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What to do about depression
I have suffered depression my entire life. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and inferior, and living a half life, if that. Everyone says, see a professional. Ok fine. How does one care for oneself if one has no money? I am scraping by, barely able to eat. If I can't afford to eat, how am I going to afford mental health therapy or medications? I will not qualify for any state help, I make too much money, and have insurance. But, most of my money is taken by child support, so I have just enough to barely, barely scrape by. So what hope is there? I want to get help, but I literally can't get it. I cannot afford a co-pay, or the cost of anti-depressant medication, so the insurance does not help me. Man, I am getting more depressed just writing this. What hope is there? I mean, it seems to me that I am going to be foced to live with this the rest of my life, and if that is the case, then I'd just as soon die as soon as possible. If there is no hope for any change, or improvement, then it would be illogical to keep trying. What do I do????? I'm stuck in a rut, and I can't get out on my own. But I can't get any help from anyone. Any ideas, anyone?
Wow, sara, what an incredible story. You are one heck of a fighter! I'm glad you managed to keep trying, even on days I'm sure you felt like you had no fight left. And, I'm glad you found your way here. :0)
You're so right. Fighting to relieve my depression was "the fight of my life and for my life" as you put it. It took 20 years of trying everything while I was truly suicidal for years with deadline after deadline to commit suicide. And depression does have the "side effect" of making you feel hopeless in general which accounts for your feeling that any effort "would be to no avail anyways" as you put it.
I finally found that light therapy cured my depression and sleep disorder. What a miracle after 20 years of intense depression. Then when my system changed, the light didn't help me any more. But there were a lot of the newer anti-depressants available which had not been available before. After trying several meds, I finally found one that was a true miracle. Then I had a major stroke with severe 24/7 migraines which drove me near suicide. With only increasing the anti-depressant, it completely cured my depression once again. A total miracle. I'm now 60 years old.
So yes, miracles are possible. And you can find your miracle. But plan on it probably taking a lot out of you. In the meantime, feel incredibly proud of yourself for doing the work to find your miracle. You deserve a great deal for your fight.
I finally found that light therapy cured my depression and sleep disorder. What a miracle after 20 years of intense depression. Then when my system changed, the light didn't help me any more. But there were a lot of the newer anti-depressants available which had not been available before. After trying several meds, I finally found one that was a true miracle. Then I had a major stroke with severe 24/7 migraines which drove me near suicide. With only increasing the anti-depressant, it completely cured my depression once again. A total miracle. I'm now 60 years old.
So yes, miracles are possible. And you can find your miracle. But plan on it probably taking a lot out of you. In the meantime, feel incredibly proud of yourself for doing the work to find your miracle. You deserve a great deal for your fight.
One of the very first things I was told in therapy was that we "needed to break down the typical male stereo-type and get to the problem.". I was a typical guy. Big, strong, and nothing like this was going to drag me down.... "I'm not even sure why I am here... I don't know if I believe in any of this." were the first things out of my mouth. (I was doing anything I could to not have to bear my soul and bring up things that happened 35 years ago...) Part of me actually wanted to stay depressed. Depressed became my normal, and as miserable, lonely, dark as it was.... it felt comfortable on a level.
Looking at my wife and kids, I knew that I was going to do something about the depression. I got tired of the depression and I knew damned well that they were over it too. They stood by me, even at my worst and I think that is were I found the strength to get this handled.
As soon as I got out of my own way and began to tell the story, it became easier to talk about.....
Will this take a miracle to get you to see things differently? Honestly, I don't think so... you're a bright guy. You've recognized a problem and have decided to step up and handle this. Will it be hard? Yes sir, and you know that. That's a big chunk of the battle.
Keep your mind open mjark.... you'll never know when a little gem of wisdom will drop into your lap. It's those little gems that you need to grab hold of and use them to your advantage. One of the coolest things I've heard about dealing with depression is "whatever works".
I read and studied my butt off. I learned all I could about my diagnosis almost to the point where I was obsessing on reading more... My therapist had me quit reading for a couple of weeks. Instead of a book every 2 days, I got cut down to reading a book a week.... all of it helped. I got thousands of perspectives and each made a bit of a difference.
You can do this.
Looking at my wife and kids, I knew that I was going to do something about the depression. I got tired of the depression and I knew damned well that they were over it too. They stood by me, even at my worst and I think that is were I found the strength to get this handled.
As soon as I got out of my own way and began to tell the story, it became easier to talk about.....
Will this take a miracle to get you to see things differently? Honestly, I don't think so... you're a bright guy. You've recognized a problem and have decided to step up and handle this. Will it be hard? Yes sir, and you know that. That's a big chunk of the battle.
