klompenwinkel]

I read your post and your comments and I couldn't help but think o this article. Maybe you have seen it, but if you haven't maybe it will be a jumping off point for answers and help.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/can-you-call-a-9-year-old-a-psychopath.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all

[Sandman2]

Great (an kind of scary article) thanks!!!!

[Sandman2]

   There are 157 posts to this topic and I have no clue which one of mine you might be referring to.
   But, the fact that you think that to treat ADHD is to dope them up so they can be controlled like zombies ....makes me pretty sure you have no clue what you are talking about.

[dnevin0630]

im sorry but all you want to keep saying and pushing is adhd like wow why didnt anyone think of that oh probably cause they did since like you that is what the school and drs want to say off top and dope them up so they can be controlled zomBIES when i think we know our kids better than anyone since we always around them and there is a big difference is sociopath and adhd and i think we know what it is

[MyCrazyKidz]

My 11 year old step son put his hands around my 7 year old daughters neck and squeezed hard enough to cause her to cough.  She says she was just watching tv, he doesn't have a clear answer as to why he did it.  He has been aggressive with her in the past.  Am I crazy to think he needs therapy?  Is it wrong for me to not want him around?  His mother thinks this is a one time thing even after I have explained he has been aggressive before.  What do I do?

[Sandman2]

   Oh boy, I can certainly see why you feel like you are at the end of your rope.  There is a lot going on here.  I definitely think that seeing a psychiatrist is the best way to go.  There may very well be some medical issues going on here.  I think a full medical workup (including hormones) would be helpful.  
   This is an old write up on encopresis but the first part does explain a lot about soiling.  http://www.dulwichcentre.com.au/beating-sneaky-poo-1.pdf
   After that I can see signs of anything from autism to ADD to SPD (sensory processing disorder).
   You need to take full documentation with you to the psyc.  Especially any reports from teachers while still in school.
   When you say he destroys things ... I assume he goes into a rage kind of thing.  If so, how long do these last?  One significant sign of bipolar is rages that last much longer then normal.
    Of course things like eye contact and social contact when in elementary school are important  Particularly,  comments made by his early teachers K-3rd grade are important.  Start writing this down now to take in with you.
    This has been going on way to long.  I do so hope that you will be able to get an accurate diagnosis.  Please keep in touch and let us know what is going on.  If you have any questions, please post.    Best wishes.

[Nicknametaken1_2_7]

I have done this to the point of them falling apart.  I have taken photos of the state of his room as well as feces in his clothing and on his floor.  I intend on showing the psychiatrist.   I'm hoping for possible explanations......

[ScalpMassager]

oh, and he's two faced, so if you can do so totally discretely and WITHOUT any chance of triggering him, consider recording or much better video recording, his sociopathic behaviour he's presenting his family

[ScalpMassager]

- investing in mattress protector pads highly recommended (moisture barriers, absorb lots, easily washed), get at least 2 or 3 for convenient rotation

[Nicknametaken1_2_7]

