Aa
Heartbroken. Boyfriend has Ptsd. He just broke up with me. What should I do?
I'm 29 yr/ F. I have been dating someone with PTSD for about one year. The relationship began casual, as most do. But after awhile I started developing feelings for him to the point of now being in love with him.
Initially he wasn't taking any medication for his PTSD and it really affected his social life. He would go through spells where he wouldn't want to see me or anybody for weeks at a time. It hurt me but I kept telling him that I would wait for him and that I was here for him and I always tried to give him his space as he needed it.
Eventually he got some help and was prescribed some medication for the PTSD. It was amazing how much of a difference it made. He started to want to include me more in his life. It seemed like he started to connect with me more and he was spending a lot more time with me. We had a lot of fun together and I really felt like he was starting to open up to me.
However, he never told me how he felt about me. He never expressed any type of feelings for me. I just felt like he was starting to care for me because it seemed like he was making an effort to get closer to me by spending more time with me and inviting me to do more things with him. He just never expressed his feelings for me verbally and that was difficult for me. He also never wanted to put a "title" to our relationship, i.e., become "official" boyfriend/girlfriend. I was okay with this just because I loved him and wanted him in my life.
But then just a few days ago he texted me out of the blue and told me that he couldn't keep dragging me along. He said he doesn't feel love the way he's supposed to and it wasn't fair to me to stay in a relationship with me. He said I didn't do anything wrong, he just didn't feel right about it.
I am completely crushed. I have had the absolute WORST few days of my life. I am so heartbroken. I want him to know that I can be supportive of him like I've always tried to be. I want to be there for him. I want to care for him and love him. I want him in my life!
How do I know if he is just going through one of his "bad spells" from his PTSD where he wants to shut me out, or if he really just doesn't want to be with me anymore?? Do people with PTSD typically shut people out and then end up contacting them later, trying to salvage the relationship?
Should I just leave him alone and risk never talking to him again? I hate that feeling. We were like best friends and now nothing! Its the worst feeling in the world.
Is it likely that he will want to get back together after awhile? Or should I just forget all hope of getting him back in my life and move on?
Some wisdom is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
When I was 16 I met my high school sweet heart he had a intent conection. We dated for about 6 months. When we held hand I felt such an amazing conection to him . We didn't go to the same school so we had someone who we thought we could trust pass love letters back and forth.we lost our virginity together on christmas eve.
One night I was at a party with some good friends and they talked me into smoking some potit was my first time. I got so tired and went in a bedroom and fell asleep the next thing I knew I had some guy on me I didn't know he was a new student at my school. He rapped me, the next day at school he spread around school that he got down my pants. I walked up to him at school and slammed him aginst the lockers. I did tell a teacher who told me it was my flat and I shouldn't have been doing drugs. I was a shamed. I tried to get to my boyfriend before the news got to him, but I got the break up letter. I try ed t9 talk to him on the school bus but he didn't want to talk to me and walked away.
For 25 years searched for him with no success. I read his Beautiful love letters until an ex found them and burnt them. After 25 years. I found him on fb. I almost fell to the ground when he massaged me back. It was weird because he was mad sounding and asked me was I wanted after all these years I asked him why he broke up with me. He was taken back and said he didn't brake up with me I broke up with him. After talking we figured out that the person passing our letters back and forth were sabotaging our relationship. We were dumbfounded. He got a fake letter from me saying I found someone else I couldn't believe it. We both still after 25 years had this amazing connection. He was 2 states away and we did the long distance thing for 2 months. He had told me he had ptsd witch I I really didn't know anything about it. I kinda research it a little bit learn to leave him alone when he's going through his depression or his cycle which I did and he appreciated. Didn't really look into relationships with people would PTSD. Kind of wish I had. He everyday would tell me he loved me he would let me know if he was having a bad day if he was depressed and I would just kind of let him have his space everything was great. He asked me to marry him couple times a week and I would always say yes we started planning on getting together we had a lot of the same dreams. We're both virgos and I swear she feels like my twin flame because we do have so much in common I'm always felt like there was something missing from my life when he wasn't there I always felt some kind of a connection to him over the years . I would actually compare my boyfriends I was dating at the time to him. I sent him tons of pictures you sent me pictures you tell me I was beautiful and smart and always made me feel so good I've never been with anybody that loving before and that made me feel that amazing. He talked about moving here with me and when I would say if you move here he would always correct me and say when I move there there's no if. Valentine's Day came and since we're in this long distance relationship I decided to send him