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What to do about depression
I have suffered depression my entire life. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and inferior, and living a half life, if that. Everyone says, see a professional. Ok fine. How does one care for oneself if one has no money? I am scraping by, barely able to eat. If I can't afford to eat, how am I going to afford mental health therapy or medications? I will not qualify for any state help, I make too much money, and have insurance. But, most of my money is taken by child support, so I have just enough to barely, barely scrape by. So what hope is there? I want to get help, but I literally can't get it. I cannot afford a co-pay, or the cost of anti-depressant medication, so the insurance does not help me. Man, I am getting more depressed just writing this. What hope is there? I mean, it seems to me that I am going to be foced to live with this the rest of my life, and if that is the case, then I'd just as soon die as soon as possible. If there is no hope for any change, or improvement, then it would be illogical to keep trying. What do I do????? I'm stuck in a rut, and I can't get out on my own. But I can't get any help from anyone. Any ideas, anyone?
Best Answer
Who could not be encouraged by your kind messages. You are so understanding of others. I presume it was your work as a social worker that made you like this. Every word you say about this site is true. What real friends the people are. So inspirational. I do hope people take note.
I have struggled with 'suicide' as an option most of my life. It is a B****
You've taken a great step by deciding to come to this place for support. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And even though it may sound phony or corny, you are NOT UNLOVED either! People like us share a kind of kinship I believe. We are ALL connected! What you do and visa versa affects both/all of us at a spiritual/soul level.
So feel free to dump it all here. We are here to listen and encourage you. Just talking will help release some of that pain we all want to escape.
Last time I felt like you do, I found a website: www.metonia.com There is a great 5-minute read called 'Suicide-read this first.' Even some jokes I had to laugh at in spite of my despair.
Please- if you start seriously thinking of this again-reach out and call 911, a suicide hotline, someone, or log on here. Feelings WiLL come and go. Suicide won't.
The best advice I heard is-wait 3 days. If you still feel like doing it in 3 days, you can always commit suicide later. So-you are still in control. But what is 3 days!? I've discovered by then the urge will most likely pass. That is a kind of promise I've made to myself.
That and I will always call my therapist first-I owe her that much. I might not tell her I'm thinking of suicide because she'd call the police. But I'd at least tell her IF I decide to, it's not your fault. She did not 'fail' me.
And to avoid alcohol completely when I am depressed. I KNOW it clouds my judgement to the degree that I would follow through and not live another day to regret it! I'm sure alcohol played a part in at least 1/2 of my relatives deaths.
I take people seriously when they say they are 'checking out.' My grown daughter believes it's just 'drama' to 'get attention.' That kind of attitude makes me want to do it just to prove her wrong. But it would delight my son-in-law, so I won't-to spite him. Ha, ha. 'As The World Turns' right?
I realize some people with personality disorders do that, but they still have real pain. When I'm in that place, I just want to stop the pain. If I look deeper I am also rather ambivalent. On one hand I want to end it all. On the other I'm hoping someone will give me a legitimate reason NOT to do it-one I can 'buy into' myself.
I read you have children. One thing my psychiatrist said to me when I was suicidal is: don't EVER do that to your children. If you go through with that, your children will be 50% more likely to choose that road themselves. THAT will be the true legacy you will leave your children!" In that regard I can't kid myself that they would be better off without me.
I know for a fact that is part of my own struggle. I had so many family members and friends commit suicide, that I grew up-kind of matter of factly- believing 'well, suicide is always a way out-a reasonable, rational option.'
So when my dad was slowly and painfully dying I asked him if he considered it. He'd had a step son, brother and sister-in-law commit suicide. He'd been witness to the suicides of my mother's step-father, brother, aunt, and multiple attempts by my grandmother. He said 'that would be the coward's way out.' I think of that and I think he was a true hero.
Even though this is just a 'virtual' world with 'virtual' strangers--we are real in our genuine concern and desire to help. Because we have been there, done that!
