Husband in denial - Hep C positive

[HepJourney]

Hello,

It has been awhile since I have posted.  My husband was dx with Hep C in October.  We went to see the GI doc and he said that looking at a copy of a CT scan or MRI of his abdomen that they took when he had kidney stones in November that his liver looked good.  They did some bloodtests to check for geno type and viral load etc and told him to check back after the first of the year to talk about treatment as the CDC recommends most undergo treatment.

I called once to get the results, but they never called me back, I just left them another message.

The problem is my husband was of course scared to death when he first found out.  He has always been a drinking man until he had a seizure in Sept and they said it was because of his drinking, so he quit....that was it.  They also found that his liver enzymes were elevated and eventually diagnosed Hep C.

So....now here we are in Feb and he acts like nothing has happened.  He has also started drinking again.  He knows I dont approve, so he is hiding it.  He gets a quart of beer on the way home and then gets rid of the bottle, I even have found cans in the trash and a bottle under the bed.  I can tell when hes been drinking and now it seems most times it makes him really tired and hot and he has to go lay down.  I ask what is wrong and he says he is just tired and wont look me in the eyes.  I have told him I wont buy beer for you, but I am not your Mother so I cant tell you no, it is your body, liver and brain.

I love him, but I dont know what to do.  I told him I thought it was okay to have a drink on special occasions like his birthday, new years ect, but to sip it, not down it.  I am trying not to judge him because I know it is a disease and an addiction and it is his way to cope with things, but I also know they wont treat him if he is drinking.  

Now he is also constantly bent over kind of sideways leaning to his left and says its his middle back that hurts, but he is just stiff.  It also seems to mean that he is suffering from brain fog.  We have been together 20 years and in the last year he just seems to be slower in conversation and often has a hard time just asking a simple question.  He forgets little things alot, but mostly he just seems kind of like an air-head.  Our boys dont know, they are 15 and 12, but they have commmented and joked about it and I can see sometimes they get frustrated with him.  He is also itching a lot and has the skin condition Granuloma Annulare which I read is associated with Hep C, he has had this since I knew him.

I just dont know what to do.  I constantly worry about getting Hep C from him, so sex is pretty much non-existent and that makes hubby mad.  He wont go out anywhere because he cant drink so that pretty much cuts me off because we live in a rural area, so now we have no social life, just when our boys were getting old enough to start enjoying things again.  Oh, and he doesnt want ANYONE to know that he has Hep C, so you guys are the only ones I can talk to.

I feel so bad because I find myself getting mad, and then I feel like......oh well, he is a grown man (just turned 45, got Hep C about 25 years ago) and he needs to deal with this, but I know he is scared.  He used to be so healthy, never sick and in great shape.  Now I watch him try to play frisbee with the boys and he runs very clumsy and looks stiff, where he used to be fast and agile.  Maybe its just age, but seems to be more noticable in the last year, that and the brain fog issue.

I guess I am not really asking any specific question, just needed to "talk" to someone, its so hard to carry this around and not be able to share.  We were already struggling relationship wise before all this happened, so now I have that guilt as well.  I want to stick by him and help him through this, I know it will be hard, but I know if we really try it can and will bring us closer, I mean we just celebrated (yeah right) 20 years on Feb 21st.  But I dont want to be the one to push him through everything, make all the appointments ect, is that wrong?  I think he needs to do this, so I havent said or done anything after the GI appt, so he could feel in control, but he has done nothing.  I am wrong, should I just take control of all his treatment, tell him when he will start etc...but then again, he is drinking...can you tell I am confused.

Thanks for letting me ramble, maybe I should have just put this in a personal journal instead of here.  Any advice...anyone?  I am hoping they will call me back with his geno type and such so at least I can know that.

Thanks all,

K-HepJourney

[HepJourney]

Thanks again, I have not other risk factors other than being with my husband.  I have not been tested, but I do donate blood several times a year (O-, they like me) and I also have yearly blood tests where they check everything because of my gastric bypass.  I have my yearly test coming up again and I have asked them to include it, mostly so I can cross it off the list of things to think about.

I did just tell him that he has to eventually quit drinking and that they will not treat him if he is drinking.  I told him that if he was not going to go through treatment he at least had to go and get the biopsy so he would know where he is at and for follow up.