a care package with a bunch of different letters and poems and little gifts intricate things that I thought he would like all the letters had things written on the outside like open after your cycle open up if you're depressed things like that there was probably like 40 letters he felt horrible that I had done that well guilty because he'd only sent me a card and which I didn't care. I just wanted to make him happy and that's just the way I am. He never opened up any of the letters which hurt a little bit. I finally opened up a weekend to drive and meet him it was a long drive it took me all day he was excited kept texting me I will text him back and forth he would do a countdown on the days and hours till I got there. We planned on camping but as soon I showed up he would like a million miles away and then when we went camping he started acting kind of mean pinching me making front of the clothes I was wearing telling me I need to sit up straight asking me why I was yelling when I wasn't yelling it was really bizarre I was really trying to get close to him and I just felt like he was a million miles away and I never experienced anything like that before so I didn't know how to react I just kind of ignored it and gave him attention here and there wasn't too pushy. The day I was getting ready to leave I was crying and telling him how much I was going to miss him and he responded by telling me that he hadn't even thought about it which kind of hurt. He had told me that he would probably break up with me a couple times and just to hold on he would get back to me. So two days later after the camping trip he texted me and said he had no more feelings for me which was really confusing I asked him if he wasn't attracted to me and he said I was very beautiful I sent a many pictures of me even body shots. I was completely devastated when he broke up with me I felt like a chunk of my soul has been ripped out of my body and there's just this big empty spot in there. He actually broke up with me through a text so I didn't call him I just gave him his space the next day he called me and I started crying he told me we can still be friends which I tried for the next couple days but it hurt too much I texted him back and told him I can't be friends it hurts too much. Maybe sometime in the future. What's really strange as I thought maybe he was in a depression or a cycle mode and he said no I'm actually healed and I've been talking to people around town and making eye contact and I need to thank you for that because you gave me the puzzle piece I needed in my life to move on from the PTSD so it was just really confusing I felt may be used a little bit he's happy apparently and I have been very depressed. I'm confused if this is another part of PTSD or if he really has moved on. I keep hoping that he'll call me and be his loving soul and he's all excited and I can hear him smiling through the phone but its been 3 days now and he hasn't called.
One night I was at a party with some good friends and they talked me into smoking some potit was my first time. I got so tired and went in a bedroom and fell asleep the next thing I knew I had some guy on me I didn't know he was a new student at my school. He rapped me, the next day at school he spread around school that he got down my pants. I walked up to him at school and slammed him aginst the lockers. I did tell a teacher who told me it was my flat and I shouldn't have been doing drugs. I was a shamed. I tried to get to my boyfriend before the news got to him, but I got the break up letter. I try ed t9 talk to him on the school bus but he didn't want to talk to me and walked away.
For 25 years searched for him with no success. I read his Beautiful love letters until an ex found them and burnt them. After 25 years. I found him on fb. I almost fell to the ground when he massaged me back. It was weird because he was mad sounding and asked me was I wanted after all these years I asked him why he broke up with me. He was taken back and said he didn't brake up with me I broke up with him. After talking we figured out that the person passing our letters back and forth were sabotaging our relationship. We were dumbfounded. He got a fake letter from me saying I found someone else I couldn't believe it. We both still after 25 years had this amazing connection. He was 2 states away and we did the long distance thing for 2 months. He had told me he had ptsd witch I I really didn't know anything about it. I kinda research it a little bit learn to leave him alone when he's going through his depression or his cycle which I did and he appreciated. Didn't really look into relationships with people would PTSD. Kind of wish I had. He everyday would tell me he loved me he would let me know if he was having a bad day if he was depressed and I would just kind of let him have his space everything was great. He asked me to marry him couple times a week and I would always say yes we started planning on getting together we had a lot of the same dreams. We're both virgos and I swear she feels like my twin flame because we do have so much in common I'm always felt like there was something missing from my life when he wasn't there I always felt some kind of a connection to him over the years . I would actually compare my boyfriends I was dating at the time to him. I sent him tons of pictures you sent me pictures you tell me I was beautiful and smart and always made me feel so good I've never been with anybody that loving before and that made me feel that amazing. He talked about moving here with me and when I would say if you move here he would always correct me and say when I move there there's no if. Valentine's Day came and since we're in this long distance relationship I decided to send him a care package with a bunch of different letters and poems and little gifts intricate things that I thought