My son doesn't seem to fit any category precisely.  He finally became violent and beat me two nights ago. He is turning 16 this month.   Prior to that I never had cause to fear physical harm from him.  He was taken into custody and returned to us yesterday but is facing up to nine months in a juvenile detention center.  His behaviors started at a very young age:
Even after potty training he continued to wet the bed.  He still continues to do this, sleeps in it to the point of my having to throw out his mattresses.  He began the same behavior with defecation when he was around 12.
He will soil himself and not clean himself.  There are times when I will find feces on chairs, walls, the floor.  He has been complained about by fellow students for his odor.  I have tried private schools, home schooling, public schools.  He is highly intelligent and knows how to present himself to his instructors.   It takes a little while but he begins failing.
He destroys most anything we give him.   Furniture, clothing, even his carpet, walls, doors, electronics (these he seems remorseful about).
He urinates all over his room, hoards food and garbage.  I will scrub his room, and I do mean scrub-carpe, walls, furniture, windows,everything-with bleach water.  I will throw away bags full of garbage and ruined clothing.  He will immediately begin the process of messing his room again.
He is obese and will sneak food.  Frozen, in cans, it doesn't matter.  We lock food in our room and buy only enough food for each day.
He refuses to socialize in any way.   Sports, make friends, hobbies.  His only outlets are gaming and one friend who he very infrequently sees and has known since early childhood.  I have to work very hard at keeping him in my son's life.
He is overly emotional.  At times his reactions seem over the top.  Other times he will ignore me completely.
He can be very mean to his sister and brother to the point they ask why he hates them.  It is not violence but mental and emotional abuse.  They are a good deal younger, 7 and 9.  I never feared for their safety until 2days ago.
He lies.  About insignificant things as well as when directly confronted about specific events.
He can also be the sweetest most loving person you have ever met.  He is funny and creative and kind.
He was seeing a psychologist on two seperate occasions.  Neither was willingly.  They gave us coping strategies.  None of which worked.
I have an appointment for him with a psychiatrist next week.  I had to fight for it-apparently most hospital systems want a psychologist to evaluate first.  I refused and after insisting for over =20 minutes they scheduled him with the Dr.  This appointment was scheduled 3 weeks ago.
There are other incedences like hitting himself, burning things, keeping a dead hamster in his pocket and telling me it was sleeping.  
Writing this is very difficult.  I just feel like I'm at the end.
Any suggestions as to what he may have so I can continue to research is appreciated.

[Sandman2]

   Great post!  Thank you for sharing!

[Storeytime]

Autism awareness is a new thing and still looked down upon as a lame excuse for bad parenting by people who don't know any better. I went through hell raising my now "tween" son with autism, despite being a soldier and supposedly having good health care. They make us jump through the same hoops to find any help, then would take it away when they thought he was getting better, which created an unstable cycle for him. Also, some professionals still privately think cold mothers are the cause, others will still doubt the diagnoses despite numerous evaluations and letters confirming the the issues we were having. Very hurtful when you are seeking help and not just ignoring the problem, to the point where sometimes you want too.  

I have two children and am very affectionate, but since the age of about 9 months, my autistic son has had fits if I tried to cuddle him, would turn away if I tried to play with him or just ignore me. It hurt my feelings badly and I felt very alone due to his repeated rejections of me, so me being "cold" was not the issue at all. He's more affection now, our relationship has improved due to me never giving up on trying to get through to him, that I love him and admitting I'm not perfect, but do always do my best and he must do the same; follow the rules to the best of his ability or face consequences.

He use to have terrible tantrums, screaming, pulling his hair, banging his head on things, throwing himself around the room, over very minor things- like being told no about something. Once he reached a certain age (about 6 or 7), I told him matter of factly I would not subject me or other household members to his temper, so if he was too emotional to be around others, to go to his room until he calmed down. At first, I had to force him to leave the room. He would also ruin things in his room once he got in there, like ripping the bottom of his door off. They are obviously looking for attention when they intentionally escalate like that, so I refused to give him a reaction in those moments. I honestly think that continuing to treat him like a normal child & not letting him know how upsetting it was for me, was key to him not continuing that behavior. I would just shake my head, told him to clean it up once he'd calmed down. When it was done, it was done- I didn't bring it up again, or talk badly about him to family or friends, so as not to destroy his reputation and give him a bad image to live up to.

We still have plenty of issues, but him being destructive towards himself or the house hasn't been an issue since he was about 7yrs old. I discovered him using social media inappropriately tonight, so took his phone away, which resulted in over an hour of loud wailing while laying in his bed, ending with him puking in the toilet. He's still highly emotionally reactive, but he knows where my line is drawn in the sand and doesn't cross it.

Children like this take a lot of patience and self discipline on the parents part, regardless of what diagnoses they receive. As much as I would like to be a permissive parent, as I don't naturally like to be strict, there is no room for that. I also make sure to talk to him a lot, to explain why I do what I do and also to ask him what's upsetting him (sometimes it's not the thing we are even disciplining them over). Tonight the fit started over his phone, but morphed into something else completely. He worried no one would like him anymore, including me, so I have to reassure him I'll always love him and be there for him, but that I was angry and only because I love him, do I take the time and effort to discipline him. People that didn't love him, wouldn't bother, they would just avoid him. I explain I don't want his life to be like that, with people avoiding him his whole life, so teaching him wrong from right, was better to learn now from someone who cares about him.