I know I wasnt very harsh, but at least I said something.  I also gave him his folder and told him he had to call the Dr. because I have called twice and they have not called me back.  He said he would call them.

K

[dlr2007]

I can relate to what you're going through on a few levels. And I know how scary and maddening and difficult it is. I've struggled with my own substance abuse problems and they've brought me much pain, but I have to say the worst I've been through was watching someone I love losing the battle with addiction. Addiction is the same as alcoholism- just a different poison.
  Yo're making very good decisions, not enabling your husband or playing a "mommy" role. I've made the mistake of doing both and it doesn't work. I think you've gotten excellent advice here too. It certainly won't hurt to be informed on what's happening to your husband physically and mentally- that way you can give him the facts. Of course only you can know just how to do this- in a tough manner or as more of a heart-to-heart talk.The most difficult thing to accept is that no matter how you approach him, he has to be at a point where he is ready to save himself- or it just won't touch him. I've agonized for days over just how to "help" the father of my kids, like if I could just say or do the right thing, he would see the light and run for recovery. I finally realised that it had to come from within him, and separated myself from the sitaution. His story did not have a happy ending, but your husbands may. Only a biopsy will tell what stage his liver really is. I can see that the doctors may be going by his platelets and ALT's, which are really not bad, and telling him it's not very serious, but they're not helping him by that. I understand how frustrating it can be, to want a doctor to help your husband take his health seriously, and instead have them give him a comforting assurance that it's OK to relax and "give it some time". My husband's platelets and albumin have been dropping by the year (we both have Hep C) and now he has diabetes too, and his doctors are just patting him on the back, saying "no rush". One even said "Well, you're a pretty young guy- might you run out of rope eventually? Sure!" In other words, might his liver fail before his natural lifespan is up? Sure- no big deal! It really made me angry. I know it's an all-consuming worry and it's awful to feel helpless. Bu we can only do so much. I hope that your hubby will realise that he needs to stop drinking and save his own life before it's too late. Maybe the biopsy will kick him into reality. You can try to get him to see what is happening, that it's no joke, but remember that ultimately, he is responsible for his own life, and you are for yours. It may sound ridiculous, but remember that you can love your husband and be gravely concerned about him, but still try to do something enjoyable by yourself or with your boys, and get your mind off of your troubles. You have worked hard to take control over your destiny- having gastric bypass surgery must have taken major courage- and you deserve to have your peace and happiness. I know it's easier said than done, but try to take one little piece of your life back for yourself, so you can look forward to something and count on it despite all this going on with your husband. No matter what, you must stay strong for yourself and your kids. One way or another, it will be OK.
Best wishes and prayers,
Dee

[Forseegood]

notwithstanding, I meant considering those studies, that point to the fact this isn't sexually transmitted for the most part, unless there is rough sex that draws blood, anal, etc...thousands of people in couples where one has this, and the other not....

[Forseegood]

this as as huge of a problem as I guess some people do...maybe it's because I have belonged to a number of hep c support groups and there were many couples there, most for many years...and there was one person who had in the couple, and the other not...many, many couples like that...and right here on this board and many others, I've heard of one person having it - and the other not...

unless that person experimented with drugs in their life, had transfusions, were in high risk professions, (nurses) etc....the studies on this don't bear this out either...I contacted almost everyone I've ever slept with (no mean feat, lol) and not one of them had this either, once they got tested...I've talked to plenty of people who did the same thing, contacted most of their partners, etc...and the same thing happened to them...if it was so easy to catch this sexually, how could all this be? notwithstanding those studies NYgirl mentioned, that I have seen too....as long as you take precaution, I just don't see this as being a problem, I realize others disagree, this is just my opinion...

I'd look much more at exchange of blood procedures, etc...stuff like that...

[HepJourney]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your view.  I am trying very hard to stick through this and if he at least starts making an effort then it would make things so much easier.

And you are right....definetly a passion killer.

K

[HepJourney]

Thanks, I know you didnt say to leave, that was in response to jdwithhcv.

Lots to thank about but I am so thankful for such a great response from all of you.  Unfortunatly we just got back from the store and as I am checking out he puts one of the tall boy cans of beer on the counter "for later" he says.  I guess I will have a talk with him later.

  



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