Also, many of us have withdrawn from, pushed away, had to break off unhealthy relationships or been abandoned by most of our family and friends. Many just don't understand and some just don't choose to. Maybe they'll 'catch' what I've got! I'm down to about 2-3, so that's why I came here. I knew I had to 'hook up to some form of life support."
And in a group of like-minded 'believers' who aren't going to ostracize, blame & shame you or tell you to 'pull yourself up by your boot straps.'
Take it one day at a time-one minute at a time if you need to.
I used to work as a social worker and one thing I did was direct people in financial situations like yourself-to resources in the community, with the drug companies, and so forth. If you want to, type my username (nativeco) in the search bar up at the top right of page. It will pull up my other posts. You might have to search several-but I think some of the things you might look for are on the thread: 'anti depressants and memory loss.' One source I didn't mention was free medication (tell them your child support thing) from manufactures at pparx.org You fill out one form with your meds (once you get the scripts for meds you might need) and they mail you this lovely booklet designed just for you. With your meds, the manufactures who make those meds, and how to contact them with what they require.
Also, I don't know the cost or how good it is, but the metonia.com site has links to on-line therapy. Apparently many are doing that these days.
Finding doctors is mentioned in the post I mentioned above.
Thank you mjarkremington for allowing us to share. The Course in Miracles says that WE Learn through teaching others. As we are able to share our stories with those willing to listen, we are also learning from hearing our own stories. I guess! Please keep in touch.
You've taken a great step by deciding to come to this place for support. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And even though it may sound phony or corny, you are NOT UNLOVED either! People like us share a kind of kinship I believe. We are ALL connected! What you do and visa versa affects both/all of us at a spiritual/soul level.
So feel free to dump it all here. We are here to listen and encourage you. Just talking will help release some of that pain we all want to escape.
Last time I felt like you do, I found a website: www.metonia.com There is a great 5-minute read called 'Suicide-read this first.' Even some jokes I had to laugh at in spite of my despair.
Please- if you start seriously thinking of this again-reach out and call 911, a suicide hotline, someone, or log on here. Feelings WiLL come and go. Suicide won't.
The best advice I heard is-wait 3 days. If you still feel like doing it in 3 days, you can always commit suicide later. So-you are still in control. But what is 3 days!? I've discovered by then the urge will most likely pass. That is a kind of promise I've made to myself.
That and I will always call my therapist first-I owe her that much. I might not tell her I'm thinking of suicide because she'd call the police. But I'd at least tell her IF I decide to, it's not your fault. She did not 'fail' me.
And to avoid alcohol completely when I am depressed. I KNOW it clouds my judgement to the degree that I would follow through and not live another day to regret it! I'm sure alcohol played a part in at least 1/2 of my relatives deaths.
I take people seriously when they say they are 'checking out.' My grown daughter believes it's just 'drama' to 'get attention.' That kind of attitude makes me want to do it just to prove her wrong. But it would delight my son-in-law, so I won't-to spite him. Ha, ha. 'As The World Turns' right?
I realize some people with personality disorders do that, but they still have real pain. When I'm in that place, I just want to stop the pain. If I look deeper I am also rather ambivalent. On one hand I want to end it all. On the other I'm hoping someone will give me a legitimate reason NOT to do it-one I can 'buy into' myself.
I read you have children. One thing my psychiatrist said to me when I was suicidal is: don't EVER do that to your children. If you go through with that, your children will be 50% more likely to choose that road themselves. THAT will be the true legacy you will leave your children!" In that regard I can't kid myself that they would be better off without me.
I know for a fact that is part of my own struggle. I had so many family members and friends commit suicide, that I grew up-kind of matter of factly- believing 'well, suicide is always a way out-a reasonable, rational option.'
So when my dad was slowly and painfully dying I asked him if he considered it. He'd had a step son, brother and sister-in-law commit suicide. He'd been witness to the suicides of my mother's step-father, brother, aunt, and multiple attempts by my grandmother. He said 'that would be the coward's way out.' I think of that and I think he was a true hero.