Though it's been a long night, we are waking up very early, me, him and my toddler, to go enroll him on a drill team. I think that will help him make more positive friends, to feel proud of himself and introduce him to more self-discipline. Most extra's like sports are expensive and competitive, but drill teams are usually free and emphasis everyone cooperating together. We are also starting to practice breath focused meditation together, as I feel that will help him self-regulate his emotions better. Do not give up on your kids! If you can't reach them, then who can?

Building a relationship is important, discipline with no relationship built, will only result in rebellion. Something I have to remind myself of when I'm tired and don't think I have the patience. He can be a sweet kid, but he interrupts a lot and talks incessantly about singular topics that only interest him (typical for people with autism) so sometimes bonding with him in the ways that women usually do, can be difficult. I find physical activities that don't require lots of talking work best for bonding with boys, like sparring or kicking a ball around. We still talk plenty, but I don't consider that bonding time for either of us, as it's obvious with the chattering on that trying to hold conversations over mundane things can be nerve wrecking for us both.

We never know what could have caused this for our children, we like to think that will tell us anything, but often they won't. They could have been abused or molested by a trusted family member or friend, which resulted in them acting this way. Maybe it is chemical. But they are children, and if we can barely deal with them as adults, think of how scary it must for them to deal with themselves as children, especially when they act in ways that push people away, and then result in them feeling unloved. They probably have no clue what the first step would be to rectify the situation, especially if they've lost the trust and confidence of everyone in their lives. Make room for them to improve!

This isn't just coming from a parent, but from a girl who was also troubled. No one knew I was being molested from 4-12 yrs old. I acted in similar ways as a tween and young teenager to what you all are describing. My mother didn't know what to do with me and sent me away, which in my mind, sealed my fate as a bad seed. Due to her venting to family members, I also felt like an outcast in my family (and still do with extended family). I was in and out of residential treatment facilities, mis-diagnosed with all kinds of serious mental illnesses, put on medication that made me feel suicidal for the first time in my life and eventually landed in juvenile hall. Thankfully my dad and step mom reentered the picture. As they weren't involved before, they didn't hear years worth of bad things about me and being very country, didn't subscribe to much of what the doctors said anyways. Moving in with them, allowed me the room to transform into a better person, without labels and being treated as an outcast.

Aside from living in the country and discipline, they also took time out to talk to me about deeper things in life & allowed me to see adults aren't meant to be perfect. They spent time with me. I actually felt cared about for once in my life, not just my physical needs, but as a person with a soul that needed mending. I'm not overly religious, but I cultivated a strong personal relationship with Jesus in their home. It wasn't pushed on me, but the peace my step-mother spoke about it giving her had an impact. No one who knows me today, would guess I had such a storied past as a young teenager, as I'm very caring, kind and responsible. I'm also a decorated combat veteran with no mental illness, a home owner and working on my degree in social science. I'm now best friends with my mother, who I once scared badly at 12, by writing repeatedly in my diary, that I wanted her to die (I didn't, just wanted attention & was using shock to get it, knowing she read my diary). Have hope!

[Desl27]

Tonja ~ wow. your situation is EXTREMELY difficult and I cant imagine all you've gone through. Logically, it seems as if you have tried to get to the bottom for your sons issues. I have questions: how is the relationship between father and son? I would not take lightly the remarks made to kill you and an infant esp. if your son has performed animal abuse (not feeding ferrets). You have a responsibility to protect all of your children, even from themselves/each other. Has this son been diagnosed? Is there medication to help curb his inclinations? Perhaps he should be put into a reform type environment like assisted living for CP diagnosis. Have you had a chance to talk to a minister/priest/rabbi concerning your sons behavior and attitude? What does the school say?