he would like all the letters had things written on the outside like open after your cycle open up if you're depressed things like that there was probably like 40 letters he felt horrible that I had done that well guilty because he'd only sent me a card and which I didn't care. I just wanted to make him happy and that's just the way I am. He never opened up any of the letters which hurt a little bit. I finally opened up a weekend to drive and meet him it was a long drive it took me all day he was excited kept texting me I will text him back and forth he would do a countdown on the days and hours till I got there. We planned on camping but as soon I showed up he would like a million miles away and then when we went camping he started acting kind of mean pinching me making front of the clothes I was wearing telling me I need to sit up straight asking me why I was yelling when I wasn't yelling it was really bizarre I was really trying to get close to him and I just felt like he was a million miles away and I never experienced anything like that before so I didn't know how to react I just kind of ignored it and gave him attention here and there wasn't too pushy. The day I was getting ready to leave I was crying and telling him how much I was going to miss him and he responded by telling me that he hadn't even thought about it which kind of hurt. He had told me that he would probably break up with me a couple times and just to hold on he would get back to me. So two days later after the camping trip he texted me and said he had no more feelings for me which was really confusing I asked him if he wasn't attracted to me and he said I was very beautiful I sent a many pictures of me even body shots. I was completely devastated when he broke up with me I felt like a chunk of my soul has been ripped out of my body and there's just this big empty spot in there. He actually broke up with me through a text so I didn't call him I just gave him his space the next day he called me and I started crying he told me we can still be friends which I tried for the next couple days but it hurt too much I texted him back and told him I can't be friends it hurts too much. Maybe sometime in the future. What's really strange as I thought maybe he was in a depression or a cycle mode and he said no I'm actually healed and I've been talking to people around town and making eye contact and I need to thank you for that because you gave me the puzzle piece I needed in my life to move on from the PTSD so it was just really confusing I felt may be used a little bit he's happy apparently and I have been very depressed. I'm confused if this is another part of PTSD or if he really has moved on. I keep hoping that he'll call me and be his loving soul and he's all excited and I can hear him smiling through the phone but its been 3 days now and he hasn't called.
I’ve just been through a similar situation and trying hard not to take it personally. My bf was badly mugged and attacked (almost died) – he has since fully recovered physically but now suffering a lot mentally. For the first four months he had depression which was hard to deal with but we got through it. Then we moved in together just us two and he started picking at me for very small things and saying he couldn’t trust me. He became very distant, cold, constantly accusing me of things I would never and had not done! (This went on for 2 mos) We decided to have some time apart and the time apart was awful – he was very cold and I felt like he left me in the lurch with no explanation. We met up a month later and he finally opened up to me that he was going through something really bad as a result of his attack and that he was constantly questioning things, making decisions based on fear, said there were times we were living together where he “hated” me, said he felt like he was stuck lost in a field and was trying to get to me and the path I was on but couldn’t get there. He said he felt like he needed more time alone and it would take a few months at least but that he didn’t know when he was going to get out of this bad place and what was going to happen to him. He kind of left it with me to decide what to do and I made the decision to leave, told him that I still loved him and he could contact me if he felt better in the future as I couldn’t take being stuck in this limbo period (it was just too painful). I feel like it’s hard not take this all personally and the fact that he has just let me leave. I would have waited for him if I had some form of encouragement that he would come back to me but he was just so confused.
Your post is heartbreaking and all too familiar. Im a puddle of shattered emotions wanting to wake up from this nightmare. My boyfriend and I were so in love and 16 months later, it's over. He moved in. Then 4 months in, started sleeping on the couch. He would be gone on the weekends or be home and zone out in front of gory TV shows. I stood by him wanting to help and have him seek help. But he pushed me away. And then wants me back. Its a rollercoaster and I vowed to stick it out. But now he is clear he cant see me. I keep crying. This is so painful. Yoga, antidepressants, friends and pets are my tonic. God bless.
I think he doesn't have the same feelings you have for him that is if he has any , he was being honest
ABout how he feels about you, and better now find out and try to move on before you had many years wasted just hoping ,it is a one side 86
If he never showed emotions, never showed initmacy band he is a young man so forgive him because God loves you .
ABout how he feels about you, and better now find out and try to move on before you had many years wasted just hoping ,it is a one side 86
If he never showed emotions, never showed initmacy band he is a young man so forgive him because God loves you .
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