Even though this is just a 'virtual' world with 'virtual' strangers--we are real in our genuine concern and desire to help. Because we have been there, done that!
Also, many of us have withdrawn from, pushed away, had to break off unhealthy relationships or been abandoned by most of our family and friends. Many just don't understand and some just don't choose to. Maybe they'll 'catch' what I've got! I'm down to about 2-3, so that's why I came here. I knew I had to 'hook up to some form of life support."
And in a group of like-minded 'believers' who aren't going to ostracize, blame & shame you or tell you to 'pull yourself up by your boot straps.'
Take it one day at a time-one minute at a time if you need to.
I used to work as a social worker and one thing I did was direct people in financial situations like yourself-to resources in the community, with the drug companies, and so forth. If you want to, type my username (nativeco) in the search bar up at the top right of page. It will pull up my other posts. You might have to search several-but I think some of the things you might look for are on the thread: 'anti depressants and memory loss.' One source I didn't mention was free medication (tell them your child support thing) from manufactures at pparx.org You fill out one form with your meds (once you get the scripts for meds you might need) and they mail you this lovely booklet designed just for you. With your meds, the manufactures who make those meds, and how to contact them with what they require.
Also, I don't know the cost or how good it is, but the metonia.com site has links to on-line therapy. Apparently many are doing that these days.
Finding doctors is mentioned in the post I mentioned above.
Thank you mjarkremington for allowing us to share. The Course in Miracles says that WE Learn through teaching others. As we are able to share our stories with those willing to listen, we are also learning from hearing our own stories. I guess! Please keep in touch.
I know that you can get better relief from your depression. It is extremely difficult to live in the meantime. I know from the years that I fought with suicidal thoughts, making continuous bargains with myself to just hold on. So please hold on and give more medication a try. Depression tends to convince us that there is no hope and that nothing will work, but it's not true.
Have you tried Effexor, which now comes in a much cheaper generic? It treats both seratonin and norepinephrine (sp?). And it is not difficult to get off if you do it very gradually. That's the only anti-depressant that really worked for me. They say to give it 4 weeks to work, but my mother, my best friend and I all felt a difference within days of just starting the medication. And I know a number of other people who have also been helped by it.
A survey found that anti-depressants are the most frequently used medication by people between the ages of 18 and 44! You are hardly alone. The study also found that among those taking antidepressants, approximately 14 percent take more than one anti-depressant. So it may take a combination of anti-depressants.
Once you get relief from your depression, you will have more energy to do everything and the world will look a lot better for you. I wonder if some of the people on this site that still suffer are getting all the help that they need. Get every bit of help that you can.
Have you tried Effexor, which now comes in a much cheaper generic? It treats both seratonin and norepinephrine (sp?). And it is not difficult to get off if you do it very gradually. That's the only anti-depressant that really worked for me. They say to give it 4 weeks to work, but my mother, my best friend and I all felt a difference within days of just starting the medication. And I know a number of other people who have also been helped by it.
A survey found that anti-depressants are the most frequently used medication by people between the ages of 18 and 44! You are hardly alone. The study also found that among those taking antidepressants, approximately 14 percent take more than one anti-depressant. So it may take a combination of anti-depressants.
Once you get relief from your depression, you will have more energy to do everything and the world will look a lot better for you. I wonder if some of the people on this site that still suffer are getting all the help that they need. Get every bit of help that you can.
Hi, I just wondered how you are getting on? Do you feel a little bit more positive about things now you have been in touch with us? Have we helped? Let us know please, as we like to know how people are.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Hey, look, I have had depression for over 20 years. I am 71 years of age, and I am fighting depression every day of my life. OK it is jolly hard, but we are all fighters.
Of course it can work for you. Depression does make us think negatively and have a low self esteem, that is why it is so hard. Like you, many think it will not work for them. Many people want to give up and just die because it is the easy way out.
It is never, never too late. For goodness sake you are only 43. That is young, believe you me. You have years ahead of you. You will find you can live a good life, even with depression. So, are you going to kill yourself because you can't be bothered to fight?