[Fallenangel888]

The woman's husband sounds to me like he has an extreme case of borderline personality disorder. I know, because my father was one. He tells the children those lies about their mother because of a borderline's trademark fear of abandonment. Also border line's dish out verbal abuse because of their incontrollable emotions, especially when something posses them off, and it could be literally ANYTHING that pisses them off. He also seems to blame the mother for everything in the relationship which makes sense because borderline's idolize themselves and possess an extreme Narssasisitic behavior. Unfortunately my Father's Borderline behavior and many other Borderline's behavior can be a crucial cause for the formation of a sociopath. I have become one because of him. Most of these Borderline forming Sociopath cases develop at the child's earliest age when they start excuses for anything because of their borderline parents actions. They manipulate teachers by using the stories of their childhood stories and bringing out the works by crying. In fact most sociopaths view it as a game of some sorts with everyone around them as their pieces to use at their leisure. They feel they can treat anyone like crap because of their past. There is not much you can do to stop them, therapists often find the stories they tell convincing enough to claim there is no problem and often find it difficult to pinpoint a sociopath when they see one. My best advice, being a sociopath is be a STRICT parent. Don't use threats because they can use that against you. Instead, watch them do their homework, send them to the therapist, raise them like a normal child with a small problem. Don't let their lies get past you or anyone around them, keep strict ties with anyone they interact with as to prevent manipulation. Don't make it easy for the sociopath. The peeing, is difficult to prevents, and I advise you to make the therapist aware of it as well as teachers, relatives, etc. Perhaps placing a carpet in their room, which they would view as a pawn revolting against them, the player, and most likely would tell a lie to someone for that so make everyone aware of the special carpet or whatever you put in their. as for the abusive behavior aware everyone of it and don't take it. Yank the blank put of their hands or stop them, restrain them, whatever it take. Look them square in the eye, and say "Continue this and watch what wild happen." Didn't say it in a threatening tone and make everyone aware of what you say. They may view this as a rouge pawn, a.k.a. you, but also wonder what will happen. Of course they will try it again, but repeat the phrase. Observe them, watch the one possessing they value and use it. If they threaten you as the parent take responsibility and DO WHAT A NORMAL PARENT WOULD DO.  If you show them your fear they will use it against you. They are instinctively master manipulators. Remember to make everyone aware of the actions you take day by day. Make it hard for them to lie to anyone.

I wish all of you and m3168 the best of luck and hope that my advice and story will be of good use to you. Unfortunately there is no cure for something like this but if you handle the situation correctly further growth of the problem will hopefully cease. Do not call your child's issue a disease or say something is wrong with them. They need tour love and support to get through this. Not fear or a crisis. Stay strong and even get a therapist to help YOU through this tough time. If you keep a cool head you WILL get through this.
Sincerely,
A sociopath who wants to prevent more sociopaths from going through the same situation she did.

[DavePsych]

My wife caught my son choking the dog yesterday while I was at school, finishing my MA in Psychology. He is 5 and I wanted to see what had caused this behavior or if it was something he had seen or experienced from one of his friends. He does not display the common traits of a personality disorder but after reading your post and those of some of the other people on this blog I thought you needed some support and information. Just some information for you and hopefully a direction of treatment at the end:

The common features of a psychopath and sociopath lie in their shared diagnosis — antisocial personality disorder. The DSM-5 defines antisocial personality as someone have 3 or more of the following traits:

1.Regularly breaks or flaunts the law
2.Constantly lies and deceives others
3.Is impulsive and doesn’t plan ahead
4.Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness
5.Has little regard for the safety of others
6.Irresponsible, can’t meet financial obligations
7.Doesn’t feel remorse or guilt

Symptoms start before age 15, so by the time a person is an adult, they are well on their way to becoming a psychopath or sociopath.

Psychology researchers generally believe that psychopaths tends to be born — that it’s a genetic predisposition — while sociopaths tend to be made by their environment. The last part of that sentence is particularly important. If you think your child is suffering from sociopathic tendencies and state that to a caretaker, they may indeed look at you as the problem. Here is the thing as I see it, if you, in your heart are part of the problem then own it. Realize that you are a human being and made mistakes, what makes you an adult is realizing that you have to be honest in order to seek treatment for your child. If you had nothing to do with the current situation then realize your child might be a psychopath. Either way a clear and thorough evaluation of the child must be completed.  

Psychopaths, in general, have a hard time forming real emotional attachments with others. Instead, they form artificial, shallow relationships designed to be manipulated in a way that most benefits the psychopath. But psychopaths can often be seen by others as being charming and trustworthy.

