Husband in denial - Hep C positive

[HepJourney]

Hello,

It has been awhile since I have posted.  My husband was dx with Hep C in October.  We went to see the GI doc and he said that looking at a copy of a CT scan or MRI of his abdomen that they took when he had kidney stones in November that his liver looked good.  They did some bloodtests to check for geno type and viral load etc and told him to check back after the first of the year to talk about treatment as the CDC recommends most undergo treatment.

I called once to get the results, but they never called me back, I just left them another message.

The problem is my husband was of course scared to death when he first found out.  He has always been a drinking man until he had a seizure in Sept and they said it was because of his drinking, so he quit....that was it.  They also found that his liver enzymes were elevated and eventually diagnosed Hep C.

So....now here we are in Feb and he acts like nothing has happened.  He has also started drinking again.  He knows I dont approve, so he is hiding it.  He gets a quart of beer on the way home and then gets rid of the bottle, I even have found cans in the trash and a bottle under the bed.  I can tell when hes been drinking and now it seems most times it makes him really tired and hot and he has to go lay down.  I ask what is wrong and he says he is just tired and wont look me in the eyes.  I have told him I wont buy beer for you, but I am not your Mother so I cant tell you no, it is your body, liver and brain.

I love him, but I dont know what to do.  I told him I thought it was okay to have a drink on special occasions like his birthday, new years ect, but to sip it, not down it.  I am trying not to judge him because I know it is a disease and an addiction and it is his way to cope with things, but I also know they wont treat him if he is drinking.  

Now he is also constantly bent over kind of sideways leaning to his left and says its his middle back that hurts, but he is just stiff.  It also seems to mean that he is suffering from brain fog.  We have been together 20 years and in the last year he just seems to be slower in conversation and often has a hard time just asking a simple question.  He forgets little things alot, but mostly he just seems kind of like an air-head.  Our boys dont know, they are 15 and 12, but they have commmented and joked about it and I can see sometimes they get frustrated with him.  He is also itching a lot and has the skin condition Granuloma Annulare which I read is associated with Hep C, he has had this since I knew him.

I just dont know what to do.  I constantly worry about getting Hep C from him, so sex is pretty much non-existent and that makes hubby mad.  He wont go out anywhere because he cant drink so that pretty much cuts me off because we live in a rural area, so now we have no social life, just when our boys were getting old enough to start enjoying things again.  Oh, and he doesnt want ANYONE to know that he has Hep C, so you guys are the only ones I can talk to.

I feel so bad because I find myself getting mad, and then I feel like......oh well, he is a grown man (just turned 45, got Hep C about 25 years ago) and he needs to deal with this, but I know he is scared.  He used to be so healthy, never sick and in great shape.  Now I watch him try to play frisbee with the boys and he runs very clumsy and looks stiff, where he used to be fast and agile.  Maybe its just age, but seems to be more noticable in the last year, that and the brain fog issue.

I guess I am not really asking any specific question, just needed to "talk" to someone, its so hard to carry this around and not be able to share.  We were already struggling relationship wise before all this happened, so now I have that guilt as well.  I want to stick by him and help him through this, I know it will be hard, but I know if we really try it can and will bring us closer, I mean we just celebrated (yeah right) 20 years on Feb 21st.  But I dont want to be the one to push him through everything, make all the appointments ect, is that wrong?  I think he needs to do this, so I havent said or done anything after the GI appt, so he could feel in control, but he has done nothing.  I am wrong, should I just take control of all his treatment, tell him when he will start etc...but then again, he is drinking...can you tell I am confused.

Thanks for letting me ramble, maybe I should have just put this in a personal journal instead of here.  Any advice...anyone?  I am hoping they will call me back with his geno type and such so at least I can know that.

Thanks all,

K-HepJourney

[HepJourney]

Thank you again, everyone here gave me a little of what I needed.  I know what I need and how we proceed is somewhere in the middle of all this great advice.

I will keep you posted as I plan to keep pushing him forward to take care of himself.  I know that once he sees he can do this, it will give him a sense of control over this thing that right now is controling him and our family.

Thanks to all,

K

[HepJourney]

Thanks, I just couldnt see being so hard so quick, later if I need to then I will know I have tried every approach.

He really is a good man.  He has stuck with me through thick and thin.  Never once did he ever say anything when I gain so much weight.  I was never thin, but when you hit the 365 pound mark....well, he still loved me, or at least put up with me.

I dont know where we will end up because this isnt our only issue.  But I want to help him get healthy physically, then we can work on the marriage problems in other areas.

I have decided that I am going to start going out though, I need to go have some fun without him.  I havent been out in sooooo long, Im talking 10 years or more.  I know I will feel guilty, but I need to have some fun too.

Thanks so much to all of you!

K

[HepJourney]

Dee,

Thank you so much for all your input.  You seem to understand much of what I am dealing with.

One day at a time....that is for sure.

K

[Trish77]

Terrific!!!  You don't have to be harsh.  Sounds like what you did was just right.  He said he would call them!  He might put it off..he might not...but that's a start.  Maybe you want to tell him how happy that made you for him to say he would call them. Positive reinforcement.  And telling him to at least get a biopsy.  That was a good thing to suggest.  A step at a time.  I think what you did was great.  Sometimes the velvet glove approach works better than a hammer and I'm glad for these little steps forward.  I hope for all of you that this continues.

Trish

[HepJourney]

Thanks, yes I lost 210 pounds and I am also a personal trainer.  My hubby is not overweight, never has been 6"-2" 200 lbs and he does work out pretty regular, mostly cardio but he also has a pretty physical job.  I know thats one of the reasons this is so hard for him.  He gets tired so easy and falls asleep by 8:30.   But luckily he is in pretty good shape as far as weight.  We live in a pretty rural area, but we have our own exercise equipement and he is better about using than I am.

Yep, 20 years is tough, but I think its worth it, we just have a lot of stuff to deal with and he is a very quiet man, says 2 words to my 1000 LOL.

Thanks
K

[working dog]

you lost 210 pounds!!! wow...makes me wonder how much he weighs..cuz if he's way over weight that could be a real bad problem...exercise can help a lot...it makes you feel a lot better about yourself...get that heart rate up to about 120 for at least 20 minutes a day... if he's way over weight i would see a trainer so he doesn't have a heart attack... could be a real good first step...so he feels good about himself...it's tough to stay together for more then 20 years ...and durring mid life stuff..on top of that drinking...the 40s are so hard for lots of couples....if he keeps drinking with hep c he'll be in real bad shape soon..someone here said the withdrawals are 6 times worse then folks without hep...i know my withdrawals were real bad..and the symptoms can last for many months......so he should get help cuz the withdrawals could kill him...good luck...billy