My son said something really strange to another little boy today

[Motherofaneightyroldboy]

My son is eight yrs old.  He is a happy, active, normal little boy.  What happened today was really shocking!  He was in our neighbors yard with his older friend who is 11yrs old.  Another eight yr old boy came by and my son started to throw rocks at him.  As the boy started to leave my son said "Ya, that's it, go home and have sex with your mother.  Hump her in her vagina."...   I was/am shocked!!!!  The childs mom called me Very Upset.  I assured her that I would get to the bottom of this immediately.  I asked him why he said this and he denied it.  I then asked him where he ever would have possibley heard something like this and he said that this boy has said it to him a few different times.  ...   Now,  I'm not sure whether to believe him since he lied to the first question.  I have no idea how to handle this situation.  And as a mother I feel embarrassed.  (I have a hard time dealing with any such topic since I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child.  I have since made the predator pay his dues to society and I have always instilled in my son the importance of telling more than one person about someone touching your private parts so that it can't be hidden.  Someone will eventually do something if you keep telling people.)  

Now,  with all of my issues on the table and what I was told today,  how can I handle this situation without being negative or making him feel dirty.  omg,  I feel so helpless.  I don't understand how any child could come out with words like those.  Could my son be being abused?  Could it be true that the other little boy said it to him and that he's being abused.  Those are not normal comments from any child.  I'm totally numb right now.

I know I haven't addressed the rock throwing, but that's an area I feel ok about dealing with.  I need help to give him the proper help and guidance.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.  

[yngdad]

I'm a guy and yea its prEtty normal, but honestly he shouldn't be hanging out with a boy that much older. OldEr boys teach younger boys that kind of stuff too.

[Motherofaneightyroldboy]

Yes,  that's exactly it!  I couldn't see past what the words meant to realize that they were only words to him. My husband works out of province so not having him here was hard as well.  He deals with that stuff way better than I.. lol  But that was his reaction to it as well.  Totally nonchalant.  I am getting better with the sex talk, I just take my time to use the right words and sometimes I think I make the convo boring for the little guy. (I'm afraid to tell him too much but also afraid to not tell him enogh) lol  But anyway,  I think he will be just fine and I'm going to keep a closer eye on his friends and games that he plays. (Without being a warden hopefully!)

Can't thank you enough.  Take care & God Bless :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Very glad to hear it.  I do understand that after the trauma you've had to deal with in the past, it would be easy for you to hear your son's comment as its sexual meaning.  But especially after talking to my husband, it just seems so clear your son was tossing an insult rather than making a suggestion based on life experience.  I mean, guys call each other m-therf-ers all the time.  

We were in the car yesterday when I had mentioned this all to my husband, and I couldn't remember the exact words your son had used so had to paraphrase.  This morning, he was walking by when I was reading your post, so I read him the exact comment.  He just said, "Oh, that is *so* innocent."  (Almost like, "Awww, ain't that adorable.")  So do relax, it really sounds (to a guy) like totally nothing is going on besides the impulse to toss an insult bomb.

Your making him apologize sounds like a good idea.  He'll probably learn some less vulgar and degrading curses for next time.  LOL    

[Motherofaneightyroldboy]

First of all,  I want to thank you so much for putting so much time into answering my question.  You've helped to keep me on track in dealing with this.  My focus was way off.  You were right,  the mother was much more at ease when I spoke with her yesterday.  I took my son to her home where he had to apologize for what he said. -(to her and her son).  So now he's grounded for 7 days,  well it's 5 now.  He understands why it was wrong to say it now, and I'm hoping I won't have to worry about him say those things again.  

Again,  thank you so much.  I really appreciate all your help.  It's not too often you find someone online who is willing to go the extra mile to help others.

[AnnieBrooke]

ps -- I happened to mention your story to my husband this evening, and he immediately, in such a relaxed way, said it's just little-boy insults.  This is coming from a guy who rarely swears, and who grew up in a less-profane era, and he was just so absolutely untroubled by what your son said that it was pretty persuasive.  It's possible the other woman's husband will also tell her this, so maybe your discussions with her will be easier next time.  He says there is no way the boys saying this kind of thing understand the social or moral context, it's all about name calling.  (He also mentioned that the commonest curse among Latin males is, essentially, "eff your mother.")  Anyway, good luck.  

[AnnieBrooke]

In the last paragraph, I meant "the best suggestion I have *regarding* the other mother" (in other words, regarding what to say to her).