Need to be prepared

[ladybugmom57]

My father in law has dry gangrene on 4 toes on his right foot and half of the same foot closest to the toes. The nurses have now found the beginning of a sore on the left foot. He also has diabetes, PVD, heart failure, and renal failure. Because he is 80 the doctors feel it is too risky to amputate his foot or leg. Now they say a secondary infection has set in and necrosis (Hope I'm saying or spelling this one correctly). He has lost so much weight that he looks emasciated, has no appetite, but constantly asks for water. He is in constant pain and is sleeping a lot. The nurses told us that he is terminal but could last 6 months to several years. The administrator of the home says sepsis will set in and he will go quickly. We've tried to arrange an appt with the doctor at the home for 4 days and still waiting. We have also arranged for hospice care.
I guess my question is: who is right (the nurses or the administrator) and what should I prepare my husband and our children for (and myself). Time wise, (even though we are aware that no one knows the hour) generally what are we looking at.

[Jhonjhon]

My mother has terminal cancer and was told she would not last past six months.  Just recently she has started gangrene on her left foot. All her toes are now black and the bottom of her heel is staring to color as well.  They will not amputate because it would kill her, plus her terminal cancer. My question is, I was told she would probably die from the gangrene before her cancer.  How long do I have with her at this stage of the gangrene.  You can email me at jhonmichaelangulo1@gmail. Thank you

[Jhonjhon]

My mother has terminal cancer and was told she would not last past six months.  Just recently she has started gangrene on her left foot. All her toes are now black and the bottom of her heel is staring to color as well.  They will not amputate because it would kill her, plus her terminal cancer. My question is, I was told she would probably die from the gangrene before her cancer.  How long do I have with her at this stage of the gangrene.  You can email me at jhonmichaelangulo1@gmail. Thank you

[ireneo]

Thank you for the update. Generally hospice volunteers and employees love what they do and it shows in the compassionate care they give. They understand how hard it is for everyone involved and they try to make the transition more bearable.

None of us want to let go of our loved ones but knowing they're as comfortable and peaceful as possible helps us as well. Don't worry about him not wanting to eat. That's all quite normal. His body is slowing down and he just doesn't need food now.

Praying for you all.

[ladybugmom57]

I just wanted to check in and let you know that we did get hospice. What a great service they provide. ey've been invaluable to our family and dealing with the nursing home as well. He is getting great care, outstanding care from them and they are wonderful to us as well. My father in law is really struggling and batling. He is now at the point where they are giving him strong meds for pain to keep him comfortable. He looks to be a half or less of his size, sleeps constantly, eats very little if at all, but drinks water as much as you will give it to him.
I feel your prayers and we are thankful for them.

[ladybugmom57]

Thank you! (And so sorry for your loss)

[ireneo]

This will be a hard time in some ways. We never want to let go. And yet during this time is when we start to remember the good things that have been tucked away, lost to the busy-ness of life. Now it's back to basics like listening to music together, memorizing his face, treasuring any smiles that he shares. It wasn't that long ago that I went through all of this with my own Dad. Just do what you can, remember to take time for yourself. Exhaustion won't help any of you. Mostly wait together as a family. Praying for you all.

[ladybugmom57]

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you. We received a "telephone message" from the nursing home my father in law is in telling us that she wanted to talk to us about hospice. Meanwhile, my husband had seen him 3 days before and even though he does have all of these health issues, for the most part he seemed fine. We could not believe when we went to visit him to see how much his health had declined just tha fast.
We are happy for hospice and prayerfully they wil begin on Monday. I have also packed up cds (jazz and gospel - his favorites) and a soft light lamp for when we visit him this evening.
We will be there...again thank you so much!

[ireneo]

I wish I could guess at a time line but I can't. Considering all that's going on in his body between the diabetes, bad heart and kidney failure, I don't think it will be very long if they're not going to actively treat the infections. Even if they do pump in strong antibiotics, that would be hard on his kidneys. If they don't use medications, then his heart is at risk even more from infection.

If he goes onto hospice care, the plan will be to keep him as comfortable as possible and they do a very good job of that. The hospice team (nurse, chaplain, social worker and volunteer) will do their best to keep him from being in too much pain, will treat him with respect and dignity and will free up your family for a bit of respite time if he's living with you.

I'm sorry you're facing this and it won't be easy. All I can recommend is spending time with him and holding his hand. Even when a patient can't talk, the human touch means a lot to them. It's a scary process and touch brings comfort. Music is often soothing too. Right now it's about him and what he needs. Take care.