Heartbroken. Boyfriend has Ptsd. He just broke up with me. What should I do?

[lynn182691]

I'm 29 yr/ F. I have been dating someone with PTSD for about one year. The relationship began casual, as most do. But after awhile I started developing feelings for him to the point of now being in love with him.

Initially he wasn't taking any medication for his PTSD and it really affected his social life. He would go through spells where he wouldn't want to see me or anybody for weeks at a time. It hurt me but I kept telling him that I would wait for him and that I was here for him and I always tried to give him his space as he needed it.

Eventually he got some help and was prescribed some medication for the PTSD. It was amazing how much of a difference it made. He started to want to include me more in his life. It seemed like he started to connect with me more and he was spending a lot more time with me. We had a lot of fun together and I really felt like he was starting to open up to me.

However, he never told me how he felt about me. He never expressed any type of feelings for me. I just felt like he was starting to care for me because it seemed like he was making an effort to get closer to me by spending more time with me and inviting me to do more things with him. He just never expressed his feelings for me verbally and that was difficult for me. He also never wanted to put a "title" to our relationship, i.e., become "official" boyfriend/girlfriend. I was okay with this just because I loved him and wanted him in my life.

But then just a few days ago he texted me out of the blue and told me that he couldn't keep dragging me along. He said he doesn't feel love the way he's supposed to and it wasn't fair to me to stay in a relationship with me. He said I didn't do anything wrong, he just didn't feel right about it.

I am completely crushed. I have had the absolute WORST few days of my life. I am so heartbroken. I want him to know that I can be supportive of him like I've always tried to be. I want to be there for him. I want to care for him and love him. I want him in my life!

How do I know if he is just going through one of his "bad spells" from his PTSD where he wants to shut me out, or if he really just doesn't want to be with me anymore?? Do people with PTSD typically shut people out and then end up contacting them later, trying to salvage the relationship?

Should I just leave him alone and risk never talking to him again? I hate that feeling. We were like best friends and now nothing! Its the worst feeling in the world.

Is it likely that he will want to get back together after awhile? Or should I just forget all hope of getting him back in my life and move on?

Some wisdom is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Ronnie377]

It's unfortunate but PTSD has the capability to destroy relationships. It is very common for someone with PTSD to feel detached from his/her emotions.  It *****, because you can build up to the emotions and never be able to feel them.  It's like a firework that you light up but it never goes off.  For someone with PTSD it's very frustrating to not be able to connect.  It feels almost like you are the walking dead.  Everything is a chore from the simplest to the most complex...you get lost in the peripheral details.  The best thing to do is educate yourself on how you can support your boyfriend with PTSD if he does come back.  The real work however will have to come from him and depending on how severe his PTSD is, the recovery may be a long, frustrating, and emotional roller-coaster.  If he does seek help; know that typically it gets worse before it gets better.  This will be emotionally taxing for anyone in his life but just let him know how bizarre he may act that you will accept him unconditionally.  There will be times that he goes away and needs to be alone...isolation is very common.  Having your consistency of you being there when he comes back will be very important, if you so choose to do so, but until your boyfriend seeks the help he needs and establishes coping skills to manage his PTS then i'm afraid a stable relationship between the two of you will probably be unreachable.  Encourage him in any way you can to seek counsel, medication can only do so much...The VA has great programs and in group, among family, and friends he may find the acceptance he needs to reconnect to the world and more importantly those he loves or at least would like to love.  Good luck and God Bless!

[Babybellausa]

Yes and I hate to sound like a horrible person, but as someone with PTSD and a friend to plenty of people with PTSD (because I spent some time in sand too) he has changed. You need to give him room to breathe. If you want me to tell you about all the things he has seen and done that he won't tell you, that he is trying to forget which is why he is so quiet I can. You won't be happy. You just need to give him space. He will start o remember what life is like without the weight of body armor and without a weapon and he will come back to you.

[drifter0213]

i took prozac for a month and it crushed my libido for two years i wanted to tell you that everyone responds differrently to meds :)

[Shane4846]

Hello, I have been diagnosed as a Veteran with PTSD, I went to the VA with anger managment type problems. was given Prozac. my wife almost divorced me as a result to how more mean, angry, violent, and confentational I became while on Prozac. I stopped taking it and have now went back to my "normal" ******* self. I cant find anywhere where professionals talk about anger as a side effect from prozac. but from personal expirience, and if you simply google does prozac make you mean and read the hundreds of posts from other people that have expirienced the same reaction. I dont believe Prozac should be given to anyone that already has anger or violent tendencies. Drs will say that Prozac dont do this, but I say bullcrap. too many people are saying they have expirienced the same reaction. Im telling you for a fact, I should be dead on the account of trying to pick a fight with every ugly sucker that looked at me wrong while I was using this medicine. I couldnt help it. I would go 0 to 90 in nothing but a split second. I dont like anything about Prozac for a guy like me. maybe it works for others with different Issues. but I say anything related to anger or PTSD, my opinion is Prozac isnt the answer.

[suz043]

it is a terrible situation to be in ~~ I've been in and out of this for 5 yrs...this time we bought a house together--he then announced that I wasn't welcome there and changed the locks ~~ I have an an appointment with attorney ...
he has always come around---but this time I am not so sure I want to stick it out...good grief--enough is enough...............

[stacie701]

Hi everyone, thanks for sharing all your thoughts.. it has helped me. I have just been diagnosed with PTSD and at a loss and thus ended my relationship last week. It's just too hard watching him suffer as well as trying to be well when around him. Pressure is too much and I need way too much space.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have a relationship again, I feel too damaged and wouldn't wish the impact of that on anyone else. Hopefully I will get better but if I never have a relationship again, I think I'll be ok with that, I've been lucky enough to have been loved deeply.  I have amazing friends who support me so I'm so grateful for that as well.  
Through this site and your comments I went seraching some more and I found this site https://www.ptsdforum.org which I think was a bit of a revelation to me! I wish I'd seen it earlier as I thought I was going a mad! Hope it helps someone else too.
Wishing you all the very best with your lives and health. : )