Keep your mind open mjark.... you'll never know when a little gem of wisdom will drop into your lap. It's those little gems that you need to grab hold of and use them to your advantage. One of the coolest things I've heard about dealing with depression is "whatever works".
I read and studied my butt off. I learned all I could about my diagnosis almost to the point where I was obsessing on reading more... My therapist had me quit reading for a couple of weeks. Instead of a book every 2 days, I got cut down to reading a book a week.... all of it helped. I got thousands of perspectives and each made a bit of a difference.
You can do this.
Yes, that IS true. At this point, it's pretty much do or die...literally. I really and truly do not want to live for even a few more years if this is the extent of my life. Yes, you are absolutely correct Brice, there is no worse case. To think that my problem is any worse than another's is just self-centered. These words are actually seeping into my brain. Bottom line is that this 'disease' or problem or whatever one chooses to call it does indeed ruin lives. I can attest to this, and I am hearing others say the same kinds of things. This is ammunition in the fight. Thank you for the reminder that this is the fight of my life and for my life and that it does take work and effort. I admit I have not put in the effort, as I have just assumed it would be to no avail anyways. But, perhaps that assumption is wrong. It will take almost a miracle to get me to see things differently, but I suppose I can at least try.
Thank you so much. You're very kind. And I am with you! Whatever works, and don't quit trying to find whatever it is that works.
I consider myself pretty lucky. I think it took the "prefect storm" to get me to the point where I knew I had to do something, and I think it took the right soup of things all happening at once to get me the help I needed. It was not easy going, but once the going got started, it got momentum and kept growing.
I think mjarkremington is at that point too. You can feel the desparity, yet feel the steadfastness necessary to get after this.
I consider myself pretty lucky. I think it took the "prefect storm" to get me to the point where I knew I had to do something, and I think it took the right soup of things all happening at once to get me the help I needed. It was not easy going, but once the going got started, it got momentum and kept growing.
I think mjarkremington is at that point too. You can feel the desparity, yet feel the steadfastness necessary to get after this.
As always, your words are so inspiring. You have such an amazing way with words.
I could add that I don't care what a person does to try to get better, as long as they do something (something healthy and productive, that is). If standing on your head, with bananas in your ears is a treatment that works for you, have it it! We'll all stand side by side, with nanas in our ears, if that's what it takes!
I could add that I don't care what a person does to try to get better, as long as they do something (something healthy and productive, that is). If standing on your head, with bananas in your ears is a treatment that works for you, have it it! We'll all stand side by side, with nanas in our ears, if that's what it takes!
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The last thing I needed when I got help was more bills. In fact, I let the though of accruing more bills stand in the way of me getting myself healthy. The depressed me wanted to stay in that rut... anything to find an excuse to not get help was my mantra for decades. And you name the excuses, I was using them. First and foremost was that I couldn't financially afford to get help, especially when I exhausted all of the other excuses for not getting help.
I went as far as to almost lose everything that is dear to me. My family was almost out the door because of my depression, lack of wanting to help myself, and miscellaneous ways of "self medication". When the $hit hit the fan, I knew I had to go on. I knew I wasn't done and I knew I was not the giant $hit bag I was turning myself into.
There is help out there and of course there is a cost. There are hundreds of places across this country that offer help for lesser cost, and some work on a sliding scale. Pay what you can, when you can and you can continue to receive the help you need.
First place to start is your doctor. He or she can give you a referral and they also probably have some information on where a person in your shoes can find some help. (It worked for me in the little community I live in.) That referral from your doctor is key. Secondly, meds don't have to be that expensive. The medicine I take for depression is cheap compared to the one I have to take for my triglycerides... real cheap.
Look, this is your health and help just doesn't come walking up. You have to become an active participant in making yourself get better. It's hard work and nobody likes telling their story, over and over and over again, but it is what is necessary in order to find help.
Everyone here on medhelp was fed some kind of a $hit sandwich. Most have come so far from where they were, but it didn't happen by accident. Some here are 'hanging on" because they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. None of the recovery happens over night. For some, relief happens rather quickly, but depression just doesn't go away. You learn to deal with it. Right now, you're not dealing with it in a healthy way. (I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just reciting the facts regarding depression.)
I truly feel for you brother.... I walked in your shoes for about 30 years too damned long, all because I was too stubborn to get out of my own way, to try to be a little innovative and get some help. Instead, I sat and did nothing except beat myself up and adding more trouble to the trouble I hadn't faced in life.
It stinks.... no doubt. And I can tell that you do want out of this. You didn't get to this point over night and it won't go away over night. Re-read every post above when you can find yourself in a calmer more tolerant state. Relax a bit... not all of this is your fault, and you will begin to see what help is out there. You have to chase it down.
Good luck and stay in touch.