Researchers tend to believe that sociopathy is the result of environmental factors, such as a child or teen’s upbringing in a very negative household that resulted in physical abuse, emotional abuse, or childhood trauma. Sociopaths, in general, tend to be more impulsive and erratic in their behavior than their psychopath counterparts.

Both psychopaths and sociopaths present risks to society, because they will often try and live a normal life while coping with their disorder. But psychopathy is likely the more dangerous disorder, because they experience a lot less guilt connected to their actions. Not all people we’d call a psychopath or sociopath are violent. Violence is not a necessary ingredient (nor is it for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder) — but it is often present.

Psychologists call these kinds of childhood behaviors a conduct disorder. Conduct disorders involve four categories of problem behavior:

◾Aggression to people and animals
◾Destruction of property
◾Deceitfulness or theft
◾Serious violations of rules

If you recognize these symptoms (and the specific symptoms of conduct disorder) in a child or young teen, they’re at greater risk for antisocial personality disorder.

Taken from : Differences Between a Psychopath vs Sociopath
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

I would recommend seeking help from a Psychiatrist with a care team. The care team would also consist of a Psychologist, Associate Psychologist and possibly some nurses. Initially you need to go see the Psychiatrist by yourself or with your spouse. This would be required so that you can fully explain the actions of your child, the manipulations that have occurred and any other information that you think would be pertinent. The Psychiatrist will consult with the Psych's and determine the course of action from there. Good luck and my thoughts are with you!

[tonya623]

Hi Everyone. I haven't been back on here in a while. I have gotten a few messages but I haven't really felt up to answering them. Shortly after I made this post my kids were taken from me by child services. At the time my older son was just turning 11 and my baby was 16 months. It was a nightmare. Cody had been telling his special ed teacher that we were abusing him. Telling her horrible stories that could not possibly have been true. For example she said I would withhold food for days at a time or I would throw him down on the kitchen floor when he refused to do his homework. He never ever missed school so that should tell her that he was able to eat and that I didn't beat him since there were never ever any bruises. Unfortunately he is an amazing liar and she wanted to believe that she was helping him. She called CPS repeatedly and to the point that they were at my house every couple of days to check on him and my home. I even agreed to let them have someone come out everyday for 2hrs so that they could monitor him and the situation. So at that point we had their worker and a counselor out every day but still she kept making reports and he kept lying to her and others at the school. But never did he lie to CPS and tell them that I did any of these things.

Well one day CPS showed up at my house with an order to remove my baby from my home. They agreed that there was no evidence of physical abuse but said that since my son kept making these allegations then there was obviously something wrong in the home and so they put "emotional abuse" on the order and took my baby. I was told they were putting both kids in the same home and I was absolutely terrified. I got all the reports about Cody threatening to kill the baby and begged them on my knees on the street to keep them separated. Thankfully they did. If for no other reason than to cover themselves in case something happened.

Cody was at school so they took him from there. I didn't see either of my kids for 5 days while I waited for court. When I got to court they told me that Cody had been placed with his special ed teacher since they had a previous relationship. Apparently she had gone through the process of getting certified as a foster parent while she was making all the reports so that she could have Cody and my baby when they were removed from my home.

I was able to get my baby back after 2 months but only after I agreed to let them keep Cody while I went through parenting classes. We dealt with the state for over 3 yrs. They kept telling me that Cody couldn't come home because he would never let me parent him but I wanted to try. Eventually they agreed to let him come home 2 1/2 yrs after he was taken.

This was after tons of therapy and lots of lies. When he came home he immediately went back to his old tricks. He started lying to me about his dad. Told his caseworkers that I made him stay in his room all day after we had spent the day at the lake and zoo. He pretended to overdose on his meds (he wasn't taking them in foster care and I had to start him back on them at home) and I called 911 just so they could tell me that even though he was out of it and vomitting that he was fine. The next day we went to his therapist and he spent 2hrs, while we were in the waiting room, vomiting on himself rather than using the provided trashcan and acting totally spaced out. His therapist told him to cut it out and act right but couldnt do anything else or say if he was faking. We had to carry him to the car and strap him in. When we got home he jumped out of the car and ran into the house. I went into his room and asked if he was feeling better and he said "Oh yeah, I was faking. I'm done now though. I'm gonna go play with my friends." I was heartbroken. If he was willing to hurt himself like that to upset me then what else was he capable of?

