(((Please Help)))

[JustAmy2015]

I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years now. We are both 40 yrs old. We both had a very serious heroin addiction (separately) back in our late 20's/early 30's. However, we have both been clean close to eight years and care to never look back. I caught Hep C (I believe via a dirty needle). As soon as I was told at the clinic I was going to in NYC, I started the year-long Interferon and Riboviran treatment immediately. And I have been without the virus since. Even though I know I will always carry the strain, I get myself checked every six months to be sure I am free of the virus. My fiance, ironically contracted Hep C the same way. However, he had no coverage and was told his "levels weren't high enough for the treatment to be paid for".

He has never had a problem with alcohol. He was always a "beer conisieur" you could say and would have the occasional beer here and there. Fast forward six years and he now drinks up 3-4 (sometimes 5) beers DAILY. He has not had a "dry day" in over a year. He feels that he is like "every other red-blooded American male that enjoys beer after working hard". And I am all for that. I am all for my man to have a beer or two after work sometimes or a couple during baseball or football games. However, when it is daily and the fridge must always be stocked with beer, it concerns me that he is a "functional alcoholic". His personality does not change whatsoever and he does not drink early in the day (like how those see the "typical alcoholic" to be). Just because he does not drink hard liquor, does not make him immune to being an alcoholic.

But that is not my main priority right now. I am supposed to marry this man next February and he refuses to stop drinking to receive the treatment for his Hep C. I have NO idea when the last time he had it checked I have told him, and have sent him articles that "drinking (anything no matter how much) is like pouring gasoline on a fire!" His father was an abusive and very very bad alcoholic and had to have a liver transplant because of all his years of drinking. He is, thank God, in good health today and clean and sober. Therefore, not only obviously alcoholism can be genetic, I have also read that a liver can be "genetically" more susceptible to cirrhosis. ?? Not only do I want to get married, I want to have a child more then anything within the next couple of years. And being 40, time is not really on my side. I would like my "husband" to be around to see his children grow up. I have told him there may be NO symptoms having to do with liver problems. (He has complained of ALWAYS being tired.) And to PLEASE "at least for me" go see a gastreoentologist, listen to him, stop drinking and get on treatment. I am terrified he will be dead within the next 15 years! He doesn't care. He feels I am "paranoid". Or he'll say "then I'll just die then. Whatever." I told him that that is not how a 40 year old man who just moved into our new house, will be getting married and having a family should think! It is irresponsible and makes me feel that he either doesn't believe anything will happen to him or just doesn't care. Because he feels drinking 3 - 4 beers a day (not including the ones he'll have outside the house) daily in NOT a problem whatsoever.

I see a psychologist and I am for the first time in six years feeling as though I may need to think about either just "living like this with him" and turning the next page or closing the book for good. I need FACTS, STATISTICS. I need him to HEAR me and GET HOW SERIOUS THIS IS!! Or I will have to make the hardest and saddest decision of my life. Because his is my life.

Thanks for listening.
Amy

[orphanedhawk]

You can not change another person.
It sounds like he is ignoring the facts.
Is this the man you really want to marry ?  Do you want to be married to and raise a child with an alcoholic ?
I think these are the questions you need to ask yourself.

If you decide to stay with him, and maybe even if you don't you might consider going to an alanon meeting. It can help you understand what you're up against.

Good luck.

[Ekkiemom]

Hello JA2015.......
I agree with Hawk, she brings up important life changing decisions.
Trust me when I say that living with a potential alcoholic will be a rough road for you and a potential child in the future.  So many people think they can love or fix a person but have wound up broken hearted and scarred.  The idea of bringing a new life into that...well, you are smart I think you know the answer.
Remember to do what is best for your future whether it be with or without him.
I'm wishing you all the strength to move forward no matter your decision. I'm not here to judge you, just to support you.
Peace Friend
Deb

[dontworry_behappy1]

Hi Amy,

You might want to post your question on the below referenced forum to get the maximum benefit of your question.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholism/show/158

Hope this is helpful

[pacman1372]

Dear Amy , hello .

Only Denial is what comes to mind .

I would suggest that you in some manner force your partner to get a liver panel blood test and a fiboscan to see how his liver is doing .

as you said in your statement that drinking does not change his personality , which i feel is good in a certain way as people can get abusive in many ways after alcohol consumption .

As for getting him off the Alcohol , well it needs to be done and he has to realise that he is slowly killing himself .

Do u think he would drink more or quit the booze if you left him !! thats something only u or he can answer .

also the future of you , your kids and your family depends on the decesions made by you and your partner .

I know my post may not be very helpful , but we here really cant tell you or your partner what to do .

he NEEDS TO AND HAS TO  quit drinking and seek treatment for his and his family's well being .

I wish you well and hope that things work out for you .

warm regards .