Of course we care about you, we all care about each other here. The support is wonderful. We urge each other to fight depression. We tell our own stories. Believe us, you can do it too.
Keep in touch. You sound a really nice person. Remember you have lots of friends here. You are not alone any more.
Of course it can work for you. Depression does make us think negatively and have a low self esteem, that is why it is so hard. Like you, many think it will not work for them. Many people want to give up and just die because it is the easy way out.
It is never, never too late. For goodness sake you are only 43. That is young, believe you me. You have years ahead of you. You will find you can live a good life, even with depression. So, are you going to kill yourself because you can't be bothered to fight?
Of course we care about you, we all care about each other here. The support is wonderful. We urge each other to fight depression. We tell our own stories. Believe us, you can do it too.
Keep in touch. You sound a really nice person. Remember you have lots of friends here. You are not alone any more.
Again, thanks be to all of you who responded out of care and love here. I am really touched by the responses here...and I thought no one cared! From the outpouring of good energy from y'all, I am motivated to break out of the rut once again. We'll see. Like a few of the comments have said, and I totally relate to, the sense of just living through it, and in my case, the hope and wish that my life would end as soon as possible. A comment was made that one can just live with it, and that is exactly what I've done. I am fully aware that this means though I am breathing, I am not living, and that is the crux of the issue right there. I have to admit, I don't really fully "believe" y'all. What I mean is that I acknowledge that "it" worked and works for others, but could never for me. I have such a low self esteem and confidence that I honestly believe it is too late for me, and that nothing will relieve this, except of course death. I still think this. But, if y'all can take the time to write and care for me, a complete stranger, then it seems to me the least I can do is to care for myself, at least as much as y'all have shown me. I don't know what to do about the financial side of the problem, to get meds and therapy, but I will at least try, once more. Thank you all!!
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The last thing I needed when I got help was more bills. In fact, I let the though of accruing more bills stand in the way of me getting myself healthy. The depressed me wanted to stay in that rut... anything to find an excuse to not get help was my mantra for decades. And you name the excuses, I was using them. First and foremost was that I couldn't financially afford to get help, especially when I exhausted all of the other excuses for not getting help.
I went as far as to almost lose everything that is dear to me. My family was almost out the door because of my depression, lack of wanting to help myself, and miscellaneous ways of "self medication". When the $hit hit the fan, I knew I had to go on. I knew I wasn't done and I knew I was not the giant $hit bag I was turning myself into.
There is help out there and of course there is a cost. There are hundreds of places across this country that offer help for lesser cost, and some work on a sliding scale. Pay what you can, when you can and you can continue to receive the help you need.
First place to start is your doctor. He or she can give you a referral and they also probably have some information on where a person in your shoes can find some help. (It worked for me in the little community I live in.) That referral from your doctor is key. Secondly, meds don't have to be that expensive. The medicine I take for depression is cheap compared to the one I have to take for my triglycerides... real cheap.
Look, this is your health and help just doesn't come walking up. You have to become an active participant in making yourself get better. It's hard work and nobody likes telling their story, over and over and over again, but it is what is necessary in order to find help.
Everyone here on medhelp was fed some kind of a $hit sandwich. Most have come so far from where they were, but it didn't happen by accident. Some here are 'hanging on" because they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. None of the recovery happens over night. For some, relief happens rather quickly, but depression just doesn't go away. You learn to deal with it. Right now, you're not dealing with it in a healthy way. (I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just reciting the facts regarding depression.)
I truly feel for you brother.... I walked in your shoes for about 30 years too damned long, all because I was too stubborn to get out of my own way, to try to be a little innovative and get some help. Instead, I sat and did nothing except beat myself up and adding more trouble to the trouble I hadn't faced in life.
It stinks.... no doubt. And I can tell that you do want out of this. You didn't get to this point over night and it won't go away over night. Re-read every post above when you can find yourself in a calmer more tolerant state. Relax a bit... not all of this is your fault, and you will begin to see what help is out there. You have to chase it down.
Good luck and stay in touch.