We decided that we had no choice and gave him back to the state. 2 months later I signed over my rights to him and he wasn't my son anymore. He was adopted by his foster mother a few months after that and I didnt hear from him again for about 2 years. When he called he asked why we had moved. Apparently he had someone take him by our old house and saw that we didn't live there anymore. He also went by my husband's past employer and was looking for him. We haven't told him where we live and I refuse to let him see my younger son even though Cody asks to visit regularly. He called from a mental hospital and begged to come home. I told him absolutely not. Even though he swears that he has changed.

He is 16 now and his adoptive mother had him removed from her home a few months ago after he hit her during an outburst. He is living in a group home which is basically a large medical facility. He will be there until he is 18 and after that we don't know.

It has been really hard. All the downs and really far downs had a huge impact on my health and on the development of my younger son. He has anxiety issues and other developmental issues that were caused from being taken from us and from us spending every spare moment trying to get his brother home. Finally giving up Cody was the best thing that I have done. I think I hurt everyone more by holding on to something and someone that wasn't ever going to work. I love Cody and always will but when I think of him it will always be the sweet 5 yr old boy that loved me and everyone else that I will picture in my head.

[pleasehelpus2309]

our five year old daughter has been doing all of these things short of threatening our lives, she has almost killed her grandparents dog by wrapping a leash around its neck and body, constantly hurts our pets, sneaks around all night and wakes up her year old brother and sometimes her 4month old brother. She hurts both her brothers by hitting them with objects and pushing her one year old brother off of chairs and into tables, is constantly arguing thinks she is always right, lies all the time, pees in her room even though we keep the lights on at night so she can get to the bathroom without fear of the dark, has stolen her mothers jewelry and my expensive items from in our room while we sleep. She hurts herself by scratching and pulling her hair and running into walls, lies to friends and teachers about where the marks come from saying it was us. We have had social services called on us numerous times because of this and each time we are given the all clear. We have also moved provinces to give her a better life and a new start. We are at our witts end with it all we have told her we are going to take her to the hospital and she welcomes it gets ready and everything and when we do go acts like the perfect angel so the doctors send us packing without any help at all. Phsycologists just keep saying she is to young to assess. My wife feels trapped at home while I am at work and is worried of even having a shower by herself cause she is worried that our daughter is going to hurt the other children. We have tried all sorts of punishments from time outs to a vast majority of other types of disipline nothing works in fact she tells us it wont work and that we are waisting our time. It may sound screwed up but it is a relief to find out we are not the only ones going through this though very upsetting that none of us have answers on how to deal with this short of addmitting them, I love my daughter dearly as she is my first born when we thought we couldnt have kids. We feel like we are failing her and getting angry with eachiother due to the stress that is put on us. We have lost multiple homes due to her behaviour and lost all damage deposits due to the damage she has done to her rooms and other rooms. We try to get her nice toys/bedding and it all gets destroyed. ''
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signed a stressed dad

[Sandman2]

   Boy, with a 144 comments on this post.  I've got no idea what you were referring to.  Always check the date.  Some of these go back a long ways.

[mariemissy]

Agreed, Bi-polar and sociopathic behavior is are not the same.  

[mariemissy]

Yes, he can get  the services of an IEP if the child meets the criteria for one of the 13 areas of a disabling condition for that state.  Each state has different sets of criteria for each disabling condition.  Suggesting that the parent sue the school district for not following through with an evaluation might get the parent some money, but that money won't fix the child.  As an experienced special education teacher, I can tell you that I haven't found anything that changes the manipulative nature and improves the lack of empathy that these children have.  I understand what these parents are talking about and suggesting that a change in the family dynamics might be the cause is an insult.  I do agree that if the school district can offer some services it will help to get him get some small group services.  The teacher will then be able to support the parent when trying to explain the extreme behaviors with a therapist..  An IEP will also protect him from being suspended if the behaviors are a result of the disabling condition.